Bastards, Baths, and Bosoms

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter XXX


The doors of the castle flew open with such force they slammed into the stone walls behind them. The crash echoed through the space like the opening bell of a very poorly thought out plan. 

We stood at the threshold of a grand foyer. For a moment, nothing moved. 

The room was cavernous, lit only by a very unsettling combination of flickering candlelight and the dull pink glow of the sky behind us that crept through the wide open doors. Twin staircases rose on either side, a sweeping mixture of dark marble, polished wood, and cracked stone, curling toward a landing above. At the top of the landing, a small nondescript fountain burbled from a curved balcony, the water catching just enough candlelight to shimmer.

Interesting design choice,” Trunch murmured. “I’d have put the fountain down here in the foyer myself.”

Behind the fountain loomed a set of massive ebony doors, carved with the symbol we’d come to be very familiar with: a wilted dandelion in coiled thorns, gilded with silver so fine it gleamed even in the doom.

Above us, suspended from the vaulted ceiling, a black chandelier hung like a cursed stalactite, holding dozens of waxy candles. Their low, flickering glow danced across the stone walls, where smaller sconces cast narrow shadows that seemed to slither whenever no one was looking.

To the left and the right, on the ground floor, two wooden doors sat in silence, trying very hard not to be noticed, and failing miserably. While far less ostentatious than the grand set above, they were still a fine example of the exquisite craftsmanship available in the valley.

There were no guards. No footsteps. No distant chatter. The only sound aside from our hushed whispers was the faint drip of water from the fountain above, echoing like a countdown to an unavoidable confrontation.

I don’t like this,” Din said, low and serious. “It’s too quiet.

Bot cleared his throat. “Well, like I said, everyone’s preparing for the ceremony.

You mean the ritual.” Day corrected.

Bot waved a hand dismissively, “Same thing.

No. Ceremonies have catering,” Trunch replied. “Rituals have chanting.”

Which way to the chanting then?” Day sighed.

I don’t know. Not exactly, anyway. The upper doors lead into the castle proper. The side doors eventually take you to some servant quarters, the waiting parlour, the cellar and further down, the crypts.

Yak reached into his robes. “Two gold, six copper and a half eaten pastry says they’re bringing back the old vampire lord in the crypts,” he whispered.

Wikis turned to him. “You’re on. The beams coming from upstairs. The ritual is up there.” She pointed to the upper doors and then reached into a pouch, pulled out her fist and opened it. “Three gold, 4 silver, some lint and.

The rusty ring?” Yak asked, looking at the rusted circlet of metal in her hand.

NO.” Wikis plucked the ring from her palm and clasped it tightly to her chest. “You can’t have that.” Her eyes went wide and darted around the room before she raised the ring to her ear, nodded sagely, and carefully placed it into her pouch. 

We split up, Yak, Bot and Day headed to the door to the left. Wikis, Trunch and I headed to the right. Din held back Umberto who was determined to head up the stairs.

She’s up there,” he grunted, trying to push himself past an immovable pile of platemail. “I can smell her perfume.

No one can smell anything other than Bot right now.” Din grunted back. “We need to be careful.

Carrie had fluttered back over the threshold and was hovering just outside muttering to herself.

There’s someone behind this door.” Day hissed. “I can hear a conversation.

This side’s clear,” Trunch whispered as Wikis carefully opened the door and peeked through.

It’s a passage” she said softly, “It’s empty.

Carrie fluttered back, closing the castle doors carefully behind her, as Day, Yak and Bot joined us at the right door.
Tufulla says the other group thinks the crystal is upstairs. The sarcophagus of old Ieoyoch is in the crypts – they won’t move it for fear of damaging it.

What? How do you know?” I asked

I sent him a message, dummy.” Carrie said, to the doors that led outside and tapping herself on the head.

Oh – that’s what you were doing. I thought you were just getting some fresh air.

Well, that too.” She waved her hand in front of her face while staring at Bot. He looked at her, smiled and waved.

There was a click  – and a scraping sound.

Ah shit.” Din grunted, lifting Umberto like he was a sack of angry potatoes and sprinting toward us. Wikis held open the door and we dashed through just as the great doors above swung open. She closed it behind, leaving just enough of a crack to carefully peer through. 

A. Little. Help. Please,” Din growled, straining to hold back a writhing Umberto, arms pinned to his sides. Yak rushed over and grabbed his legs. Day dove in and held tight around his torso.

What’s happening out there?” Carrie whispered.

Shhh. It’s that Eric guy,” Wikis murmured over her shoulder through gritted teeth. “And three heavily armored guards. Big guys. Naida just walked through. And Barbara’s with her.

Time slowed. I froze.

There was a collective grunt as Din, Day, and Yak struggled to restrain Umberto, who was vibrating with rage. His jaw cracked open, and Din’s eyes went wide with horror.

A scream, deep and guttural, began to rise in Umberto’s throat. It was less a scream and more the charging blast of some ancient horn, like dragonfire made audible.

Just before he let it loose, Carrie raised a single finger and calmly whispered,
Shush.

The word hung in the air with unnatural weight. Divine. Authoritative.

Umberto froze mid-unleashing – mouth wide, rage bubbling just behind his teeth. He blinked once… and went utterly, murderously still.

Trunch joined the dogpile, grabbing whatever part of Umberto wasn’t already restrained. Umberto’s face turned a dangerous shade of plum. He glared at Carrie with the betrayed fury of someone who had just been magically told off by a friend.

Wikis raised a hand, her eyes still fixed on the scene through the crack in the door.There was the sound of muffled conversation through the door before Wikis gingerly closed it shut and turned to the rest of us. She stared quizzically at the group hugging Umberto in front of her and then shook her shoulders. 

Well?,” Carrie asked, voice low. “What are they doing?

They went through the other door, on the other side of the room. Most of them. Naida went back upstairs. Eric and Barbara are going to check on the vessel downstairs and make sure everything is ready. Naida said she would tend to the guests upstairs and get everything ready to activate the crystal.” Wikis nodded smugly, congratulating herself on a job well done. 

Din let go of Umberto’s hands and shot him a look that said ‘Do not fuck this up’. He looked at Trunch and the others and nodded. I braced for rage but Umberto simply turned and headed toward the far end of the corridor, breathing heavily and casting long aggrieved glances at the rest of us.

I think that confirms it,” Din said, voice hushed. “Ieyoch’s body is downstairs. The crystal is up.

I told you that already.” Carrie whispered angrily, “It’s what Tufulla suggested.

You said he ‘thinks’ thats where they are. Naida, Eric and Barbara just confirmed it.” Din shot back.

So which do we go for?” Yak asked.

I don’t think we should split up, we don’t have enough manpower and don;t know what we might run into.” Trunch added

Good thinking,” Bot cut in, “Last time I was down in the cellar, albeit shackled to a wall, there were dozens of guards and undead – some of them were former friends.” The last words were spoken with a soft reverence. 

I decided to throw my two copper into the pot, “If you…we, destroy the crystal – then maybe the ritual won’t take hold and they can’t bring Ieyoch back.” Trunch nodded, which felt like validation.

If we deal with Ieyoch,” Day countered, “then the ritual won’t have a vessel to ground to.” I noted that Trunch also nodded at this suggestion. 

Which is it?” Wikis managed through gritted teeth, “Someone make a choice.

I think it comes down to which is closer.” Trunch’s brow furrowed, clearly trying to calculate something based on absolutely nothing.

Din and Day turned, slowly, to Bot.

Well?” Din asked.

Which is closer?” Day added.

Bot blinked, looked at all of us, then scratched his head with a dirt-caked finger.

That depends,” he said carefully, “on whether you’re prepared to navigate your way through the unknown magical upper floor – it’s where I got caught trying to escape – or walk into the very known horrors of the crypts.

There was a beat of silence.

That wasn’t an answer,” Carrie said from in front of a large wall portrait.

I know,” Bot whispered back.

You’re serious about the magical maze upstairs?” Day asked.

Oh yes.” Bot replied. “Some kind of protective spell I guess. I was totally confused by it, but now it kind of completely makes sense if they’ve got something valuable, like the crystal up there.

So…the crypts then?” Din said, sounding just a little too unsure.

We moved quietly down the corridor, passing a series of faded tapestries and dark, oil-painted portraits, all sallow cheeks, thin lips, and disapproving eyes that seemed to follow us as we moved. Carrie hung near the back, pausing to study a few in suspicious detail. At the far end of the corridor, At the end of the hall, Yak and Wikis leaned in to listen, checking the edges of the door for movement or sound. Din and Trunch flanked Umberto, just in case he decided now was the time for vengeance.

Day motioned for Carrie to keep up. I wandered back to fetch her, and caught her red handed.
She’d produced a charcoal stub from somewhere and was, with quiet precision, ‘suggestively enhancing’ several of the portraits.

One portrait now featured a woman with dramatically larger breasts. The eyes of the stern gentleman in the portrait adjacent having been edited to now be staring hungrily at them. Another now had a suggestively placed banana. A third, previously stoic noblewoman, now had an exaggerated wink and a well coiffed moustache. 

Carrie looked at me innocently, charcoal gripped in hand.
What?” she whispered. “They started it.

There was a nod of agreement between Yak and Wikis. Wikis reached out and pushed. The door creaked open.

A breathless moment passed—

Shit,” Yak muttered.

Not empty!” Wikis hissed, already drawing.

Two guards stared at us from across the room, eyes wide, mouths opening.

The first guard inhaled to shout—

Thunk.

An arrow punched through his neck, silencing him mid-breath. He dropped, but Day was faster. He dashed forward and caught the man mid-fall, gently lowering him to the floor before his body could crash into the ceramic vase full of swords beside him.

The second guard froze for a split-second, then bolted.

Wikis!” Carrie snapped.

I’m trying!” Wikis fumbled with her bowstring.

The guard was halfway across the room, hand outstretched for the door.

Yak launched forward. In a blur, he vaulted a table, kicked off a nearby stool, and landed behind the fleeing guard. He reached out and slammed the man’s head into the stone wall just above the handle with a sickening crack.

The guard crumpled to the floor.

You said it was clear,” Carrie snapped.

I meant it felt clear.

That’s not a thing,” Din growled.

Yak, brushing dust off his sleeves, grinned. “On the bright side, that was very quiet. Ish.

We all looked at the splatter mark on the far wall.

…ish,” Yak repeated.

Trunch threw open a storage room door at the side of the chamber, revealing stacks of dusty crates and boxes.

In here!

The team sprang into action, dragging the two bodies across the room. And unceremoniously shoved him inside.

Wikis pulled the door shut behind them and leaned against it, breathing hard.

No more sneaking around.” Umberto snapped. “It wastes time. We stick together, kick down doors and fuck up anyone in the way.” He unclipped his axe from the harness on his back. “Anyone opposed?

He’s right,” Trunch said, a little breathless. He was standing by a tall window, peering out. “We really need to move.

We joined him.

Outside, a line of undead shuffled through an archway beneath us. Slow, aimless, and far too many of them.

Oh – that leads to the crypts,” Bot said cheerily. “Looks like they’re still recruiting.

We need to get down there,” Din growled.

Through there,” Bot said, pointing to a heavy wooden door. “The stairs to the basement are just beyond.

Day looked at Wikis and Yak and gave a quick nod. They slipped ahead, taking positions on either side of the door, whispering and pointing like a pair of overly dramatic stagehands preparing for a cue.

I thought we agreed, no more sneaking,” Umberto growled.

Then he launched himself at the door.

The impact was immediate. Wood splintered, hinges screamed, and the entire door exploded with a thunderous crash.

Umberto stood in the wreckage, chest heaving, nostrils flared. The hand gripping his axe had gone bone white at the knuckles.

BARBARA! I’M COMING FOR YOU!

Behind him, Din pressed his palms to his temples. “Oh fuck.

Beyond the wreckage of the door lay a simple, windowless chamber. Square-shaped, sparsely furnished. A few dusty crates. Shelves lined with neglected boxes.

Bot stepped in cautiously.
The door on the right leads to the servant quarters,” he murmured. “You won’t find much there. Opposite side’s another hallway, like the one we came through. Loops around to the parlor and back into the foyer.

Schkt.

The hiss of a blade drawn.
Wikis had a dagger to his throat before anyone saw her move.

You sure know a lot,” she whispered in his ear. “For someone who claims not to be Dan’del’ion.

I snuck around,” Bot said, hands raised. “A lot. Before they caught me.”

Umberto stormed forward, eyes blazing with a mix of rage and something dangerously close to lust. He stopped inches from Bot, axe raised, not to swing, just enough to make the point very clear.

The basement,” he snarled. “Where is it?

Bot flinched and pointed to a narrow stairwell tucked to the left.

There! That’s it. Only way down from inside the castle. I swear.

Umberto spun on Wikis.

You said she was going downstairs!

That’s what I heard!” Wikis snapped, defensive and indignant.

She hasn’t been this way,” Umberto growled, sniffing the air like a warhound with abandonment issues. “I’d know.”

There was a beat of confused silence before Trunch delicately stepped around the edge of Umberto’s fury radius.

Let’s… verify before anyone else gets accused of deception,” he muttered.

Day joined him at the stairs. He knelt and extended one hand, eyes flickering with quiet magic. A moment later, a small raven shimmered into view and leapt from his wrist, wings silent as it drifted into the shadows below.

We waited. Umberto seethed.

Day’s expression grew still.

They curve,” he murmured. “Stone steps. Wide. They open into a large chamber.

He blinked. “Dozens. Maybe more.

Undead?” Din asked quietly.

Day nodded. “Ghouls, Skeletons, Zombies. Packed shoulder to shoulder. There’s far too many. We go down there now, we die.” The raven fluttered back into the room and then vanished in a whisper of feathers and magic. Day stood. “We need to find another way.

A figure stepped into the room from the opposite doorway, tall, broad, and covered head to toe in dark armor etched with thorny scrollwork. The unmistakable glint of a Dan’del’ion insignia shimmered on his chest plate as he froze mid-step, taking in the scene.

Shit,” Trunch hissed.

The armored guard reached instinctively for the blade at his hip.

He never got the chance.

Day surged forward with a shout. Trunch was right behind him. Bot, with a surprising burst of energy, followed, wheezing as he charged.

The three of them slammed into the armored figure, forcing him backward through the doorway before his fingers found his hilt. The hallway beyond echoed with the sound of steel boots scuffing against stone as the guard stumbled.

Move! Let us through!” Carrie called, trying to push forward, but the bottlenecked doorway was now entirely occupied by Day’s ponytail, Trunch’s robes, and a surprising amount of Bot.

I can’t—” Din grunted, wedging a shoulder in. “They’re blocking the godsdamn—

A second guard stood in the hallway, sword already drawn.

Day raised a hand and spoke a word in a tongue I didn’t recognize. Light bloomed around him as a shimmering celestial shape that spun through the air like a radiant cyclone appeared in the doorway.

What the fuck is that, Day?” Din yelled

DON’T come in here!” Day barked over his shoulder. “You’ll get shredded!

You couldn’t summon it down the other end of the hall?

Slight miscalculation. Heat of battle. Just, don’t go near it.

I told you we should’ve gone upstairs!” Carrie huffed.

Can’t talk right now!” Trunch yelled, hurling a blast of eldritch energy down the hall, clipping the second guard’s shoulder.

Then Bot raised his cracked pipes to his lips and played a long, reedy note.

At first, nothing happened.

Then … skittering. Dozens of tiny claws on stone. The walls seemed to ripple. Rats, filthy and sharp-toothed, poured from cracks, pipes, and gaps in the floor, swarming the hallway.

The second guard screamed as the swarm engulfed him. His sword dropped from his hand as he desperately tried to backpedal away from both rats and radiance.

Day stepped forward, sword in hand, the light of the spirit guardian coiling behind him like a vengeful sun. The first guard hesitated, torn between the very real man in front of him and the glowing, faceless horror spinning at his back.

Day struck first.
Steel met steel with a sharp clang, sparks flashing in the narrow corridor. The guard parried, then slashed, his blade quick, desperate, panicked. But Day was calm. Precise. Each of his movements was clean, calculated, economical – like a man who knew exactly how long it would take to win.
The spirit guardian circled behind Day, spinning, and seething with radiant energy. Its ghostly form flickered, tendrils of light reaching toward the terrified guard.
The man’s eyes darted between Day and the spirit, sweat beading on his brow.
Day feinted low, then drove his sword up in a tight arc. The guard barely blocked in time, but his footing wavered. He stumbled back a half step and caught sight of the guardian again just behind Day’s shoulder, whirling like a divine executioner waiting for its cue.
That was all the opening Day needed. With a sharp twist, he stepped inside the guard’s reach, locked their hilts together, and drove his elbow into the man’s throat. The guard gasped, too late, as Day wrenched the sword free, pivoted, and plunged his blade between the plates of the man’s armor.
The guard choked. Twitched. And dropped.

The second guard, flailing wildly to dislodge the swarm of rats, caught Bot across the torso, opening a deep gash that splashed crimson across the floor. Sword and hand swung, stabbed, swatted, but the rats kept climbing, tangling, biting.
Trunch raised a hand, muttered something low and cold, and a sickly arc of shadow tore through the air. It struck the guard dead center in the chest with a heavy, muffled thud, like a slab of wet stone hitting flesh. The rats clinging to his torso were obliterated instantly — vaporized in a bloom of dark energy and scorched fur.

The guard slumped where he stood, lifeless, smoke curling from the hollow in his armor. The surviving rats scattered, vanishing into cracks and pipes like they’d never been there at all.

Panting. Blood. Scorched stone. The faint sound of rodents skittering in the shadows.

The hallway fell into a momentary silence, broken only by the hum of Day’s radiant guardian and the final, pitiful squeaks of dying rats.

Then footsteps and the creak of a door opening. Two figures emerged from the far end of the hall. One tall and composed, the other: Barbara Dongswallower.

Eric’s eyes widened. His hand went instinctively to the sword at his side.

Go!” he barked. “Get help from upstairs!

Barbara flinched, then turned on her heel and ran.

Day’s eyes went wide. “She’s heading upstairs! Go back around! Cut her off!

Back in the room, Umberto roared. “BARBARA!

He lunged forward,directly into the glowing aura of Day’s Spirit Guardian.

There was a flash of light, a sickly slicing sound and Umberto staggered back with a bark of pain, clutching his ribs. Radiant energy scorched across his chest like a divine slap.

I SAID DON’T COME IN HERE!” Day shouted.

Umberto’s eyes burned with rage.

Carrie, Wikis, Yak, and Din didn’t wait. They turned and bolted back the way we’d come, Din calling out behind him, “Klept! Make sure he stays there!
Sorry, What?” I blinked and looked to them for clarification.
But they were gone.

And I was alone. With Umberto.

The radiant hum of Day’s spirit guardian pulsed like a living wall between two very different hells.

Steel clashed again as Day parried Eric’s brutal overhead swing, their swords shrieking across one another. Eric was fast. Far faster than any armored man had a right to be, but Day fought like a man who’d already mapped the outcome. His eyes stayed locked, cold and focused, even as Eric drove him back a step.

Behind them, Bot stumbled against the wall, clutching his side. Blood wept through a tear in his robes, his pipes clattering to the floor. Trunch caught him.

Stay behind me,” the gnome growled, then raised a hand. A pulse of sickly light surged from his fingers, slamming into Eric’s shoulder. The armored man staggered, and Trunch grinned.

Eric snarled and lunged again, only to meet Day’s blade and a shadow-forged one that flickered into the fighter’s off-hand. The clash rang like a cracked bell.

I took a single step back towards the door that moments earlier Umberto had shattered into oblivion.

Umberto’s glare could have broken stone. Scorch marks from the spirit guardian still smoldered across his chest, but he didn’t seem to notice. All he saw was the door. The barrier. The thing between him and Barbara.

Then he looked at me.
He growled.
I swallowed.
Move.”

I… can’t,” I said. “The others—

He charged.
Panic surged. I threw up a hand, the only spell I knew bursting from my fingers. Three glowing darts of force spiraled into being and rocketed toward him slamming into the floor inches from his feet.

The stone cracked.
Umberto skidded to a halt, blinking.
What the-

I’m serious!” I squeaked. “I know more of those!” 

His eyes blazed. “You’d choose them over me?

I’d choose surviving over being flattened!” I backed up again. My hands shook. My legs shook. Other parts shook. I may have wet myself. Just a little.

Umberto roared and turned, not at me, but at the wall beside the hallway. With a bellow, he raised his axe and brought it crashing down. Stone splintered. Chips flew. He struck again.

Behind the whirling dervish that was Day’s guardian Eric drove forward, laughing. “You think you can stop this? You’re too late! The glyph will be drawn, and Lord Ieoyoch will rise again.
Trunch didn’t answer. He simply pointed.
A bell toll rang, low and mournful, and Eric’s head snapped to the side as if the source was inside his skull. He staggered again.

Now,” Trunch barked.

Day lunged, both blades aimed true. His steel blade cut low, while the shadow blade arced from above. Eric raised his sword to parry –
Too late.
Steel caught flesh. Shadow pierced through armor. A gasp. A laugh. And then he fell.

Near me, in the room, the wall groaned.
Another of Umberto’s strikes dislodged a large chunk of stone. The next, left the blade damaged – tiny flakes of steel missing where the wall bit back. Dust swirled in the air, and I stood there—helpless, horrified, and just a little damp.

Umberto, please,” I tried.

He didn’t answer. Just lifted the axe again.
From behind the spirit guardian, I heard Trunch shout, “We’re fine!” 

Day ushered the struggling Bot to his feet. The three of them looked at me through the haze of the guardian, still spinning in the doorway. Then they looked at Umberto, mindlessly trying to hack his way through several feet of solid stone. Keep an eye on Umberto! Don’t let him leave. We’ll loop back through the foyer. Stay put!

And just like that, they were gone, leaving me alone in the small chamber with the aftermath of battle, the lingering smell of death, and a silent, primal, and thoroughly enraged Umberto.

He ignored me completely. His focus was entirely on the stone wall. He was hacking at it—not with any tactical goal, but with the desperate, blunt force of a child throwing a tantrum. His great axe, meant for cleaving armor, was beginning to chip and blunt against the castle masonry. He was oblivious to the damage, oblivious to the wound scorching his chest, oblivious to everything but the rage that replaced his breath.

A small, firm object was suddenly pressed into my hand. I looked down. It was a perfectly intact, slightly sticky pastry. I looked up, and saw Yak standing there, having somehow slipped back into the room unnoticed. He gave me a quick, confident wink. His face shimmered for a heartbeat—the usual unsettling sign of his shapeshifting power in transition.

Then Yak stepped into the center of the room, directly behind Umberto. He opened his mouth, and the voice that came out was melodious, slightly breathless, and deeply recognizable.

Stop that, you silly little man.

Umberto froze, mid-swing. The axe fell to his side with a soft thud on the dusty floor. He turned slowly, the feral fury in his eyes giving way to utter confusion, then a flush of genuine, desperate relief.
Standing before him was Barbara Dongswallower. Or rather, a perfect copy of her. Yak had captured every detail: the sweeping, dark hair, the confident posture, and the gentle, almost maternal disapproval in her eyes.

Umberto moved toward her, his heavy boots slow and hesitant now. “Barbara…. I—I saw them take you, and I…

You sweet little fool,” the figure replied, turning away with a flit of her hand, as if dismissing his entire fit of dragon-rage as a minor misunderstanding.

Umberto reached out, desperate for contact, and grabbed her wrist.
How could you side with them?” Umberto pleaded, “With the court?

You couldn’t possibly understand,” she sighed, and turned to face him so quickly that her ample, generous bosom smacked him squarely in the face.

He staggered backward, briefly winded, gently rubbing the side of his face. Lower lip trembling. His face slowly moving from plum purple rage to baby pink wonder as realisation of what just happened sunk in.
Yak, as Barbara, simply stood there, a look of calm, utterly unconcerned pity on his face.

I discreetly adjusted my robes to hide my earlier ‘accident’ and stared openmouthed at what was unfolding before me. 

Umberto stepped forward, his anger beginning to subside. His breath became more even. He lunged forward toward Barbara, throwing his hands around her waist and burying his face in her chest. 

There, there.” She said, patton the top of his head gently. She glanced at me and made a face that screamed ‘I don’t know what to do now’.

Help me,” he whimpered, his voice muffled. “Help me to understand why.
The rage was fading, replaced by something almost worse: need.
His shoulders shook.
With grief.
With relief.
With possibly inappropriate joy.

I dropped my pastry. It hit the stone floor with an unenthusiastic thud.

We will,” she said softly. “We will, we just need to get back to the others.” She began to push him away. He sniffed deeply – the kind that follows tears, and his eyes darted up to Barbara’s face, sharp and investigating.
She lightly shook her shoulders and readjusted her blouse as Umberto leaned forward and sniffed again. His lips pursed.

You fucking little…

Yak began to shift, “I’m sorry dude,” he said, raising his hands. “Din asked me to help Klept and … well … we needed to calm you down. So I thought …maybe…

You…bastard.” Umberto’s color deepened, but the exhaustion won out. His shoulders sagged. He bit his lip. Then turned, and pointed a trembling finger at me.

And you… not a single word. Spoken or written. To anyone!

I wouldn’t dream of it,” I said, already bending to pick up the pastry, my mind already wandering.


He was fury incarnate. A storm bottled in mortal form, undone not by blade or fire, but by the soft hush of her voice.
“Stop that, you silly little man.”
And like thunder fading into hush, he turned.
There she stood. The countess, the enigma, the ghost in his heart. Her gaze, equal parts pity and fire, pierced the armor he had never worn but perhaps had always needed. His axe fell. His breath caught. His soul cracked open like the earth before a rainstorm.
“Barbara…” he whispered, his voice a prayer half-forgotten.

She smiled. Tragic. Beautiful. Inevitable. She smelled like secrets and crushed lilac.
“Help me understand,” he gasped, his voice a ragged tapestry of pain, passion, and poorly restrained desire.
She sighed. It was the sound of a candle flickering before the kiss of wind.
“You couldn’t possibly.”
And when she turned… and that glorious, moonlit chest collided with him like prophecy, the world changed. He did not cry out. He did not resist. He simply folded into her — a wounded knight collapsing into the velvet dusk of his sins. And there, buried in her impossible softness, he gently wept.

* Yak’s not the only one who can do a Barbara impression, I thought to myself.


Umberto’s boot came down. Crushing the pastry to paste a half-second before my fingers reached it.
Not. One. Word.” he growled, before stomping through the shattered doorway and down the hall.

Yak leaned against the doorframe beside me, wiping sweat from his brow.
Gods, he’s heavy. For a little guy,” he muttered. “That was the most emotionally compromised I’ve ever been. I think I pissed myself.

Me too,” I admitted, a little too quickly.

Yak glanced at me, “Really? Huh. Can’t even tell.” He straightened and patted my shoulder as he walked through the doorway, “You did good, buddy.

We set off toward the foyer at a brisk, definitely-not-fleeing pace, keeping what we hoped was a safe enough distance between us and Umberto, just in case he found a second wind.
Behind us, Day’s radiant guardian still whirled in the doorway like a divine tornado waiting for round two.

We reentered the foyer to the unwelcome sound of a muffled shriek and Wikis hissing ‘hold her still’.

Barbara Dongswallower – bound, gagged, and red in the face – was slumped at the top of the stairs. Din was casually sitting on her back like a disgruntled librarian resting on a particularly uncooperative book.
She was halfway through the doors,” Wikis said, boot planted on Barbara’s lower back. “This one caught her right in the—
Sckthwick.
The arrow came free. Barbara screamed into the gag.
—right cheek,” Wikis finished, holding it aloft. “Stopped her dead in her tracks.

Umberto didn’t say a word. He didn’t even look at her. He stared at the far wall, jaw clenched, eyes hollow. Rage gone. Only disgust remained.

He turned away.

I felt… spent. Completely. Magically, emotionally, digestively. I looked across at Bot, dishevelled, exhausted, emaciated from months of capture and torture.
I’m going back to Dawnsheart.” I said firmly.

Carrie looked up, alarmed. “What? Now?

I can take him,” I said, stepping forward and pointing to Bot. “He needs medical attention, and rest.
Bot gestured to his ruined tunic with still-shaking hands.
Sounds good to me. I’d rather not end up back on a hook, if it’s all the same.

Carrie gave Din a look. Din nodded. Then Carrie gently touched Bot’s shoulder, whispering a few words. A soft glow radiated from her hand, followed by a second glow from Din’s. Bot visibly straightened, some of the pain leaving his eyes.

Thank you, friends.” He clasped a hand to his chest. “We could also take her,” Bot offered, thumbing toward Barbara.
Trunch blinked. “That’s… actually a good idea.
I was wondering what we were going to do with her,” Carrie said.
We’ll take her to Tufulla,” I said. “For questioning.”

You sure?” Day asked, wiping blood from his blade.

Not really,” I said. “But I’d rather be locked in a room with her than spend one more minute dodging friendly fire from summoned guardians and Umberto’s unresolved issues.

Carrie raised a finger. “There’s one more thing before you go.

She shoved Bot into the fountain.
SPLASH.
Trunch and Day immediately jumped in, holding him down while Carrie started scrubbing at his shoulders with the vigor of a determined washerwoman.

What in the name of the Seven—!” Bot gurgled, swallowing water as he thrashed.
What are you doing?” Din cried.

Carrie glanced over her shoulder, arms still scrubbing. “Washing the Stinky Dwarf,” she replied with a cheeky smile.
Yak, leaning on the edge of the fountain, nodded knowingly. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Then they let him go.

Bot surfaced, sputtering and soaked, blinking wildly. Then he went still.
…I feel amazing.
He blinked again.
I actually feel amazing.” He raised his hands, touched his head and muttered a word. A glow of radiant energy spilled from his palm and shimmered down his body. “Elaris’ blessing!” He groaned. “That feels good.

We all stared at the fountain.

Yak stuck a finger in it. “Huh.
It’s not just water,” Carrie whispered. “It’s… something else.
Restorative,” Din confirmed, already filling his waterskin.

We drank. We filled flasks. We splashed our faces, and for a moment—just a moment—the castle felt less cursed.
Then I turned to the others, adjusting my satchel.

We’ll see you back at the Grin for a drink.” Day said, offering a hand.
I really hope so,” I said, shaking it. “Be careful.
Bot clapped his hand over his heart. “I can’t remember the last time I had an ale,” he said with a crooked grin. “But I’d be honored to have one with all of you.
He reached down, grabbed the rope tied around Barbara’s bound wrists, and gave it a tug.

Umberto still didn’t look at her.

He just walked to the far end of the foyer and stared at the wall.
What’s the Grin?” Bot asked eagerly as we crossed the threshold back into the courtyard of cursed sculptures. “Is the ale good?
The Grin? It’s an absolute shithole.” I replied with a smile. “The best little shithole in the valley.
Sounds perfect.” Bot sighed.
Behind us, the door creaked shut, and the real madness continued.

Like Moths To The Flame

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter XXVII


The square erupted. In screams, in motion, in chaos. Guards scattered like kicked-over chess pieces, some trying to rally, most just trying to survive. The Damaged Buttholes, who had already saved the harvest festival from deranged cultists and, unbeknownst to the general populace, prevented an outbreak of undead from overrunning a nearby hamlet, now found themselves protecting Dawnsheart’s citizens by actively engaging with an angry dragon. In the middle of the town square. All while the stars continued to disappear from the sky, casting an unusual darkness across the valley.

Usually lit by a scattering of half-hearted lanterns and the occasional yawn from a passing guardsman, the square now blazed with considerably more enthusiasm – mostly due to the building that was currently on fire.

Watching the guards attempt to extinguish it, shout to check if anyone was still inside, and very clearly try not to get involved in the dragon fight raging just a few metres away was, if nothing else, a masterclass in divided attention. They looked like men tasked with putting out a bonfire using cups of Sulker’s Fire, which for the record, is both extremely flammable and mildly hallucinogenic in large enough doses, all while pretending not to notice the house-sized lizard throwing tantrums behind them.

I can’t say whether it was due to wonder, awe, or fear  – but two guards stood frozen near an upturned apple cart until Trunch roared at them to move.

Townsfolk – get them out of here!

Din pointed toward a group of people cowering under an awning. “Go!

One guard nodded, snapped out of his panic, and began ushering people down a side street. The other squealed, dropped his spear, and sprinted in the opposite direction, wet-trousered and unashamed.  

I had no idea where to stand. Or what to write. There’s something uniquely awful about peering through a window as your friends take on a dragon. I just clutched my journal and tried not to die.


The screams outside weren’t theatrical – not the kind you hear in stories, long and poetic and full of meaning – these were the real kind. The messy, panicked, lung-ripping ones. You could practically smell the terror. Or maybe that was just the burning storefront. Hard to tell.

Travok stood beside me, leaning on the desk, his knuckles white around the edge. He said nothing. He didn’t need to. You could feel the weight of his silence – heavy, sharp-edged, filled with the unspoken ache of old scars and a leg long gone. If he still had both, he’d be out there. Swinging a hammer, shouting at the sky, daring the dragon to hit him harder. Instead, he stood beside me. Watching.

Tufulla fidgeted beside the window. “Perhaps,” he began delicately, “since we are… unlikely to tip the scales of battle, we should consider seeking shelter…

(A crash.)

“…somewhere further away,” Tufulla clarified.

A guard had flown through the window.

He had spun once, hit the floor, and skidded to a stop with a clatter of armour.

Osman hadn’t said much since being told he wasn’t going to the castle. But his sulking was aggressive — like a teenager with a vendetta.

He looked at me now, smug. “You’re still here, Klept. Shouldn’t you be out there helping your friends?

I blinked slowly. “I would, truly. But this room actually has a better vantage point. Far less dodging. Far more intact limbs. Improved field of vision. And unfortunately – ” I gestured to the scorched hem of my robe, “ – church robes are surprisingly flammable. We lost Reader Berin last year to a regrettable altar-candle incident.

Yes, a real pity,” Tufulla sighed, glancing at my journal. “He had excellent handwriting. Legible, even.

Redmond glanced over Tufulla’s shoulder and grimaced.

I’m told some could read it without divine intervention,” Tufulla added, as if stating widely accepted scholarly fact.

I snapped my journal shut, tucked it under one arm, and glowered at them.

Hothar watched the smoke rise through the broken window, nodding solemnly. “That’s because they’re a synthetic blend,” he said. “Not natural fibre. It’s what gives them that holy-shine finish.

I turned to him. “I’m sorry — what?

He gestured vaguely. “The robes. It’s the sheen. They shimmer. People trust a shimmer.

Right,” I said. “Of course. Why wouldn’t we compromise safety for sparkle.

It’s also a budgeting issue,” Redmond called out, halfway through testing whether he could fit behind a bookcase. “Natural fibres cost more these days, and the church needs to rein in its spending.” 

Ah,” Tufulla exclaimed, “That explains the itch.

Brenne opened her mouth, closed it again, and moved to a different corner of the room.

Yun knelt beside the crumpled guard. “He’ll live,” they said quietly, pulling some herbs from a pouch and placing them on a large burn on the soldier’s side. “But if we’re not fighting… we can still help.” They motioned Svaang over, guiding his hands to replace theirs on the wound. Then before anyone could argue, Yun was out the door, already shouting instructions to the guards trying to carry a bloodied comrade through the ash and flame.

Still,” Tufulla said, extending a hand towards Brenne, “perhaps we’d be safer downstairs. In the cache.”

Redmond nodded without a word and began edging toward the adjoining church while Brenne and Tufulla exited the room.

Hothar lingered in the centre of the room, unmoving. The firelight danced across his face as he looked out through the broken glass — not at the dragon, but beyond it. Past the flames. Past the square. Somewhere quieter.

I once told a sapling,” he murmured, “that the fire would not reach it. That the forest would shield it. That the old trees would hold the line.

He paused, the crackle and roar outside filled the silence. His shoulders rose and fell with a slow, heavy breath.

He turned toward the window. “I told them not to go to the castle,” he said. “Told them it wasn’t worth it. That the fight had cost too much already.” Outside, Day drove his blade upward with impossible precision, while Carrie launched from a toppled cart.

Hothar’s voice dropped to a whisper. “But maybe I was wrong about that too.

He smiled softly.

They’re not old trees,” he said. “But they’re holding the line.

Then, with a grunt that seemed to carry the weight of immeasurable regret, he nodded once to no one in particular, and mosied in Tufulla’s direction.

Svaang, lifting the unconscious guard, grunted toward Osman for help. Together, they half-dragged, half-carried him out of the room.

But Travok didn’t move.

He stood at the shattered window, one hand braced on the sill, staring out into the firelit chaos. The dragon’s roar shook the glass, but he stayed still.

You’re not coming?” I asked, motioning to the door.

He didn’t answer at first.

Then:
No more hiding.”

He didn’t look at me, just clenched his jaw.

They broke me in that damn castle,” he said. “Took my leg. Took my nerves. I’ve been hiding in that tavern ever since. But I’m done with that.

The firelight flickered against his face.

I can’t fight. Not anymore… But I’ll damn well bear witness.. So I can remember. So I can tell the others what they did.

I turned to go, but his hand gripped my arm — firm, insistent.

You need to record this.” 

Outside, the dragon roared. The square was on fire. Another star went out. I unsheathed my quill.


Most people in their lifetime will never see a dragon. A handful might glimpse one in the distance, or stumble across a burned-out hillside and wonder. Fewer still will live to tell the tale.

And yet here it was — alive, immediate, and visibly seething.

They had killed its rider.
Worse — they had tried to deceive it. Shape-shifted. Mocked it. Lied with the soft confidence of people too small to understand the size of the insult they’d offered.

Now, the dragon stood, firmly planted in the centre of Dawnsheart’s square like a god prepared to pass sentence. It was enormous. Not ancient, not fully grown, but adolescent in the way a hurricane might be considered ‘a bit of weather.’ Head cocked slightly, it watched as the group approached: weapons drawn, daggers and arrows already in flight. It watched not in curiosity, but in insulted disbelief – like a noble at the opera who’s just realised the orchestra is made up of hyperactive children.

Wings half-spread in a show of dominance, tail coiled and uncoiling with venomous intent, claws gouged deep in the cobblestones, ploughing the stone and rising to its haunches. It could have ended them already. It knew that. So did they.

One breath. One flash of heat, and this square would become a crater.
The buildings, gone.
The guards, ash.
The group, a smear of soot and misplaced bravado.

But quick death would be mercy. And mercy was not on offer. There was one intent: pain.

Intense.
Excruciating.
Deserved.

This wasn’t a hunt. It wasn’t battle. It was punishment.

The group approached, weapons raised, spells at the ready. But they were insects and the dragon was going to pull their wings off, one by one.

Travok whispered, “This is where legends are made,” voice low with mourning — the kind that spoke not of fear, but of a man who wished he were out there.

Defeat a pack of gnolls, or commit a lovable act of antiestablishmentism, maybe you’re lucky enough to get a pie named after you.

He let out a slow, wistful whistle.

But take on a dragon…

He shook his head with something like awe.

No matter the outcome — your name ends up in a ballad. Sung for the rest of time.

Even if they lose?” I asked.

Travok smiled.

Particularly if they lose.

I nodded slowly, eyes flicking to the square outside. Through the smoke, beyond the flames, past the broken carts and overturned market stalls. The people of Dawnsheart were watching.

From alleyways and torched doorways. From behind barrels and wagons and cracks in shuttered windows. Not just guards and soldiers, but bakers, blacksmiths, and children clutched by trembling arms. Those who had fled now turned to watch, distant enough to feel safe, foolish enough to believe distance would matter.

Dawnsheart, and by extension the entire valley wanted to know if this ragged band of lunatics — these misfits and martyrs and mismatched blades — could actually do the impossible. Could stand against a dragon. Could win.

And the dragon knew it too.

Its movements grew slower, more deliberate. Head turning just slightly toward the furthest corners of the square. Not to strike. Not yet. But to be seen.

To demonstrate to everyone, what happened to those who dared.


Carrie, airborne and fluttering near the dragon’s head like a particularly insistent gnat, was a flurry of celestial motion and aggressive music. Her bagpipes screamed a note that could melt glass.
Apparently, it also amused dragons.
Its head whipped around, nostrils flaring, teeth bared in a grin.
Magic like that won’t work on me, little bug,” the voice a blend of forge bellows and stone scraping against stone.
She dodged a swiping talon, grinned back, and pointed skyward, as a storm of glowing wisps surged down from nowhere, dancing along its scales in a cascade of burning starlight.
That’s okay,” she chirped. “This kind clearly does. Every day’s a learning opportunity.

The dragon snapped at her.
She veered hard and crashed through an awning with a string of impressively creative profanity.

She reappeared moments later, dusting herself off with all the indignation of a schoolteacher shoved into a bush, cupping her hands to shout:
Hey, Buttholes. Aim for the shiny salamander!

The dragon snarled.
Low. Guttural. Affronted.
As if salamander was a slur of the highest order.

Its tail whipped. A flick of scale and fury. Day was caught off guard and flung like laundry in a storm.

Carrie caught the full follow-through mid-taunt.
She didn’t fly.
She folded.
A puff of glitter. A crunch.
And then she was part of a bakery wall.

Wikis had loosed three arrows before most people had time to blink — each one fast, precise, and utterly useless.
They glanced off the dragon’s scales like pebbles hurled at a cathedral.
One ricocheted off its foreleg and a guard across the square suddenly found it embedded in his thigh.

Sorry!” Wikis called.
It’s fine!” the guard shouted through gritted teeth. “Not your fault! You guys are doing great.

She nocked another arrow, frowning, just as Day, groaning, slid to a halt beside her.
This time, she aimed almost straight up, toward the thinning stars above. The arrow vanished into the dark.

Then it came screaming back down, glowing faintly.
It struck the dragon’s back and exploded, scattering barbed throns across its wings and shoulders in a glittering cascade.

The roar that followed wasn’t surprise, it was offence.
Like it couldn’t believe something had actually impacted.

Wikis exhaled. “That’s better.

The guard across the square passed out. Yun, fresh from helping pull another to safety, rushed to his side, dragging him several feet back.
Wikis reached down to help Day up.

This one’s gonna be a bit harder than those fish guys,” he wheezed holding his side. Then he charged – sword raised, runes crackling in the air.
He moved with unnatural speed. A blur of steel and braid, darting between the dragon’s legs and launching into a spinning strike beneath its jaw.

The blade connected.
A flash of motion. A spray of dark crimson. The dragon recoiled with a snarl, fangs bared in frustration.

Then it brought its taloned foot down — fast, deliberate, furious.

The blur of motion stopped.

Day lay crumpled and bloodied beneath its weight.

The dragon snarled. Then twisted.

Its foot ground down as it turned. Not in malice, not in hesitation, but as an afterthought.

Day coughed – a wet, rattling sound, and blood splattered the cobbles.

The dragon’s attention moved, slow and dangerous, toward its tail as Din’s hammer cracked against a scale with a sound like stone on steel. Umberto roared and hacked, teeth bared, rage and fury seething from every pore. 

Yak sprinted toward Day, who turned just long enough to give a weak thumbs-up before vanishing in a puff of shadow. He reappeared several feet away, steadying himself on a stack of remarkably intact produce crates, just as Yak thrust a small bottle into his hand and kept running.

Day uncorked it with his teeth and downed the contents in one go.

Yak didn’t wait. He was already on the dragon’s foreleg, plunging a dagger between its scales. Then another.
He climbed — inch by inch — toward its back, scaling a mountain made of hate.

The dragon roared in outrage.
Its body writhed.
Its tail lashed.

Din was flung across the square, plate mail shrieking against the cobbles.
Umberto, through sheer rage and will, held on. For a moment.

Then the dragon twisted to snap at Yak.
Its tail came down hard.

A sickening crack as stone shattered.
Umberto’s grip broke — on the axe, on the tail, on everything.
The weapon clattered across the stone as the impact hurled him through the air.

He landed without grace. An angry tangle of limbs and barely functional loincloth, stopping just shy of the shattered window where Travok and I stood.

Across the square, Din rose from the cobbles, his armor scratched and dented, his beard smouldering and afloat, mouth moving in either prayer or profanity. It was hard to tell beneath the dragon’s roar.

The dragon had Yak.
It had torn him from its back, snagged him by the robe’s hem, and now held him dangling — a furious, flailing morsel.

Din raised his hammer skyward in invocation.
A radiant anvil shimmered into existence above the dragon’s head like a mark of holy punctuation.

With a shout, Din brought the hammer down.

The anvil followed.

It collided with the dragon’s snout just as it flicked Yak toward its waiting jaws, its planned snack rudely interrupted by a celestial anvil to the face.
The crack echoed. The dragon reeled and staggered.

Yak hit the ground in a perfectly timed, perfectly executed tumble that ended in a crouch, blades already drawn. Graceful. Intentional. Infuriatingly stylish.

It was as if Trunch had calculated for this exact moment to happen.

As the dragon stumbled, a volley of dark, writhing energy exploded from Trunch’s fingertips and slammed into its flank. The blasts struck like battering rams, driving the creature sideways, off-balance atop the shattered remains of the town square’s fountain.

Another crash from Din’s summoned anvil.
Another eldritch pulse from Trunch.
Then Din brought his hammer down on the dragon’s forefoot with a divine roar. Bone cracked. A talon shattered.

The dragon screamed.
A howl of fury, pain, and disbelief — neck snapping upward toward the sky.

Two arrows struck true, embedding in the softer scales beneath its jaw.

I turned to see Wikis on a nearby rooftop, already drawing another. Her face was calm. Focused. Dangerous.

Day carefully placed the empty potion bottle on the crates, then turned.

For once, he didn’t look polished. Or calm. Or even vaguely smug.
He looked annoyed. He looked hurt.
His braid was coming undone. His robe was scorched. His eyes burned.

Muttering something under his breath he reached inside his robes and withdrew something small and sharp-edged. Whatever it was, it sparked.

A moment later, so did the dragon.

Lightning tore from Day’s hands and lashed across the beast’s flank. It arched in pain, muscles convulsing, claws raking the ground as its body twisted in agony.

Yak, daggers in hand and clearly determined to start his dragon climb anew, suddenly paused mid-step.

He looked at the dagger in his hand.

Then at the seizing, crackling, electricity-wreathed mass in front of him.

Then at the dagger again.

With a muttered curse and a look of personal disappointment, he shrugged and hurled both blades instead.
The first bounced harmlessly off the thigh.
The second found its mark, lodging deep between softer scales near the hip.

The dragon snarled.

Yak sprang back, tossing in a couple of backward somersaults — because Yak — and landed gracefully beside Day, arms folded.

Teamwork makes the dream work,” he said, casual as ever.

Day didn’t respond. He was sweating with concentration, lightning still arcing between his hands and the dragon in a furious, crackling tether.

Yak raised an eyebrow. “Shocking.

He patted Day on the head. “Keep it up, big guy.

Then, with a chuckle, he dashed back into the fray.


Carrie fluttered over to Umberto. When he didn’t react to her gentle nudging she slapped him across the face and yelled.

Get up you angry bastard. You’re not going to let an over grown lizard get the better of you are you?

He blinked and began to stir. Looking around she glanced through the window.

Klept? What are doing in there? Let’s not go back to being the useless tag-along. Get out her and help.

There was a clang and a shout as Yak ducked under Day’s lightning stream and Din’s hammer clashed against the Dragon’s hide.

As I explained to Osman just moments ago, unfortunately, church robes aren’t made from fire-retardant materials. I’m afraid I’d be more of a liability out there.

Umberto rose to his feet and turned toward the window.

I knew there was something off about that guy,” he snapped.

Sorry — what?” I blinked.

Osman,” he said, like it should be obvious. “Now it makes sense. You said he was –
There was a thunderous roar from the dragon as it received a spiritual anvil to the chest. The walls shook violently. The last of the glass shattered from the window and rained down around us.

Next to him, Carrie clutched her ribs, turned red with laughter, and leaned in to whisper something in his ear. Umberto rolled his eyes and gave a resigned shrug.

No. I said I wasn’t –
Another roar. The sound of rubble smashing into Trunch’s direction cut me off.

Is it mental or physical?” Umberto shouted over the din.

Pardon?

Osman’s…” he glanced at Carrie, who was nearly doubled over, “… impairment?

Travok yanked my collar and pulled me down as a heavy chunk of debris slammed into the wall.

I popped back up, dazed. “His what?

I mean,” Umberto called out, “it’s probably physical — but honestly, could be mental too.

Carrie lost it. Howling, snorting, useless.

She and Umberto dashed off toward the fray.

I turned to Travok, frowning.
He thinks you said Osman is…” Travok raised a brow delicately, “…special.
Realisation hit me. “Oh gods. No, I didn’t … I said my robes weren’t …
But Umberto was already charging headlong into battle, scooping up his axe along the way.

Travok just grinned.
They’re starting to get it,” he said. “Starting to fight like a team.

Still reeling from the miscommunication, I watched. He was right. They were working together now. Using each other. Waiting. Trusting. Different strengths. One target.
And the dragon, was beginning to feel it.


Carrie returned to fluttering around its head.
Seriously?” she yelled. “This is all you’ve got? I’ve seen chickens with more fight in them!
She blew it a kiss.
It winced.
She winked. “Oh, did that hurt?
It fumed.

Umberto’s axe slammed into its haunch.
We killed Dominic twice, you know,” he snarled, ripping the blade free.
It seethed.

Lightning still arced across the square from where Day held firm — face strained, arms trembling, robe scorched.

A bolt from Trunch slammed into its ribs.
He died face-down in an alley,” Trunch growled. There was more venom than I’d ever heard from him.
It boiled. 

Arrows peppered its flank from Wikis’ rooftop perch.
Din’s anvil struck from above, forcing the dragon’s head downward — straight into Din’s waiting hammer.
So I brought him back with a spell,” he grunted.
It reeled.

Yak slid beneath its belly, carving a vicious line with his shortsword as he passed.
It writhed.

And I took off his head,” Umberto huffed — then buried the axe so deep he couldn’t yank it free.
It howled in pain, fury, and utter disbelief.

ENOUGH!” The dragon roared, its wings snapping open.

The gust hit like a storm front. Dust, ash, and debris exploded outward in a choking wave. The ground shook. The few remaining market stalls shattered. Stone crunched beneath the force.

Day’s lightning connection severed mid-stream as he stumbled backward, coughing, arms shielding his eyes. The magical hum that had tethered him to the beast vanished like a snuffed candle.

The others were thrown like ragdolls across the square, scattered by the shockwave. Din slammed into a cart. Carrie tumbled skyward, thudding into the cathedral spire. Trunch disappeared in the smoke. Yak landed in a slide, already reaching for a blade. Umberto grunted as he hit stone and bounced.

Then seconds of silence.

The wrong kind of silence.

The air grew heavy. The dust began to glow with a sinister, embered shimmer. Shadows danced strangely in the thick haze. The temperature rose. Instantly and horrifically. From somewhere within the swirling ash, light bloomed, blinding and white-hot.

And then … Dragonfire. Dust, ash and smoke gave way to vengeful, searing flame.

A torrent of incandescent fire screamed across the square, incinerating wood, melting iron, turning stone to glass. Shutters ignited. Flags disintegrated. 

The scream of fire drowned out everything.

Stubborn Beasts and Burdens

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter XXIV


It wasn’t long before the squeak of wheels and the soft clop of mule hooves on packed dirt were joined by the gentle sound of snoring.

Trunch had wedged himself between two packs near the back of the cart, a faded raincloak bundled beneath his head like a makeshift pillow. The cart jolted and creaked beneath him, but he was already fast asleep — mouth slightly open, hands folded across his chest, a look of childlike innocence softening his features. The rise and fall of his chest was occasionally interrupted by a flicker of dark energy crackling across his fingertips.
He looked peaceful.

Except for the shadows.
They didn’t quite match the rhythm of the cart’s movement — just a fraction too slow to follow, a fraction too eager to reach.

Yak sat near one edge of the cart with the ease of someone who had done this a thousand times – and with the glee of someone who was delighted each time as if it were the first. Legs swinging freely, a leather pouch bouncing at his hip, a smudged notebook balanced on one knee. Every so often, he’d leap down without warning and dart into the brush or to the roadside where a tree or flowering shrub caught his eye.

He sniffed, pinched, and occasionally nibbled at leaves, petals and bark, scribbling quick notes in cramped, inky handwriting. Then, just as suddenly, he’d strike, a flick of a small blade slicing a bloom or strip of bark free with surgical precision. More than once, he was back on the cart before the plant had finished swaying from the force of his cut.

There was something undeniably innocent about the way he perched there between bursts of activity; legs swinging, humming to himself, pleased by whatever strange alchemy he was planning. But the speed with which he moved gave his actions an edge. It was hard to say whether he was picking ingredients or hunting them.

He returned each time with eyes dancing. Sometimes he held up a leaf for the others to admire, only to tuck it away without waiting for a response. The cart ride settled into a strange rhythm: leap, nibble, sniff, slash, scribble.

And though he always smiled, it was hard to say what that smile looked like. Around strangers, Yak’s face became something slippery and forgettable. Constantly changing and unknowable. But even here, among friends, his features were oddly blank, almost like a placeholder for a person. You could stare at him for minutes and still not recall the color of his eyes. Only the smile remained. Unsettlingly constant. Unfailingly cheerful.

Wikis spent most of the journey watching the sky as though she believed it wasn’t being truthful.

She perched near the front of the cart, hood pulled low, eyes narrowed, scanning every passing cloud with the intensity of someone waiting for a very specific kind of doom to arrive. Her fingers toyed constantly with the drawstring of the small pouch at her hip, the one that jingled faintly with the weight of coins, buttons, fragments of mirror, and other shiny trinkets no one else had dared ask about.

She muttered to it often.

Every few minutes, she’d open it with great suspicion, rifle through its contents, and breathe a sigh of relief. Then she’d glance sharply at whoever was closest, brows drawn tight with narrowed accusation.

Once, she scurried forward along the cart’s wooden lip, across the reins with surprising balance, and leaned in close to one of the mules. She whispered something low and urgent into its ear. Then, just as quickly, she darted back, climbing over Day’s shoulder like a raccoon and tucking herself behind a pile of packs with a nod of satisfaction.

She tried hiding behind Carrie for a while although it was less hiding and more crouching very visibly in the open and insisting she was unseen. Every so often, she peeked out to glare up at a patch of sky that seemed slightly too empty for her liking, or slightly too full.

Her bow lay across her knees the entire time, fingertips brushing it occasionally, not as a threat, but more like a reminder. No one had taken anything from her pouch. But that didn’t mean they wouldn’t.

She seemed to think the sky definitely knew something.

Umberto sat cross-legged, reading a well-worn copy of Barbara Dongswallower’s A Tight Fit, his thumb tracing along the spine like it was something sacred. The cart jostled and groaned beneath him, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was deep in the pages, lips moving silently as he read.

He let out a satisfied grunt.
There it is,” he whispered, nodding to himself. “The perfect example. Right there.

He winced and rubbed his jaw, then touched the side of his face with two fingers, gently testing the tenderness of the bruise.
Totally worth it,” he muttered. “How anyone could possibly think Barbara Dongswallower’s prose is anything but the height of literary perfection is beyond me.” 

He shook his head and scoffed mockingly, “Oh, her prose is awful. She obviously uses a ghost-writer.” 

Then, louder — to no one in particular, but loud enough for everyone to hear — he read:

Their gazes collided like charging stallions on a moonlit moor, breathless and wild. His voice was gravel soaked in honey, scraping sweetly against the hollow of her hesitation. And when his fingers grazed her greaves, she didn’t just tremble — she unraveled, one thread at a time, until she was nothing but longing laced in plate.

Somehow, he rolled his eyes in both derision and ecstasy.

I mean, come on. Nuance. Subtlety. Structure. That guy and his idiot friends deserved the lesson in literary appreciation.

He rubbed the side of his face again and resumed reading with a sense of righteous conviction, the bruising along his cheek catching the sun as he smiled softly to himself.

Day looked at me and shrugged.

Carrie fluttered nonstop. From the moment the cart left the Dawnsheart, to the moment the Prophet Rock loomed into view, she buzzed from person to person like a winged monologue generator, trailing sparkles and unrelenting commentary in her wake. She didn’t wait for responses. Didn’t need them. It was less a conversation and more a performance. Delivered in acts, punctuated by costume changes, and underscored by the faint shimmer of fairy dust clinging to her wake.

That cloud looks like a muffin,” she told Umberto, who didn’t look up from his novel. “A sad muffin. I bet it has emotional baggage.

Later: “Do you think mules ever dream of being ponies? Or like, war horses? Or peacocks?

At one point she pulled out her bagpipes and launched into a triumphant, if uneven, rendition of The Ballad of the Soggy Goat. Yak applauded with genuine delight, throwing flower petals at her like a drunken wedding guest. Carrie bowed midair, blew a kiss, and stuffed the flowers into her corset with a dramatic gasp of gratitude, as though she’d just won a lifetime achievement award.

Eventually, her attention turned to the mules.

This began innocently enough: a little petting, a little cooing, a few whispered compliments. Then came the glitter. Then feathers. Then braided manes, makeup, a decorative sash made from a strip of old curtain she swore wasn’t stolen, and what might have once been one of Trunch’s handkerchiefs now acting as a headband across one mule’s brow.

By the time she was finished, the mules looked like parade float rejects—proud, sparkling, faintly horrified.

Stunning,” Carrie declared, fluttering between them, hands on hips, admiring her work. “Absolutely radiant. If we run into any bandits, they’ll be far too intimidated by the sheer confidence of these looks to attack us.

When not fluttering between the cart’s occupants and her newly beautified beasts, she twirled slowly above the wagon, arms outstretched, catching falling leaves and assigning each of them names and scandalous backstories. Somewhere around the midpoint of the journey, she adopted a small stick, named it Madame Dewsnap, and insisted it was the group’s moral compass.

While Carrie directed the mules through their glitter debut, Din and Day pressed me for details. Before we’d left, Tufulla had handed me a stack of parchment—updates, intelligence, scattered notes—meant to help us piece things together and prepare for whatever storm was brewing.

There’s a note here,” I said, flipping through the stack and holding one out to Day. “Something about another stump being found. In the forest outside Briarbright.

Day frowned, studying the parchment. “No doubt they’ll find more soon. Briarbright?

The Briars,” I replied. “It’s the half of the city across the river,” I clarified.

Din leaned over, plucking the page from Day’s hands. “Trunch mentioned that once, didn’t he? Something about one city becoming two?

I nodded. “The Briars used to be one city, Briarton: larger than Dawnsheart, actually. It straddled the Crystal River. But centuries ago, a family dispute broke out, an argument over which heir should lead. They never settled it. So the city split, clean down the river.

They just… split the city in half?” Day asked, eyebrows raised.

Right down the middle. It’s been two separate towns ever since – Brightbriar and Briarbright. And no, they never reconciled. No one even remembers what the original argument was about, but the grudge stuck. There’s only one bridge between them now, and it’s heavily guarded on both ends, just in case anyone gets nostalgic and tries diplomacy.

I flipped through the parchment until one sheet caught my eye. I passed it to Din. “You might find this interesting.

My eyes skimmed the text—years of scribing had made quick reading second nature. “There was an attempt on the King’s life. The Royal Guard’s been disbanded.

Day leaned in, peering over the page. “Really? During the harvest festival? That’s bold.

Looks like one of the bodyguards was killed. Another was arrested—accused of being part of the plot. The Brothers of Midnight ran an internal investigation and uncovered several others in the Guard who were complicit.” Din’s brow furrowed as he read. 

That’s… serious. Treason inside the palace guard?” Day questioned.

Seems so. The entire Guard was dissolved. The Brothers of Midnight took over.” Din handed the parchment back to me.. 

Brothers of Midnight?” Day glanced at me.

Elite splinter group,” I said. “Formed from the Royal Guard. Their job is to protect the royal family during the dead of night—silent operatives, moving in shadows. The kingdom’s hidden hand. Loyal, lethal, and invisible when they need to be.

Rumor has it they operate on two fronts” Yak’s voice cut in over Carrie’s bagpipes. “There’s a division that stays in the capital and another that operates around the continent.” 

Day gave a low whistle. “Well. They sound like a group you don’t want to piss off.

I flipped further through the stack. “Ah. Here we go. The White Ravens have confirmed increased undead activity. Scattered groups throughout the valley, most of them… drifting.

Drifting?” Din asked, leaning over again.

Apparently not attacking. Just walking. All headed in the same direction. Toward the mountains.

Day frowned. “Like Wikis and Umberto, back at the stump.

I nodded. “Castle Ieyoch. That’s the implication. They’ve counted at least four dozen distinct shamblers. Some groups as small as two or three. A few large enough to be dangerous.

“Only within the valley?” Din asked.

I’m not sure,” I said, flipping to the next page. “A few sparse sightings outside. All heading the same way – toward the Humbledoewn Valley.

Drawn to something,” Day murmured. “Or someone.

There was a silence as we let that settle.

I reached for another sheet, thinner than the rest, its ink faded but precise. “Huh.

What is it?” Din asked.

It’s a historical note,” I said, “about a celestial event—an eclipse, centuries ago. Lasted several days.”

Din raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound normal.”

“It isn’t. Wasn’t,” I replied. “At least, not naturally. According to this, the eclipse coincided with the rise of the Dan’del’ion Court. Some believed it was a bad omen. Others thought it was unnatural, intentional.” Day pursed his lips and nodded. “One scholar posits it wasn’t an eclipse at all, but a ritual cloaking of the sun. Apparently it started with the removal of the stars from the night sky. Whatever that means.

Lovely,” Day muttered, exhaling sharply. “A kingdom of shadows rising in darkness. Of course they’d start with the sky.

Din steepled his fingers, “If we can believe anything Dominic said, before he revealed himself – he said there was an army at the castle waiting for an event.

You think they’re waiting for another eclipse?” Day asked.

You said they were vampires, some of them.” Din looked at me. “It makes sense. That would be a good time for them to attack. No sun.

Possibly. Or maybe it’s a ritual.” I folded the parchment and slid it back into the stack. “Either way, we’ve got little information and less time.” My gaze drifted up the length of the cart. 

Wikis sat perched with her hood drawn tight, still glaring up at the sky. Her hand hovered near the pouch at her hip. The other over the bow on her lap. A cloud passed overhead, and her eyes followed it like a hawk.

I turned back to the parchment.

Do you think she senses something?” I asked, quietly.

Din shrugged, “She’s been watching the sky all morning. Maybe she knows what’s coming.

Maybe,” Day replied. “Or maybe she’s mad.

Not always mutually exclusive,” I said.

A gust of wind stirred the trees.

Wikis narrowed her eyes at the clouds again, like she was waiting for them to blink.


The Kashten Dell was quiet. On its edges, sun-dappled trees swayed gently in the afternoon breeze, their leaves rustling in soft conversation. Birds chirped lazily from the branches above, and the hum of insects buzzed through tall grass and blooming wildflowers, blues and yellows and white-starred purple, growing in cheerful defiance of the beaten path.

It wasn’t bustling. Outside of the Harvest Festival and the Reading, it never was. Just a few scattered travellers, the occasional creak of a wooden cart in the distance, and the still, reflective surface of Prophet Rock lake.

The last time we’d seen the Dell, it was chaos — tents on fire, people screaming, smoke curling through the trees, the ground slick with blood. Now… It was peaceful. Calm. Serene. As if the land itself was trying to forget.

Now, we’d come in search of Hothar, a firbolg druid who protected the surrounding wilderness and was once a part of an adventuring team that had scouted Castle Ieyoch, but no one in the Dell seemed keen to talk about him. Or maybe they didn’t know him at all. We weren’t sure which. An old woman seated on a rock beside the road just laughed and waved us away. Umberto didn’t take it well.

Big guy,” Din said to a man fishing at the edge of Prophet Rock Lake. “Tall. Looks after the place. Might wear moss.

The fisherman shrugged and pointed vaguely toward the woods, “Haven’t seen him in a few days. His hut is just over there, beyond the tree line.

We headed in the direction the man had indicated and found a small, makeshift shelter; a simple roof woven from twigs and leaves, balanced atop four thick branches driven into the ground. A sleeping mat lay off to one side. Nearby, a pot and a blackened kettle hung over a small firepit, the ashes cold and gray – untouched for several hours, at least. Dried herbs hung in neat bunches from the ceiling. Clay bowls filled with berries and nuts sat carefully arranged on a flat stone.

It didn’t look abandoned.

But it didn’t look lived in either.

We called out a few times, but there was no answer. The woods stayed quiet.

Yak wandered over to one of the clay bowls, picked out a berry, sniffed it, then gave it a tentative lick.

Din didn’t even look up. “Put it back.

Yak sighed and dropped the berry back into the bowl with exaggerated disappointment, wiping his tongue on his sleeve.

Trunch wandered down toward the lake and stopped at the edge of the water. He stood there for a while, just… looking. Then he tossed a small stone and watched the ripples drift outward where it fell.

You gonna climb it again,” Umberto asked, eyeing the Prophet Rock with renewed interest.

Trunch shook his head. “No,” he said quietly. “Not this time.

Umberto turned. “Why not?

Trunch didn’t answer right away. He just stared at the rock.

I don’t think it would be respectful,” he finally said. “And… part of me wonders if what I did started something we didn’t understand.

Umberto nodded and shrugged.

Trunch tilted his head. “Also … I can’t actually swim.

We waited. We searched. We asked a few more questions to the handful of people still lingering nearby, but no one could point us toward him.

Hothar?” A portly man with a sun-reddened nose paused mid-step, his wiry mule snorting behind him beneath a tower of bundled fabrics. “Big fella, gentle as rain? He’s always pokin’ around the woods — talking to trees, rescuing birds, that sort of thing. Sort of nature’s warden, y’know? Usually shows up when something needs fixing. Or when the squirrels start organizing again.

He scratched his head beneath a frayed straw hat. “Might be out checking on a grove or a nesting site or who knows what. He comes and goes. Nature business.

The man chuckled as he adjusted one of the bundles. “If you’re waiting to talk to him… you might be waiting a while. Works on nature’s time, that one.

After an hour, we gave up.

We don’t have time for this,” Day said, scanning the treeline. “I think we should move on. Find Travok, he’s next on the list.”

No one argued. We left the Dell behind, the Prophet Rock shrinking behind the trees as we turned north — toward Ravenswell.

Apparently,” I ran my eyes over the notes Yun and Tufulla had provided about the group, “He runs an inn just outside Ravenswell, the Stumble Inn.

Finally,” Umberto snapped. “Somewhere that serves drinks.


Ravenswell came into view before the Stumble Inn — or at least, the aura of it did.

I think the forest is on fire,” Carrie gasped as we crested a low hill.

Chimneys,” I said flatly. “Just chimneys.

Chimneys?” Din asked, squinting into the haze. “That many?”

Welcome to Ravenswell,” I replied. “Industrial hub of the valley. Iron and coal mines in the Marwhera Peaks just behind it. Almost all the valley’s weapons, tools, furniture — they’re made here.

Smells like burnt socks,” Yak muttered, wrinkling his nose.

Doesn’t really fit the rest of the valley,” Day noted.

It doesn’t,” I agreed. “Everywhere else is farms and forests. Here, it’s soot and sawdust. The best smiths, carpenters, fletchers, coopers — all of them set up shop in Ravenswell. It’s not as polluting as some of the industrial towns beyond the mountains, but in a place like this? The contrast is… noticeable.

Trunch tapped a finger against his temple. “I read once that the best woodwork on the continent came from this valley. Timberham, wasn’t it?

I nodded. “Timberham. South of Briarbright. Legendary craftsmanship. The kind of place where chairs were heirlooms and doorframes had waiting lists.

And now it’s a ghost town. No one really goes there anymore?” Trunch asked.

Because of actual ghosts?” Carrie asked hopefully.

No. Bad memories.

What happened?

Dan’del’ion Court. They razed it — a warning to the valley. It’s just blackened beams and broken windows now. Very few actual residents.

Carrie’s eyes lit up. “So, possibly because of ghosts?

I turned to her. “No. Mostly just abandoned. Possibly cursed.

She frowned.

I sighed. “Although… given the circumstances and the rumors, I wouldn’t rule out ghosts entirely.

Several minutes later, just before the edge of Ravenswell proper, the Stumble Inn came into view — a squat, single-storey building of thatch and stone, nestled like an afterthought at the bend in the road. Smoke curled lazily from a small chimney. A modest stable stood to one side, and a C.A.R.T. stand sat nearby, its beast pen empty and its attendant half-asleep.

We led the mules over first. The attendant roused with a grunt — then froze as Carrie’s glittered parade-beasts came into view.

He blinked.

The mule with the braided mane snorted defiantly.

I can explain,” Carrie chirped, like someone accepting a trophy.

You really can’t,” Day muttered, patting the mule’s flank.

We left the beasts in his stunned care and made our way toward the inn.

I’ll stay out front,” Day said as we approached. “Keep an eye out. Just in case.

Wikis nodded and wordlessly joined him, already half-cloaked in her hood, watching the sky again like it had wronged her personally.

We headed to the door which creaked open with a groan, and stepped into the dim glow of the Stumble Inn.

Or tried to.

Trunch was first — and promptly tripped forward with a startled grunt, catching himself on a table and knocking over a spoon.

The inn erupted in cheers.

Yak and Umberto reached the doorway at the same time. There was an immediate flurry of elbows and shoulders as they jostled for position.

Move it,” Umberto growled. “I need a drink.

Not as much as I do,” Yak hissed back, grinning.

They pushed, twisted, half-tripped over each other — and finally burst through the threshold in a tangled heap.

The room erupted.

Yak landed sprawled and sideways across the earthen floor, arms splayed like a felled starfish. Umberto skidded into a table leg, rolled to his feet, and threw both arms in the air like he’d just won a wrestling match.

Cheers, whistles, and laughter rang out across the inn.

Carrie fluttered in with perfect grace, feet never touching the ground. She landed gracefully on an empty table, twirled and struck a dazzling pose … and was met with complete silence.

She blinked. “Oh come on.

Din followed next, stepping over the threshold carefully and with intention. A chorus of boos met him before his boots had fully hit the packed earth..

He raised a single brow. “Really?

They didn’t stumble!” someone shouted “They buy their own.

Carrie crossed her arms. “I was being elegant.

The barkeep shrugged. “Elegance don’t get you an ale.

She glared at him.

I followed right after them — and stumbled.

My boot hit the raised threshold just a little too high, and the floor dropped just a little too quickly. As I pitched forward, I had just enough time to think, Ah. Slightly elevated entry, lower interior floor. Optical illusion. How clever.

Then I hit the floor, caught myself on a table leg, and was met with thunderous applause.

Better!” someone yelled.

I straightened, dusted myself off, and gave a short bow. “You people are very enthusiastic about other people falling over,” I observed.

That’s the whole point.” the barkeep called. “It’s in the name. First timers get an ale on the house, if they stumble in.” He waved a hand derisively, as if he really didn’t care at all.

Free ale,” Umberto said, downing a mug that was handed to him in a long, satisfying gulp. He exhaled like someone who’d just emerged from underwater. “This place,” he said, eyes closed, “is great.” He turned to Yak, “We need a gimmick.

It was the happiest we’d seen him all day.

What brings you to the Stumble Inn?” The individual behind the bar was a squat, broad-shouldered Dwarf. He wiped his hands on a greasy cloth and scowled at us like we’d spilled something.

We’re looking for someone,” Carrie replied. She leaned in closely, “Someone who is in danger.

So, you’re not just passing through,” he said flatly.

Not just,” Din replied, nodding politely.

The dwarf didn’t answer. Just kept wiping, one eye narrowing.

Umberto set his tankard down. “You wouldn’t happen to know a Travok, would you?

The wiping stopped.

Depends who’s asking.

We’re friends of Yun,” I offered. “And Tufulla.

He grunted. “Figures.” He threw the cloth down. “So, you church folk.” He glanced at me.

We’re not with the Church,” Din said.

We’re an independent group, ” Carrie cut in “No political affiliations. We’re the Damaged Buttholes.

The inn keeper raised a brow. “That’s not a real name.

Unfortunately, it is,” Din muttered. 

Travok looked at me again. “So what’s he doing with you then?” He jabbed a thick finger in my direction.

I’m just a scribe,” I said quickly. “A note-taker.

He squinted at me like I was some kind of fungus growing on a loaf of bread.

I cleared my throat. “They – can’t write,” I added, eyeing Umberto pointedly.

Umberto scowled, raised his mug and drank again.

We’re trying to find out about Castle Ieyoch.” Yak added, “About what happened there.

The dwarf stared long and hard at Yak. He leaned forward slightly, squinting into the hooded shadows. “You been in here before?” He asked, “You look kind of familiar.

Yak just smiled. “Me? No, first time patron. I just have one of those faces.

The Dan’del’ion Court is rising again.” Trunch added with conviction, “Yun said Travok was part of a scouting team that made it back from the castle. We just want to ask him a few questions.

Travok’s eyes tightened.

I don’t talk about that,” he said. “Didn’t then. Don’t now.

Why not?” Din asked gently.

Because I don’t remember.
The words dropped heavy and bitter.

So, you’re Travok?” Carrie asked, eyes wide. “I thought you’d be … bigger.

He scowled.

That explains the crossbows,” Yak said casually.

Travok’s eyes snapped toward him.

Trunch frowned. “What crossbows?

The traps,” Yak said, still not looking at anyone. “Button-triggered, I’d guess. I noticed three separate clicking sounds when we mentioned his name. Above the door, under the bench, and,” he leaned sideways a fraction, “behind that barrel over there.

Travok stared at him. Then, slowly, he reached below the bar and flipped a small switch with a heavy clunk.

Built most of them myself,” he said gruffly. “Harmond helped. Old friend. 

Harmond of Beastly Bits. In Dawnsheart?” I asked.

That’s him. Mad as a goat. Knows his contraptions though.

Expecting someone?” Din asked.

I always expect someone,” Travok snapped. “After I got out of that cursed place, I started having visitors. Mostly at night. Always hooded. Always wearing one of these

He reached beneath the bar and pulled out a small lockbox. Inside were five identical medallions — the unmistakable emblem of the Dan’del’ion Court.

Pffft. We’ve got like a dozen or so of those,” Carrie scoffed as she reached into her pack and dumped a cloth wrapped heap on the bar. There was the distinct clink of metal as the cloth parted exposing a pile of medallions. “What’s your point?

I moved to quickly cover the pile of medallions with the edges of the cloth, “Don’t wave these around in public,” I hissed at Carrie, “They’re highly illegal.

No one here gives a shit,” Travok snarled. Then, raising his voice to the room:
Hey — these…” he glanced at us quickly, “…buttholes have killed a bunch of Dan’del’ion scumbags!

There was a cheer and the clink of glasses in celebration.

You’ll find no love for the Dan’del’ion Court here,” he added, with something approaching joy. “May they all die fucking painful deaths.

Umberto, Yak, and Carrie raised their mugs in silent salute, joined by the majority of scattered patrons throughout the room.

Travok leaned back behind the bar, crossed his arms, and looked us over.
Right. We’ve done introductions. Now we’re best fucking friends,” he said with a smug curl to his lip, “What in Bragmire’s name do you want?

There was a beat of quiet. A shuffling of feet. The uncomfortable scrape of barstools. Ale being swallowed a little too loudly.
No one wanted to be the first to speak.

Eventually, Din stepped forward.

We came to ask you to come with us,” he said. “Back to Dawnsheart.

Before Travok could respond, the door burst open behind us.
A loud cheer erupted from the patrons as Wikis faceplanted into the dirt just inside the threshold.

A mug of ale was quickly thrust into her hand. She clutched it instinctively, eyes wide, body tense and coiled like a spring.

Friend of yours?” Travok asked, one eyebrow raised as his hand slipped under the bar.

She’s with us, yes,” Din answered, calm and steady.

Travok snorted and pulled his hand back. “‘Course she is.

Your name is on a list,” Trunch said calmly. “Found on a Dan’del’ion assassin.

Travok didn’t move.

There were three of them,” Trunch continued. “Assassins. Working together. The other two are still out there.

We took care of one of them,” Carrie added cheerfully, like she was announcing free cake.

Din stepped forward again, locking eyes with Travok.
The list had names. Members of your team. You. Yun. Hothar. Svaang. And High Reader Tufulla.

Travok’s jaw clenched.

Tufulla and Yun both think it’ll be safer if you’re all in one place,” Din finished. “Strength in numbers.

They’re killing off anyone who knows anything,” Trunch said. “That’s why we need to get you to Dawnsheart. Tufulla and Yun—

I’m not going,” Travok cut him off. “I have this place rigged tighter than the King’s vault. You want me in a safe place? You’re in it.

Travok,” Din pleaded, “if we don’t work together, none of us are going to be safe. We’ve already been attacked. People are dying. We need answers.

I don’t have answers,” Travok snapped, this time slamming his hand on the bar. “I told you. The Castle was strange. Wrong. We went in… I don’t know what we found. Just pieces. Flashes. Screaming. Fire. A light that wasn’t a light. They took my leg. We made it out. I call that a fair trade.” He stepped back from the bar and tapped his peg-leg against the floor.

We’re not asking you to fight,” Trunch offered. “Just talk. Help us fill in the gaps.

I can’t,” Travok snapped again, this time slamming both hands onto the bar. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. My memories are… gone. Or missing. There’s gaps I don’t remember. They messed with our heads!

He looked up slowly and gestured at his tavern.

Did you stop to wonder why the floor here is just dirt? It’s because I think about that place every time I hear this peg knock against stone or wood,” he said brusquely. “What they did to us. How she didn’t make it out.” Then he drained the last of his ale, stared into the mug like it might refill itself, and muttered, “Go find the others. If they’re still breathing maybe they’ll help.

You’re not going to?” Din asked quietly.

I just did,” Travok said, and turned away. “Now drink up, and get out before I decide you are looking for trouble.

We started to gather our things. There was an edge to the silence now, like a conversation that had closed too hard.

Carrie lingered by the bar, eyes still on Travok.

What was her name?” she asked softly. “The one who didn’t make it out.

Travok didn’t look up. He just exhaled through his nose, like the question had pulled something sharp from deep inside.

Adina,” he said. “Her name was Adina.

There was a pause. Then:

She and Svaang were close. Real close. He can tell you more. If you can find him.

He didn’t say anything else. Just stared into his empty mug like it held a map to somewhere better.


We stepped out into the mid-afternoon air and found Day casually petting our overly-decorated mules at the C.A.R.T. stand. One of them now had glitter on its ears. The other had feathers stuck to its tail and looked like it wanted to die.

So,” Day said, not looking up, “I take it he’s not coming with us?

He said it in that calm, matter-of-fact way that made it sound like he’d known all along.

No,” Din replied, setting his hammer on the cart with a weary thud. “He’s too stubborn to move and too broken to help.

Carrie fluttered over and landed lightly on the cart’s edge. “He gave us a name, though,” she said. “Adina. She’s the one who didn’t make it out.

Day nodded slowly. “I guess that’s something.” He unhooked the mules from the hitching post and tossed the attendant a silver.

Yak stood nibbling a dried biscuit. “He said Svaang would be able to tell us more. Where did Yun say we’d find him?

The Briars,” Wikis said, eyeing the nearby treeline. “Somewhere near the bridge.” She climbed onto the cart without breaking eye contact with the trees.

I say we don’t even bother,” Umberto growled, stomping up to the cart. “Let them get hunted. Fend for themselves. We know where the damn castle is — let’s just go. Kick the door in. End it now.

Carrie lit up like he’d suggested they crash a royal wedding. “Honestly? That kind of energy is very appealing right now.” She fluttered down beside him, poked his bicep, and grinned. “We storm the gates, you rage, Wikis looses some arrows — boom. Instant legends.

I’m in,” Umberto said, flexing his fingers. “We’re wasting time. All this walking and talking — for what? Another name on a list? Another paranoid old fart who won’t help us?

No,” Trunch said gently, climbing aboard. “We don’t even know what we’re walking into. Too many variables. Too many unknowns.

You’re assuming we have time to figure everything out,” Umberto snapped. “Right now, we’re just dithering around the countryside, talking to ghosts and cowards.

And what if we’re walking straight into a trap?” Din said firmly, turning to face him. “The only information we have about the castle came from Dominic — when he was pretending to be Jonath. We don’t know what’s real and what’s bait.

Umberto scowled, jaw clenched. But he didn’t argue.

Day spoke from the front of the cart, still adjusting the harness on the mules. “We move faster,” he said simply. “Find Svaang. Find Hothar. We go through the Dell on the way to the Briars anyway. We gather what we can.

He looked back at the group. “The more information we have, the better our odds.

Umberto exhaled through his nose like a bull barely held at bay. “I swear, if this ends with us back in a tavern discussing feelings—

It won’t,” Din said, resting a hand on the haft of his hammer. “You’ll get to hit something soon. Lots of things, probably.

Umberto snorted, then gave a grudging nod and hoisted himself onto the cart. “You better hope so,” he said, eyeing me as he settled in. “Or I’ll take it out on something else.

I promise,” Din said gently, patting him on the shoulder.

I shifted uncomfortably.

Carrie tossed a flower behind her like it was the end of an opera. “Onward, to glory,” she declared. “I feel it in the wind.

That’s probably just glitter,” Yak said, brushing some from his collar and climbing aboard.

We urged the mules into motion, hoping they’d pick up the pace now that time actually mattered.

They did not.

If anything, they seemed personally offended by the idea.

The one with glitter on its ears stopped to chew a particularly unappetizing patch of grass. The other let out a deep, sorrowful sigh — the kind that sounded like it had just remembered every bad thing that had ever happened to it.

This is ridiculous,” Umberto muttered, shifting his weight. “Can’t they move faster?

Wikis glanced at the mules, then the cart. “Next time we’re in a hurry, maybe we spring for the upgrade and hire horses instead.

The mule with feathers sneezed.

We arrived at the Dell in the late afternoon. The air had gained a bite, and cold winds began to creep down from the mountains. We hitched the mules to a post near the lake, letting them drink to their hearts’ content.

Wikis, ever alert, tapped Day on the shoulder and motioned toward a patch of wildflowers near the tree line — not far from where we’d inspected Hothar’s hut earlier. A shape sat still among the blooms, a silhouette woven of shadow and subtle movement.

Hey,” Day said, quietly. “Looks like he might be here.

We approached carefully, and found ourselves standing before a tangle of limbs and stillness.

He sat cross-legged in the dirt, surrounded by wildflowers, as if the patch had grown around him. Long, lanky legs folded beneath a wiry frame, more sinew than muscle. His arms draped at his sides like vines left untethered. If he stood, he’d have easily cleared seven feet.

A pipe — not carved, but formed from a naturally hollowed curve of wood — rested between his lips. Thin ribbons of smoke drifted lazily skyward.

His face was soft and broad, almost bovine in its shape, with wide nostrils and heavy-lidded eyes. It was the kind of face built for peace. At that moment, he seemed entirely lost in it.

We all eyed each other, waiting for someone to speak.

Umberto stepped forward.

Trunch immediately threw out an arm and pushed him back, clearing his throat softly as he stepped in front.

Excuse me… are you Hothar?

The figure didn’t move at first. Just sat there in the wildflowers, pipe balanced between his lips, smoke curling lazily toward the clouds.

Then he spoke — a slow, low rumble, like tree roots stretching in the earth.

Mmm.

A long pause.

Names’re a funny thing… don’t you think?

He blinked slowly, eyes still fixed on some distant thought.

Like a coat. You put it on. Wear it a while. Sometimes it fits. Sometimes it’s jus’ heavy.

Another slow drag on the pipe.

But aye…” He tilted his head toward Trunch. “Folk call me Hothar. So… maybe I am.

Trunch took a careful step forward.
We were hoping to talk to you,” he said. “About the Dan’del’ion Court. Castle Ieyoch. We’re friends of Yun.

Hothar didn’t answer at first. Just breathed slowly through his nose, eyes still on the flower between his fingers.

Mm. Yun,” he murmured. “Bright flame. Burns careful.

A gust of wind stirred the wildflowers, brushing his sleeves.

But that place… that name…” His voice softened even more, almost a whisper. “It don’t belong in mouths no more.

He set the flower gently down on the earth beside him.

Some things don’t grow back, friend,” he said. “Not right. Not really. You can try to mend the branch, but the scar’s still there — and it don’t bear fruit the same way.

Then he looked at Trunch for the first time. Not unfriendly. But heavy.

Why would you chase rot in the root, when there’s still blossom on the tree?

There was a beat of silence.

Then Umberto exhaled, loud through his nose. His jaw clenched. His shoulders rose. His fists opened and closed at his sides like he was wringing out an invisible towel.

Steam, in the shape of a man.

Are you kidding me?” he muttered. “We’re out here chasing whispers while they’re raising the dead and sharpening blades—

Day put a hand on his arm. He shook it off.

Umberto,” Din warned quietly.

But Hothar didn’t flinch. He turned slowly, pipe still balanced between his lips, and looked up at the boiling gnome.

Mmm.

He took a long draw, then let the smoke curl from his nose.

Boiling water don’t see the stars,” he said.

Another pause.

Too busy bubbling.”

Then he turned back toward the flowers, like that was explanation enough.

Trunch stepped forward again, voice steady but gentle.
We’re not here to stir up old wounds. We just… we need to understand. What you saw. What happened in that castle.

Hothar didn’t look up. He pinched a stalk of wild mint between his fingers and inhaled deeply.

The wind don’t tell the tree where it’s blowin’,” he said softly. “But still, the branches bend.

Trunch opened his mouth. Closed it. Looked to Din.

Din cleared his throat and tried a different tack.
Hothar. You’re in danger. They’re hunting people. Everyone who went to that place. You included.

At that, Hothar gave a slow nod. Not surprised. Not moved.
All things are hunted,” he said. “Antelope knows the lion. Tree knows the axe. Seed knows the frost.
He looked up at Din.
You call it danger. I call it rhythm.

But if we work together,” Din tried again, “we can stop this.

Wikis stood unblinking, head cocked to one side. Watching the firbolg intently.

You can’t stop winter no matter how hard you try,” Hothar murmured. “You endure it. Let it pass. Plant again come spring.

Umberto paced a few steps away, muttering curses to himself.

Trunch tried once more. “Please. Just something. A memory. A glimpse. Anything that can help.

Hothar’s voice dropped into near reverence.
Some soil ain’t meant to be turned.
He tapped his temple lightly.
Sometimes, it’s best to leave it be, don’t give the wrong things a chance to grow.

That’s it,” Umberto growled, stomping forward. “You’re just gonna sit here spouting gardening riddles while the rest of us are bleeding trying to fix this?

Hothar didn’t move. Didn’t blink.

Mmm.

He took another pull on the pipe. “The sun can’t reach everything” he said. “Some things naturally grow in the dark.

Gods, I hate gardening,” Umberto muttered. He walked over to the road and began kicking at stones and pebbles, cursing.

A quiet giggle cut through the tension.
An elderly woman perched on a rock by the roadside called out, “It’s no use. All he does is talk in riddles. I reckon it’s the pipe what does it.

Din turned toward her, exasperated. “You mean there’s no way to get a straight answer out of him?

“’Fraid not,” she said with a shrug. “He’s always like this — unless there’s a threat to the Dell. A fire, a hunter, someone pickin’ too many flowers. If he feels the land’s in danger, then he speaks.

Din rubbed his forehead and sighed.
Well,” he said, loud enough for the rest of us to hear, “we are not starting a forest fire.

The way he said it made it very clear — that wasn’t a suggestion.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Wikis — still watching the druid — nudge Day and motion silently toward something I couldn’t quite see. I turned to follow her gaze toward Hothar, just as Umberto pulled my attention elsewhere.

The place needs to feel threatened for him to act, huh?” Umberto snapped. “That’s fucking great.

He stepped toward the old woman.

Is this threatening enough?”

His clenched fist connected with her jaw with a loud crack.

She slid from the rock, head hitting the ground with a sickening thud.

Umberto spun toward Hothar. “Is that threatening enough? Are you going to talk now?

Spit flew from his mouth as he began striding toward the still-meditative druid.

Carrie’s wings stopped mid-beat — she dropped to the ground in stunned silence.
Trunch’s mouth fell open.
Oh gods,” Din cried, rushing to the old woman’s side, his hands already glowing with healing light.
Yak dropped the daisy chain he’d been weaving and stepped between Umberto and Hothar.

Ah—little help, guys? Shit. Help,” Yak called out, struggling to hold the fuming Umberto back.

Hey, guys,” Day said calmly, beckoning. No one listened.

Hothar didn’t flinch. Didn’t even blink.

If you leave a kettle boilin’ too long without watchin’ it,” he said slowly, “it’ll burn down your house.

Din propped the groaning woman back up against the rock, pressing a healing potion into her hand before turning — eyes blazing — and striding through the flowers.

He hit Umberto in the face with a full gauntlet swing.

What the fuck, Umberto!” Din roared. “A defenseless old woman?

Hey, guys,” Day said again, louder this time.

I need answers,” Umberto snarled, holding his jaw. “Not fucking riddles!

You need to walk away,” Din growled, pointing back toward the injured woman. “And you need to be ashamed.

Guys!” Day called. He and Wikis were both staring at Hothar. “Watch.

He pointed toward the ground beside the lanky firbolg.

Between the aftershock of Umberto’s outburst and the thick air of held-in fury, it took us a moment to follow his gaze. But then we saw it.

Hothar, still seated, still puffing gently on his pipe, had been running his long fingers through the wildflowers around him. Not idly — reverently. Stroking the stalks of some, gently patting the heads of others. A kind of absent-minded affection in every motion.

But when his hand neared a cluster of dandelions, it twitched. Recoiled slightly. And carefully avoided them altogether.

Wikis noticed it,” Day said as she stepped across to Umberto “He’s been avoiding touching the the whole time.” Wikis whispered something to Umberto and they both stepped away, he seemed to sag as he so. Day continued. “I think there’s something locked away in there,” he said pointing to Hothar’s head. 

Din returned to the old woman’s side, speaking softly as he helped her back onto her rock seat. His voice was low, steady — a quiet reassurance as he guided her into place and checked the bump on her head.

The rest of us remained still, watching Hothar.

He continued to weave his long fingers through the grass and wildflowers, each movement slow and thoughtful. His hand skimmed over bluebells, traced along buttercup stems — but every time it neared a dandelion, it paused, shifted, and moved around it. Not fearfully, but with quiet, deliberate avoidance.

Something about it felt… intentional.

Umberto and Wikis returned in silence, each cradling an armful of dandelions plucked from the edges of the Dell. The wildflowers swayed slightly in their arms as they approached. Even with Hothar seated cross-legged in the grass, the two stood nearly eye-level with him.

Umberto didn’t look at any of us. Not Day. Not Din. Not even Carrie, who stepped forward as if to speak but was halted by a gentle hand from Trunch. She stopped, frowning, wings twitching in confusion.

Wikis turned to Umberto. Her voice was quiet but certain.

I think… this is how we’ll get answers.

She gave a small nod.

Together, without another word, they lifted their dandelions and blew.

A cascade of white tufts burst into the air, drifting gently forward—soft and silent, like tiny parachutes. The seeds danced between them before settling across Hothar’s face.

He blinked.

A single twitch flickered through his cheek.

Then his eyes snapped wide. The pupils dilated instantly—huge and dark—and for a moment it looked like he’d forgotten how to breathe.

He inhaled sharply, as though the air had just returned to him after years underwater.

Then he exhaled. A long, shuddering release of breath.

Adina,” he whispered.

His voice cracked.

I’m sorry.

And then he wept.


Everything Is Under Control

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter XXIII


And so it was that I found myself, once again, alongside this dysfunctional yet inexplicably effective group of misfits who called themselves ‘The Damaged Buttholes.’

Each of us may be damaged,” Wikis had once said, “but at least we’re whole. For the most part.

For the briefest of moments, I’d managed to slip the net—found a sliver of peace, a breath of quiet, a return to the predictable safety of scrolls and silence. I told myself I needed space. Clarity. Distance from the fireballs, the undead cats, the barroom interrogations.

Tufulla, apparently, disagreed.

It was subtle. Infuriatingly so.
A gentle nudge here. A quiet suggestion there. And now here I was inking my quill, packing my satchel, and preparing once again to risk my life so the chaos could be… documented. Properly.

Was I also damaged? Undeniably. I suspected the emotional toll of the past few days would take years to unpack.
But I had to admit — I was still, for the most part, whole.

And more than that, perhaps – I was wanted.

I’d begun to suspect that Tufulla was playing a much grander, more complicated game than he let on. That we were pieces, and he was moving us about the board with purpose. Not malice. No, never malice. But precision. Intent. As if he saw threads connecting events we hadn’t even noticed, and was quietly tying knots we’d only feel once we tripped over them.

Of course, there was the prophecy.
Tufulla believed in it. Truly, deeply. And if he believed it could be steered toward a better ending, he would do whatever it took to adjust the sails.
Even if that meant tugging the chronicler back into the storm.

It had barely been twenty-four hours since I’d stepped away. Now I was lacing my boots again.

I wasn’t sure I was ready for what was coming.
I was absolutely sure they weren’t. But for the first time, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I was a part of something world-changing.

It wasn’t formal. Nothing ever was with them. But the moment I sat back down at the table, inkwell open and quill in hand, Yak reached beneath the bar, retrieved a dust-covered bottle of Goblin’s Nut, and began to pour.

A toast,” he said, raising a shot glass. “To the return of our chronicler. May he tell the story right.

The group raised their glasses. Even Bones, curled by the hearth, let out a faint skeletal rattle that may have been celebratory. Or indigestion. Hard to tell with undead cats. I looked down at the full mug of ale Umberto had just given me.

To Klept,” Carrie smiled.

To correctly documented chaos,” Trunch added with a wink.

And then Umberto leaned forward and looked at me with something bordering on sincerity.

Every story needs a witness, Klept. And every witness needs the courage to capture truth, even when it’s veiled in chaos.

I blinked. “That was… unexpectedly eloquent.

He shrugged. “I’ve read. A lot.

I stared at him.

Just, make sure you do this story justice,” he added, leaning back on his chair and raising his glass, “especially when it comes to the complicated but brooding leading man of the tale.

Which would be you?

Obviously.

We drank.

Yak smacked his lips and studied the bottle’s label like it had personally offended him. “That was bottle six. I’ve got half a one stashed under the counter, but that’s it. I’ll need supplies if we want more.” He rubbed his chin. “Also… I’ve got an idea. Something smoother. Or fizzier. Possibly both.

Day, ever the multitasker, had already relocated to a corner table. He didn’t say much, just gave me a small nod of welcome and returned to his spellbook, lips moving, fingers sketching silent runes into the air.

Din stood and stretched, the joints in his shoulders cracking like splintering wood. He stepped behind the bar, opened the cupboard, and cautiously lifted the lid of the egg box.

No change,” he muttered. “Still pulsing slowly.

I chose not to ask.

He let the lid fall shut and turned to us. “Right. We need supplies. Potions, mostly. And prep time. Meet back here in two hours?

There was a chorus of nodding heads.

What about you?” I asked.

I’ve got an idea,” he said, eyes gleaming in a way that made me nervous.

Trunch rose, brushed crumbs from his sleeves, and adjusted his cuffs. “I’m going to speak to someone about the windows. And maybe a carpenter. Some of the stools have… suffered.

Din nodded and pulled out a couple of small pouches of coin from the shelf next to the egg box. He threw one gentle to Trunch.

Yak grabbed a few coins, muttered something about fruit peels and experimental fermentation, and ducked out the front door with an alarming amount of enthusiasm.

And just like that, the Grin emptied.

Everyone gone, except Day, hunched in the corner, surrounded by parchment, whispers, and quiet sparks of light.

I watched him work for a moment, then turned and followed the others out the door.


We’d just picked up the last of Yun’s potion stock and were making our way back to the Grin when Umberto stopped dead in his tracks and sniffed the air like a bloodhound on the scent.

She’s here,” he whispered.

Who?” Wikis asked, already reaching for her weapons. “Naida?

No.” His eyes scanned the square, wild and searching. “Barbara. She’s -” He pointed suddenly. “Over there!

And sure enough, across the bustling square, Barbara Dongswallower stood in conversation with a tall, cloaked figure. We couldn’t make out their face, hood pulled low, posture deliberately unmemorable, but Barbara was unmistakable. The hair, the poise, the faint, distant glamour of someone who’d never once been singed by an ill-timed fireball.

Barbara! Over here! It’s me! It’s Umberto!” he shouted, sprinting toward them. But the square was loud – crowded with market stalls, musicians, and hagglers. His voice barely rose above the din.

Barbara nodded. Her companion leaned in. They both turned and began walking briskly away, ducking down a narrow alley and disappearing from view.

Umberto returned a few minutes later, winded and visibly distraught.

I lost her,” he said. “They turned a corner and just… vanished.

Probably ducked into a shop,” Carrie offered with a smirk. “To get away from the crazed fan chasing her.

I am not a crazed fan,” Umberto growled. “We have a connection. A real one. She gave me this.

He reached into his loincloth. There was a collective recoil.

From within, he pulled a folded piece of parchment; creased, worn, and suspiciously damp at one corner.

She gave this to me personally,” he said, reverently. Then, without warning, he brought it to his nose and inhaled deeply.

We all recoiled again.

He shuddered. Eyes closed. A moment of pure, unsettling bliss.

You wouldn’t understand.” He murmured.

That is definitely true.” Wikis replied through gritted teeth. She suddenly spun on her heel and loosed an arrow in one fluid motion.

Thunk.

A startled squawk echoed through the square as a bird—small, black, and previously unremarkable—crumpled dramatically onto a vendor’s stall, scattering bundles of dried herbs and startling a nearby child.

Umberto snapped out of his reverie. Everyone froze.

Wikis didn’t blink. She looked up, unfazed, as the rest of us stood slack-jawed.

What?” she muttered. “It’s been following me all morning.

Then she went right back to scanning the rooftops.

The silence that followed was long and deeply concerned.

We began walking back toward the Grin. As we passed the stall, Wikis casually retrieved her arrow, bird still attached.

Are you gonna be wantin’ that?” the vendor asked, peering at the feathered corpse. “There’s decent eating on a bird like that.

Wikis yanked the arrow free with a wet shluck. “Ten silver,” she said flatly.

The woman narrowed her eyes.

What? You know it’s fresh,” Wikis replied, holding the bird up as if demonstrating quality produce.

With a weary sigh, the vendor reached into her apron and dropped the coin into Wikis’ outstretched palm. Wikis tossed the bird back onto the pile of dried herbs and practically skipped away. 

I leaned toward Carrie. “I think we’re all going to die,” I whispered. 

Without looking at me, she flicked a hand in my direction. “You’re always so dramatic,” she said, then gave the vendor a polite curtsy as we passed.


We returned to the Grin to find Day helping Trunch unload a cart piled with basic, serviceable furniture. Nothing fancy. Half of it looked like it might snap itself to pieces at the faintest whiff of a bar brawl, but it would do.

Din stood nearby, calmly breaking the remains of shattered chairs and splintered tables into smaller pieces with his hammer. “Should be perfect for the hearth when it starts getting colder,” he smiled.

Yak was flitting between the bar and the kitchen, a blur of purposeful chaos. He moved like a man in the middle of a deeply personal ritual – one part alchemist, one part bartender, all mischief. Bottles of Smelt and other dubious spirits were lined up on the counter like a parade of willing victims. Into them, he dropped dried fruits, crushed herbs, slivers of bark, whole spices, and the occasional mystery root pulled from somewhere deep in his apron.

Every now and then, he’d pause, sniff a bottle, mutter something unintelligible, then either nod with satisfaction or dump the entire contents into a waiting bucket with a disgusted noise.

He scribbled frantically on the bottles with chalk, charcoal, and bits of parchment stuck on with wax. Some labels bore cryptic names like “Goblin’s Whimsy” or “Sapfire No. 3.” Others just had question marks or ominous warnings like not for breakfast.

One bottle was gently swirling on its own. I didn’t ask.

The glazier’s coming by tomorrow,” Trunch announced, carrying a couple of stools through the door. He gestured to the jagged remnants of the front windows—the scars of the molotov attack. “Funnily enough, he has a stockpile of panes that are the perfect size. Said the previous owner of the Grin was a frequent customer.

Umberto and Wikis each scooped up an armful of the more interestingly-shaped debris from Din’s growing pile; splintered legs, half-seat planks, a chunk that vaguely resembled a snarling goose, and carried it over to the hearth.

They stacked the pieces haphazardly beneath the stairs, just out of the way but close enough for firewood duty. The moment they stepped back, Bones leapt onto the pile with the bony enthusiasm of a cat rediscovering a childhood haunt.

He clacked and scrambled up the mess like it was a jungle gym built in his honor, his tail rattling as he perched atop the apex and began swatting at a hanging splinter like it owed him money.

Wikis folded her arms, watching with mild satisfaction. “Well. He approves.

The last of the furniture was being shuffled into place. Chairs creaked reluctantly into position, and Carrie stood in the center of it all, hands on hips, directing like a general with a passion for rustic ambiance.

That one by the window,” she called to Trunch. “And the round one near the hearth. No, rotate it. Perfect.

She moved from table to table, placing candles inside old jars, adding what little charm she could with what they had. A few tables remained bare, just empty jars waiting for purpose.

We’ll need more candles,” she murmured. “Or fewer tables.

I reached into my satchel and pulled out a small bundle. “I picked these up this morning,” I said, offering them out. “I’d intended to replace the ones at the church altar. They are scented – I hope you don’t mind sandalwood.

Carrie blinked, then beamed. “Klept. You’re a delight.” Before I could protest or deflect, she wrapped her arms around me in a brief, warm hug. “Thank you.


There was a low, familiar rumble as Din emerged from the cellar, rolling a fresh keg across the floor.

Are we through the current one already?” Umberto asked, surprised but also just a little proud.

No,” Din replied, steering the keg toward the door. “This is for… something else.

Yak, now lounging with his feet on the table near the hearth, looked up from the last of his cocktail scribbles. “Where are you taking it?

Din paused, resting an arm atop the keg. “Well, we’re about to head out and find the people on this list.

If we can,” Carrie muttered, not quite under her breath.

You want to take a whole keg with us?” Umberto’s eye grew wide with joy. “I mean , I love the idea – but who’s going to carry it?

Din’s thought cracked for a moment and there was a quick, contemplative smile. “Oh I wish,” he said quietly, then. “We have to leave, but clearly, we can’t leave the Grin unmanned.” He gestured broadly to the broken windows and the scorch marks still clinging to the floorboards. 

Trunch was solving a puzzle internally. “So, you’re buying off some of the city guard, with ale, to keep watch,” he asked “In case Thornstar’s goons show up again?.

Or Naida.” Day added, “She could come back.

Din gave a sly smirk. “Something like that, yeah.

There was the unmistakable snap of a blind being hastily drawn somewhere outside, followed by the heavy thump of approaching footsteps.

A shadow passed the broken window. A single figure filled the doorway, so tall we could only see a broad chest and the suggestion of shoulders before he stooped to enter.

Az. The massive orc from the fight for the Grin.

He stepped across the threshold, ducking his head and straightening to his full, formidable height. The floorboards groaned under his weight.

Everyone instinctively took a step back.

Umberto unclipped his axe.

Az grinned as he scanned the room. He locked eyes with Umberto, gave a slow nod, and said something guttural and sharp-edged.

Umberto relaxed his grip and replied in kind, just as rough, just as guttural.

I blinked.

Az’s chest shook with deep, silent laughter before he turned to face the rest of us. “I like him,” he said simply. “He’s funny.” Then to Din: “You said you had an offer of work?” His voice was gravel and thunder, but there was an earnestness to it, like he was genuinely curious to hear more.

Sorry,” I blurted, holding up a hand. “Just. sorry, hold on. Umberto, speaks Orcish?

Umberto shot me a look. “What? You don’t?
Then he turned back to Az, muttered something in that same guttural tongue, and jerked a thumb in my direction.

Az roared with laughter, loud and echoing.

I narrowed my eyes. “What did he say?

Nothing to worry about,” Az rumbled, clearly still amused. He turned his attention back to Din. “The work?

I kept glaring at Umberto. He just smiled.

I – we – would like to hire you as security for our bar,” Din said. “We’ve had a few issues lately. One of them involves your former employer. Mr. Thornstar.

Az’s face wrinkled like he’d caught a whiff of spoiled milk.

Five gold a day,” Din offered, rapping his knuckles on the keg beside him, “and your own personal keg of ale. Replaced every other day.

Trunch smiled faintly, eyes half-closed, and added, “Free meals included. When the kitchen’s ready.

Az said nothing at first. His eyes moved from face to face, then around the interior of the Grin. The bloodstains. The scorch marks. The boarded windows.

Then his gaze slid upward.

They hadn’t taken it down.

The mural. The Damaged Buttholes in their moment of victory. Umberto standing atop Az’s unconscious body like a conquering hero. Carrie, mid-bagpipe-blast to the face. Yak, gleefully bongoing the orc’s rear. Din, calm and divine. Wikis, torch-like. Trunch, shadow-wreathed. Day, radiant and detached at the edge.

Az’s brow rose.

A single question, simple and heavy: “Is that… me?

A roomful of hesitant nods answered.

He stepped forward for a better look. The room held its breath. We waited for the flare of anger. The insult. The punch.

He studied it.

And then he laughed.

A deep, belly-shaking roar that filled the tavern and knocked dust from the rafters.

You hung that above the bar?” he asked, eyes still on the mural.

We nodded, cautiously.

That,” he said, jabbing a thick finger at Yak’s triumphant drumming, “is hilarious.

Another round of laughter. A slap to his thigh. We all exhaled.

You honor me by hanging this,” he said.

We glanced at each other, mildly confused.

I’ll do it.

A round of drinks welcomed Az into the fold. The group explained how they were about to go in search of some people that were in danger. Az guaranteed the safety of their establishment. He picked up the keg as if it were a baby and gently placed it outside, next to the door and sat on it, as if he were riding a horse. He filled a large mug with ale and looked up and down the alley. The blind across the way opened, just a little and he smiled and waved at the unknown, faceless women behind. He blind snapped shut once again. Yak grinned.

Az,” Trunch asked, “how did you know? About Umberto. Speaking Orcish?

In the fight,” Az rumbled. “He holds his axe with the Orcish grip. He was trained by a blade master.

I was actually raised by Orcs,” Umberto said, casually. “Found abandoned in a mine.

My brain broke.

Huh,” Yak shrugged, taking a swig like it explained the weather.

Trunch and Day exchanged a glance.

Wikis leaned toward Carrie and said, just a little too loudly, “That actually explains a lot.

Carrie nodded, completely serious. “So much.


The group continued to prep for their next venture into the unknown.

We’ll have to wait until we come back to open,” Carrie sighed, eyeing the freshly placed furniture with reluctant fondness.
At least we know the place’ll be secure,” Yak said, twirling a dagger between his fingers and nodding toward Az, still perched proudly atop his keg outside.

For a moment, Umberto frowned—deep in thought, like he was working out the weight of the world. Then, with sudden clarity, he dropped his pack and marched outside.

Why wait?” he muttered.

He cupped a hand to the alley. “Yo. Kid? I know you’re there.

Sure enough, Iestyn emerged from the shadows like he’d been waiting for his cue.

Hello, Mr. Umberto, sir,” he said smoothly. “I see you’ve found time for clothes today.

No time for sass,” Umberto barked, then softened. “Look. I know Tufulla pays you to keep an eye on us.” Iestyn nodded.

And I know you handled that… situation.” He waved vaguely, like brushing away a smudge on a window. “Wanna earn more coin?

Before Iestyn could reply, Umberto clapped him on the shoulder and steered him inside, straight behind the bar.

Yak. Come here a sec.

Together, they showed Iestyn how to work the keg—pull the handle, tilt the mug, no foam overspill, no half-pours.

Carrie stared, scandalized. “You can’t leave a kid to manage the bar.

What? We know he’s capable,” Umberto said, jerking a thumb toward the open door. “Ain’t nobody messing with this kid. Not with that out there.” He nodded to Az, still outside, sipping contentedly from his tankard.

Then he tousled Iestyn’s hair. “You’ll be fine, kid. Remember: ale only.

Yak pointed at the row of experimental bottles behind the bar. “The other stuff isn’t ready yet. Don’t even sniff them.

Iestyn saluted with mock solemnity. “Understood. Ale only. No sniffing.

Carrie groaned. “He’s just a kid,” she muttered as she fluttered past Day.

A kid who made a decapitated body in an alley go away without blinking,” Day replied. “I think he’ll manage.

I watched as Umberto trained a child to run a tavern. As Yak carefully rearranged his concoctions and muttered dark warnings about untested fermentation ratios. As Carrie lit candles in old jars and tried not to hover. As Az, a massive orc they had previously knocked unconscious, lounged outside with a smile on his face and a keg beneath him like a throne.

It was absurd. It was comforting.

Din appeared beside me, polishing a gauntlet. We stood in companionable silence for a moment, watching Iestyn mimic Yak’s exaggerated hand gestures behind the bar.

You’re okay with this?” I asked.

He put the gauntlet on and flexed his fingers. “Honestly, I was going to do the same thing,” He said. “I think he’ll be fine. Plus, Az.” He gestured to the door.

Mm. Right.” I nodded slowly. “A child tavern manager and an overly large orc with a personal keg. What could possibly go wrong?

Umberto leaned over the bar and jabbed a finger toward the tap. “Four copper a mug. No more, no less. Payment goes in the box under the counter – not in your pockets, no matter how trustworthy your face looks.

Iestyn nodded solemnly.

If the keg runs dry,” Yak added, sliding a coaster under a mug, “ask Az to fetch another from the cellar. Don’t go down there yourself. Not unless you like the smell of damp and regret.

Got it,” Iestyn said brightly. “Ale only. Four copper. No regret.

Kid’s got promise,” Umberto muttered.

Din chuckled as we walked toward the bar. He crouched behind it, checking the cupboard near the coin stash. With a flick of his hand and a low incantation, a faint shimmer passed over the severed head of Dominic—still resting disturbingly close to the egg box.

Decay prevention spell,” he muttered, more to himself than anyone else. “Last thing we need is that starting to stink.

He grabbed a cloth, tossed it over the head like he was covering a particularly offensive casserole, and nudged it farther into the back of the cupboard.

Right,” he said, straightening up and turning to Iestyn. “Listen. Most of the upstairs is off-limits. Patrons can use the  just at the top of the stairs, but everything else is still under construction.

Iestyn nodded with careful seriousness.

Also, whatever you do, don’t open that.” Din gestured to the metallic box holding the egg.

Iestyn nodded again, eyes wide with curiosity.

If it makes a noise, or moves, or does anything weird… just throw it down the well out back.

Iestyn’s eyes changed from curiosity to fear. He  opened his mouth to say something. Then paused. Din patted him on the shoulder. “It’ll be fine,” he said reassuringly. Iestyn nodded again, faster this time.

Din and I walked back across the room.

…You know. To be honest, I think I missed this,” I admitted. “The way none of you ever seem to question what you’re doing, or whether you belong together.

Do we?” Din asked.

I glanced at the mural above the bar, at the cracked windows, the scuffed floors, the uneven stools, the wax-dripping candles.

At Yak and Umberto, teaching Iestyn how to properly wipe the taps with a clean cloth.

At Wikis, who had emptied her pouch onto a corner table and was now whispering to each of her trinkets, one after the other. At Trunch who was fast asleep and snoring on an armchair near the hearth.

Yes,” I said softly. “I think so.

Din nodded. “Then write it well.

I’ll try,” I said. “Um… and I’m sorry. About your people. The Sparkwhiskers.” I saw the sadness and uncertainty flicker in his eyes. “I hope you find some answers soon.

He placed a hand on my shoulder. “Thank you. I hope you’re there when I do. To write it. So others will know.

We both looked over to see Yak experimenting with a jar labeled Smoked Lime Rum with Pickle Clove Brine.

I gripped my journal a little tighter.

Final preparations were made. Potions clipped to belts, sleeping mats tied to packs. Last instructions were given to Az and Iestyn, and then we stepped out the door, bound for the Kashten Dell, the very place where all this had begun during the harvest festival, just a few weeks ago.

We stopped at a C.A.R.T. stand, then made our way through the North-East gate.

Leaving behind a twelve-year-old to manage a barely functioning tavern. Guarded by a very large orc. While a master assassin likely still skulked through the alleys of Dawnsheart… and a second lurked somewhere out in the valley.

Everything, as always, was clearly under perfect control.

Retelling, Recollection, Reconnection

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter XXII


We sat around the Grin’s largest table. A circular, ale-stained thing with a permanent lean and the quiet dignity of something long resigned to its fate. Evidence of the recent scuffle still lingered in every corner.

They’d intended to open the tavern to the public once we got back from the stump investigation. That had been the plan. Return from the forest, wash the mud from their boots, share tales of stump-based bravery, and welcome in the people of Dawnsheart to a tavern reborn; refurbished, respectable, rustic charm with only minor structural instability.

Instead…

Broken furniture was piled on the stage in what could generously be called an artistic statement. Several windows had been reduced to jagged memories of themselves by the enthusiastic delivery of flaming cocktails. Scorch marks tattooed the floor and a few tables. Bloodstains dotted the room like unsettling punctuation. I tried not to look too closely at the one near my foot. Some of the chairs bore fresh blade marks. One of the beams near the stage had splintered from a poorly aimed spell – or possibly a very well-aimed one.

There had been attempts to clean, of course. Wikis had swept. Carrie had stitched a curtain. Yak had gathered the larger shards of broken glass and set them aside, apparently with plans to make a sculpture. Or a weapon. Possibly both.

Day had tried to polish the bar, but some stains had sunk too deep, etched into the wood like memories that refused to fade.

The place still smelled of smoke, sweat, and scorched furniture.

It looked worse.

Din sat in contemplative silence, cradling his mug of ale like it held the last warm thought in the world. Umberto was sitting on his chair backwards, humming a tune with no identifiable melody. He cracked his neck, rolled his shoulders, and popped his knuckles one by one with slow, deliberate menace. Carrie was quiet – unusually so, staring out through one of the broken windows as if willing it back into place.

Day sat rigid, arms crossed over his chest, a locked vault of thought. Yak leaned back in his chair, feet up on a nearby stool, balancing with the kind of reckless ease that made furniture nervous. Trunch’s brow was furrowed, eyes closed, head drooped forward – possibly meditating, possibly napping, possibly communing with something best left unnamed.

Wikis crouched on her stool like a cat preparing to leap. Her eyes flicked constantly around the room: the broken windows, the scorch marks, the shadows beneath the bar. Surveying the damage. Or looking for enemies hiding in unwatched spaces.

I sat with my quill poised, the page open before me. 

Alright,” I said, glancing around the table. “Let me see if I’ve got this right. Jonath, the man we brought back from the forest and you proceeded to do body shots off on the bar, wasn’t actually Jonath?

Yak raised a thumb. Day gave a quiet nod.

He woke up and started attacking Tufulla.

Another finger from Yak. Carrie joined Day in nodding.

You fought him, while someone was hiding upstairs.

Not hiding,” Wikis snapped, eyes locking onto mine. “She arrived,” She spoke through gritted teeth, “In the middle of the fight.”

Right. Yes. We’ll circle back to that.” I made a quick edit to my notes. No one said anything.

Tufulla banished him. And you knocked her out and tied her up in the kitchen?” I glanced across the room toward the small archway that led to what could generously be called a kitchen.

Another finger. More nods.

Someone tried to set the place on fire.

Nods from Carrie and Day. A growl from Umberto. A scowl from Din. Yak raised another finger.

He came back. Escaped into the alley. You caught him. Defeated him. Removed his head. Brought it back here.

Sounds about right,” Day nodded. A low murmur of approval followed. More nodding heads. More fingers.

Umberto was naked,” Carrie blurted, as if that were the part I might’ve missed. I glanced his way. He was clothed again, mercifully. Turns out he owns more than one loincloth.

I cleared my throat gently.

So…Tufulla?”

Din set his mug down and spoke calmly. “Tufulla poured himself a drink and sat by the hearth.” He nodded toward one of the armchairs. “Bones took a liking to him. Tufulla didn’t seem fussed, either didn’t mind the skeleton cat, or was too tired to notice.

He just sat there,” Carrie said, already struggling to hold it in, “sipping a Goblin’s Nut.” That broke her. She doubled over laughing. Yak slapped his knee. Even Din cracked a smile. Out of respect for Tufulla, I tried very hard not to laugh. I don’t think I did very well.

He said he just needed to think,” Day added, trying to bring the tone back down. “Said it twice, actually. Once to us, once to the cat.

 I briefly ran my eyes over my notes as the ink began to dry. “So Tufulla was safe. Let’s get back to the woman in the kitchen.” I returned my quill to the parchment.

Trunch didn’t open his eyes. Didn’t lift his head. “Unconscious. Tied up,” he said, like someone reading off a grocery list.

Din exhaled loudly. “We needed answers. I could’ve gotten some from the head, but I lacked a few necessary items. So we tried to see what she could give us.

I read her mind while she was unconscious,” Carrie said, far too casually.

You can do that?” I asked, with much more terrified realization than I’d intended.

Of course.” She looked at me and softened her expression. “Oh, don’t worry, I wouldn’t do it to you.

Really?

Of course,” she said sweetly. “You don’t have anything interesting I want to know about.

I opened my mouth to argue, then closed it again.

She wasn’t wrong.

Most of what lived in my head was ink and trivia; half-remembered footnotes, obscure local laws, and the lyrics to a children’s rhyme about an eel who wanted to be a frog. Still, the idea that someone could just… look inside without asking, that left a chill. Not from Carrie, necessarily. But from the knowledge that someone else might. I made a mental note to start thinking in code. Then immediately forgot what the code was.

So you read her mind while she was unconscious?

Wikis chimed in from her perch on the stool. “She made that weird face she makes when she’s concentrating. You know, like she’s trying to sneeze without opening her mouth.

I do not do that,” Carrie muttered.

You kind of do,” Day said, not looking up from his ale.

Din interjected, stoic. Firm. “She found out a fair bit. Found out her name was Naida, that she had a list of targets, and that she had come looking for someone she was working with. Dominic.

And Dominic is …” I started.

Jonath,” Carrie said. “Or rather, the man pretending to be Jonath.

Not Jonath” Yak mumbled through a mouthful of what I assumed was something pastry based, “Dominic is Not Jonath.

Exactly,” Carrie said. “And the woman came here using a pendant that was supposed to land her within a hundred feet of him.

So why didn’t she find him?” I asked.

Oh she did,” Umberto said after swallowing a large mouthful of ale. “Upstairs. When we were fighting downstairs.

She arrived in the tavern,” Wikis said, eyes sparkling with mischief. “He was in the main room below. We were fighting him when she arrived upstairs. She just didn’t know it.

Because,” Carrie said, leaning toward me, “Just as she was getting her bearings, you know, what with the disorientation of instant teleportation, Tufulla banished Dominic. Poof. Gone. Sent to a harmless pocket dimension filled with probably moss and echoes.

And Carrie,” Umberto cut in proudly, “Pushed her down the stairs and knocked her out. Very efficiently, I might add,” He gave Carrie a high five.

Yak smiled. “She never saw him.” He spread his hands with the quiet satisfaction of a street magician who’d just made a coin vanish. Again.

Day cut in. “She arrived near him exactly as they had planned, but she missed him. Not because the spell failed, but because our timing was, for once, accidentally perfect.

Then we chucked her in the kitchen,” Umberto added.

And then Dominic came back,” Wikis finished.

I blinked at all of them.

So she was never more than what, forty feet from him the whole time?” I asked.

Carrie nodded. “And she never laid eyes on him.

That’s…” I flipped a few pages forward and wrote the word tragic in oversized letters. Then I added also hilarious.Amazing. You got all that from reading her unconscious mind?”

No,” Carrie huffed. “I got more than that.

More?

Carrie leaned back again, “There were three of them. Her, Dominic –

Not Jonath,” Yak added helpfully. 

Carrie rolled her eyes and kept going. “—and someone named Erik.

We don’t know who that is. Or where they are,” Trunch cut in, his tone edged with concern. He finally opened his eyes and lifted his head, “But they had a list of targets that included Tufulla among others.”

Which is why we had to act quickly,” Day said, now behind the bar pouring himself another drink. “We knew we needed more information, so we came up with a quick plan to get some.”

I may have let out an audible groan, or perhaps just made a particularly expressive face. Either way, they all looked at me accusingly.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust them. Well, no, that’s exactly what it was. I didn’t trust them. Not when it came to plans made in less time than it takes to boil an egg. I’d seen what “quick” meant to this group. It meant shouting. Improvisation. Fire. Sometimes literal fire. It meant vague hand gestures followed by combat, then arguments about who was technically in charge of what.

And yet, somehow, it also meant results.

Which, frankly, made it worse.

Sorry,” I said aloud, regaining some composure. “Please, do go on. I’m sure this ‘quick plan’ was… extremely reasonable.

In hindsight, it wasn’t,” Day reflected. “But it was effective. In its own special way.

It was a solid plan,” Umberto cut in. “A bit too convoluted and theatrical for my liking—

It was better than your idea of torturing her for information,” Carrie snapped, her voice rising with indignation.

You say torture, I say bargaining,” Umberto barked back.

You suggested we cut off her fingers if she didn’t talk.” Carrie was now hovering in the air, inches from Umberto’s face.

Yeah,” he spat. “And we would’ve told her that, maybe taken one as an example first. A pinky’s usually a good choice. Then let her know she could keep the rest if she gave up the information. Bargaining.

Wikis leaned between the two of them and locked eyes with me. “We quickly went with a different plan,” she said calmly.

Carrie dropped back into her chair, arms crossed. Umberto grunted and reached for a loaf of bread.

I made myself look like Dominic,” Yak said, sitting up straighter and looking more serious than I’d ever seen him. “I went in, woke her up, and tried to get information from her through a series of questions.

I blinked, tilting my head. “That’s… actually quite logical, when I think about it.

Yeah,” Din nodded. “It actually worked better than we thought it would.” He sounded almost proud. “For a while.”

Yak beamed and clutched his side. “I was really clever about it,” he said, sitting up even straighter. “I woke her gently, acting like I was worried. She asked me to untie her. I told her I couldn’t. Said they were still there.

He switched into a bit of a performance, clearly relishing the memory. “She asked what was going on, so I told her they thought I was their friend—the one who came through the portal. I even made myself look like Jonath for a moment, then switched back to Dominic.

She asked why she was tied up. I said she’d tripped and fallen down the stairs. While they were out on an errand. I heard them coming back, so I tied her up and stashed her in the kitchen—for her own safety. Told her I didn’t want them to hurt her.

I blinked again. This was… a lot.

She asked who ‘they’ were,” Yak continued, “so I said I didn’t know—just a group who owned the tavern. Angry and prone to attack people before asking questions.” Day gave a resigned shrugging nod as if to say that was a fairly accurate description. “ I said they were friends with the guy who came through the portal. I told her that when I arrived, I made them think someone was after me. Said I ‘passed out’, and they brought me here.

He was clearly proud now, hands moving with the story. “When she asked what was going to happen next, I said they were going to get Tufulla. Figured that was a good out, that once they left, I could sneak her out.

That’s when she got excited. Said if Tufulla was coming, we could take him out get one off the list. Then hit Yun. We could be two down before Erik had even found one of the others.

So I told her to stay quiet,” Yak said. “Said they were coming, and I’d come back when it was safe. Then I grabbed a sack of apples off the shelf, walked out like nothing happened, and said—
He sat up even straighter and declared with theatrical volume, “I found the apples!”

There was a beat of silence.

Then I quietly let the group know that Tufulla was a target, along with someone called Yun.” he finished.

Yak sat back, clearly pleased with himself. 

Carrie beamed proudly and added. “So that’s when we told Tufulla he had to hide.

I frowned. “Hide? Why would Tufulla need to –

If Dominic can disguise himself as Jonath,” Day said carefully, “then Erik could be anyone.

 “Anyone close to Tufulla,” Trunch added.

 “Someone trusted,” Carrie nodded.

Someone like…” Din glanced at me.

Me?” I said, blinking. “You think I could be – ?

No,” Din said evenly. “We think Erik could be.

Disguised as me?

I watched as Umberto’s fingers curled around the handle of this axe, his eyes never leaving me. 

Exactly,” Wikis said, narrowing her eyes and leaning in across the table. “In fact… how do we know you’re really you?

Yak placed a dagger on the table with a not-so-subtle flourish.

I let out a nervous laugh. “Because I am me.

That’s exactly what Erik would say,” she whispered, dead serious.

My eyes darted from face to face. “Surely someone can confirm

When we were in Nelb,” Yak said slowly, fingers tapping the dagger’s hilt, “what colour was the cabbage?

What? That’s not

Answer the question, Klept,” Trunch said, steepling his fingers which began to crackle with energy.

Green!

Aha!” Carrie pointed dramatically. “Wrong. They were purple!

They were not!” I protested. “They were green! Mostly! I wrote it down!

They held the silence for three long seconds before bursting out laughing.

Gods, your face,” Umberto wheezed, letting go of the axe.

I clutched my notebook to my chest and tried not to look wounded.

We were just making a point,” Din said, wiping his eyes. “If Erik were disguised as someone close to Tufulla, we’d need to be sure. That’s all.

You gave me an existential crisis for the sake of a point?

And we made it beautifully,” Wikis said, deadpan. “You’re welcome.

Anyway,” Yak continued, cheerfully ignoring the existential implications, “We told him Tufulla were the only ones who could keep him safe. No guards. No council. Just us.

And he believed you?” I asked, stunned.

Eventually,” Wikis said. “We convinced him to hide in a pocket dimension I conjured in the ceiling. Rope Trick.

You stuffed the High Reader of the Church of the Prophet into an invisible ceiling cupboard?

Temporarily,” Trunch clarified.

And then Din threw a severed head in after him,” Yak added.

That part was symbolic,” Din muttered.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “You do understand that Tufulla is the high Reader of the Church, yes, and that he is technically the Mayor of this city?

No one said he wasn’t,” Carrie replied, a bit too breezily. “That’s why we had to hide him well.

If you ask me,” Trunch chimed “I think he accepted the idea just so he could get some time to himself for a bit.

Anyway,” Yak waved a hand dismissively, “after that, I went back into the kitchen as Dominic. Carrie turned herself invisible and followed me in. The rest of them headed to the square to keep watch on Yun’s shop.

Yun?” I asked. “Runs the Mortar and Pestle, the herbalist?

Another name on this list, apparently” Carrie’s voice was quiet now, remembering. “Yak convinced Naida, the woman, that it would better to take out Tufulla later. There’d be too many people around when he came back with us and they might not make it out alive. But Yun, she’d be vulnerable, now.

So you let her go?

Followed her,” Wikis clarified, emerging from the shadow of a memory. “We needed to know where she’d go. Yak went with her, disguised as Dominic.

But first,” Yak grinned, “I got her to give me her medallion.” He pulled it from his robe and threw it on the table.

How?

He gestured around the table. “Told her the group had taken mine when I passed out. Said I’d use hers to return to the castle, and she could follow after using her pendant.

And she believed that?

Of course,” he beamed. “I’m very convincing.

Day set his mug down on the table. “We knew the Mortar and Pestle was on the edge of the town square. So the rest of us, except Din, headed out and got into position. The plan was to spread out, keep an eye on things, and intervene if necessary.”

He glanced at Umberto. “At least, that was the initial plan.

I turned toward Din, but he was already answering the question I hadn’t asked.

I was angry,” he said flatly. “Umberto decapitated the best chance I’ve had in years to find out what happened to my people. So I went to the Office of Records. Thought maybe Avelyn had found something new.

There was a pause. No one challenged him.

Umberto stared at the tabletop. His jaw worked slightly, like he wanted to speak, but didn’t.

Then Yak, brushing pastry crumbs from his chest, piped up. “I waited a few minutes, then untied her and convinced her we would go for Yun.

I followed,” Carrie said simply “Invisible, of course.

So did I,” Wikis added. “From a distance. Quietly.

I leaned back in my chair, stared at my notes, then looked up again. “I’m sorry, just to recap: your plan involved shapeshifting, lying, gaslighting, divine concealment, a severed head, and trailing an assassin while invisible?

They all nodded.

And it worked?

We’re still here, aren’t we?” Umberto said, tearing a piece of bread in half with his teeth.

It dawned on me that earlier that morning, I had wandered through the market square entirely unaware that my companions were, at that very moment, punching a shapeshifter, tying up an assassin, and banishing someone to a moss-filled pocket dimension in my absence.

I was looking for ink.

Maybe a new quill, too. My current one had developed an unfortunate squeak when I wrote lowercase g’s. It was distracting.

I also needed incense for the church. The wandering crypts had finally been evicted of their kuo-toa infestation and were, once again, available for more traditional occupants.

The square had been, at the time, a gentle swirl of morning bustle. Merchants haggling. Street musicians warming up. The bread stall already surrounded. Children chasing each other between carts. Even the pigeons seemed less judgmental than usual.

For the first time in days, I felt… untethered. Free of immediate peril. Free of moral dilemmas, cryptic sigils, suspicious stumps, and undead pets with boundary issues.

It was peaceful.

It was boring.

I stood for nearly five minutes comparing parchment weights, and not a single thing caught fire. No one shouted. Nothing exploded.

I should have been relieved.

Instead, I just felt… disconnected.

I didn’t miss the danger, exactly. But I missed the voices. The noise. The feeling that, somehow, I might actually be part of something bigger than myself.

I’d told myself I needed space. That stepping away would give me clarity. Perspective. A safe distance from fireballs and crossbow bolts.

So I went back to the dorms. Back to the scrolls.

I busied myself with transcription. Copying ancient, crumbling texts onto fresh parchment. The kind of work that didn’t require decision-making or courage or charisma. Just patience. Focus. A steady hand.

Most of it was mundane. Lists of rituals, faded blessings, half-legible prayers to long-forgotten deities. Simple. Comforting.

And then, one scroll, wedged behind a binding so fragile it flaked beneath my fingers, caught my eye.

I don’t know why I read it aloud. Or why, as I read, I found myself mimicking the small, unconscious gestures I’d seen the others make – Carrie, Din, Trunch, Day.

Maybe it was just idle imitation. Maybe I was just… playing. But something sparked.

Just for a second.

A flicker of energy, dancing from my fingertips, warm and impossible and real.

I didn’t tell anyone. Not yet. But I bought ink that morning with a very specific spell in mind. And a quiet, growing hope that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t entirely useless in a fight.

I left the square just before they arrived. I remember passing a man unloading apples near Yun’s shop. He nodded politely. I nodded back.

Neither of us knew we were both about to have very interesting days.

So let me see if I’ve got this next part straight,” I said slowly, scratching a note in the margin. “You sent a pastry-dusted shapeshifting assassin”, I nodded at Yak, “with a Dan’del’ion master assassin, followed by an invisible fairy, and a wild halfling – no offense,” I added, looking pleadingly at Wikis, who just shrugged, “to the town square, while the rest of you decided to… improvise?

Technically, yeah,” Day muttered.

But, there were guards,” Yak said, leaning back. “They started tailing us as we got closer to the square, so Naida and I had to take the long way round.

Why did they start following you?” I asked.

Because we kind of forgot about the fact that she was wearing Dan’del’ion robes” Wikis cut in. “Kind of stood out.

So, you were walking around town, in the open, with an obvious threat.” I asked incredulously. 

Yeah, but we lost them through some of the alleyways,” Yak beamed.

Meanwhile,” Day added, “Umberto, Trunch and I scouted ahead.

You two scouted,” Carrie said. “Umberto intervened.

Umberto shrugged. “It was taking too long.

What exactly did you do?” I asked.

He went into Yun’s store,” Day said with the resignation of someone who finally understood the difficulty of supervising a cluster of weasels. “I followed. Just in case.

I had questions.

I had concerns,” Trunch added quietly.

What kind of questions?

Umberto grinned like a man remembering his favorite punch. “Whether they were involved with the Dan’del’ion Court.

And…?

They said they weren’t. I countered. Said they must have been, because the Court sent an assassin after them.

There was a silence.

That’s how you opened?” I asked.

With directness,” he said proudly.

And Yun’s response?

Umberto shifted slightly in his chair. “They stepped closer and I felt a little prick,” His eyes drifted downwards. He raised an eyebrow and nodded toward his loincloth. “They threatened to sever my sizable manhood with a dagger if I didn’t leave.

That’s far, all things considered.” Din muttered. “I had similar thoughts after you cut off Dominic’s head.

Yun demanded that we leave immediately.” Day added regretfully.

It was a very sharp dagger,” Umberto added thoughtfully.

I wrote “sharp dagger diplomacy” in the corner of the page, and underlined it twice.

Back outside,” Wikis continued, “Carrie and I lost track of Yak and Naida, so we… waited. In the square.

There was a sheepishness to the final words. Trunch furrowed his brow.

I set myself up at the apple stand near the Mortar and Pestle,” he said. “Made it look like I was buying produce. There was a commotion across the way, and a small crowd had started to gather.

He looked at Wikis, pointedly.

I wanted to climb the flagpole to get a better view,” she huffed. “It was slicker than I thought.

She ended up putting on a little show for a few of the market-goers,” Carrie laughed. “It looked like an interpretive dance routine.

Wikis hissed and shrank into her chair.

We finally reached the shop,” Yak said.

Just as we were being ushered out,” Day added.

We clung to the wall at the corner. Naida said I should give her a dagger. Said she’d handle it quietly.

I leaned forward, hopeful. “And you didn’t give it to her, right?

Of course I did.

I closed my notebook. “Why?

She said please. Said it was her target and she’d make ‘him’ proud.

Gods.

She put a hand on my shoulder. Looked me in the eyes. Said, ‘Thank you, brother.’ Then she stabbed me.

There was a pause.

Right in the gut. Twice.

How bad?

Bad enough that I briefly considered passing out. For dramatic effect.

He pulled his robe aside and lifted his shirt, revealing a heavily bandaged abdomen.

Still hurts if I laugh too hard.

Then she ran,” Trunch said. “I fired off an Eldritch Blast, clipped her shoulder. I wanted to make sure I didn’t hit any civilians.

I fired two arrows, but she was moving fast,” Wikis said. “One landed in the shop wall. The other hit a vegetable stand.

I tried to hit her with Sleep,” Carrie added. “Which unfortunately didn’t hit her, but did hit a fruit vendor, a cobbler, and two elderly women arguing about soup prices.

And a guard,” Day muttered.

Anyway,” Wikis cut in, “she turned, smiled, did that smug little half-curtsy thing – and vanished.

Just like that?” I asked.

Into the air,” Carrie said bitterly. “Like he did. I’m starting to hate it when they do that.

I shook my head, lightly, “But, if it was the same spell as his she couldn’t have gone far?” I looked around the table at the group. “I mean, he popped back only a few meters away, right. From inside the Grin to outside in the alley?

Probably. In all likelihood she was very nearby,” Trunch conceded, “But by then all hell had broken loose in the square. People were falling asleep on the spot, arrows were flying. People panicked.

Yun came out,” Umberto said. “Saw Yak bleeding. Gave us a look like we were the dumbest people in town, and patched him up.

They said they’d only speak to us if Tufulla was there,” Day added.

So you came back here?

Got him out of the ceiling,” Trunch confirmed. “He was meditating. Or napping.”

“Or quietly questioning all his life choices.” Din added quietly, shaking his head.

And then?

We sat and had a chat,” Carrie said. “Locked the door. We needed answers. Umberto acted as guard.

I nodded, returning to my page.

This group should not be trusted with anything sharper than a scone, I wrote in the margin.

Din sat, scanning the group in what I can only assume was a mixture of bewilderment, wonder, and regret. I joined him in wordless agreement.

They’d set a master assassin loose in the city, nearly set a public square on fire, incapacitated several civilians, and gotten one of their own stabbed. 

And somehow, in their heads, this counted as a successful reconnaissance.

Turns out,” Trunch said, leaning forward, “Yun’s more than just an herbalist.

They were part of the last group to return from Castle Ieyoch,” Yak added. “A little over a year ago.

I blinked. “You’re sure?

According to Tufulla. And Yun,” Trunch said, eyes on me. “Yun opened up once Tufulla was there. You didn’t know about this?

No,” I said. “He never said anything.” I began to wonder what else he wasn’t telling me.

Interesting,” Trunch muttered, leaning back. “Apparently, they were scouting—sent by the White Ravens to verify reports of renewed activity around the castle.

But they were captured,” Umberto snorted. “Amateurs. Got themselves tortured. For months.

There were five in the group,” Day said. “They named the others; Travok, Svaang, Hothar. A dwarf, a goblin, a firbolg. All of them are on the target list.

Along with Tufulla and Brenne,” Din added, his voice quiet.

Yak got that much out of Naida,” Carrie said. “Before the stabbing.

I did a quick bit of mental arithmetic then used my fingers to double check. “Travok, Svaang, Hothar, and Yun. That’s only four. You said there were five in the group.

Only four made it back.” Wikis said. “Yun wouldn’t speak about the one that didn’t. We only knew because Tufulla mentioned there were originally five.

I frowned. “And no one remembers who the fifth was?

Apparently not,” Trunch said. “Yun didn’t mention her. Neither did the others.

Tufulla said they’ve all got memory gaps,” Day added. “Like something’s been… scrubbed.

Which is exactly why they’re being hunted,” Carrie muttered.

Naida’s orders were clear,” Yak nodded. “Kill Yun. Dominic was sent after Tufulla. Erik went to the Briars to get Svaang. Then they’d regroup to take out Travok and Hothar together.

So the man you saw at Brenne’s house—

Could’ve been either Dominic or Erik,” Trunch said.

Tufulla guessed Brenne was on the list as a way for the Court to tie up loose ends,” Day said. “He said she’s too young to know much about her parents’ involvement with the Court—but they obviously needed to be sure. Yak probably saw them trying to find out what she knew.

So we decided to find the others,” Wikis said, her tone sharpening. “Assuming they’re still alive.

Brenne’s not that important anyway,” Umberto muttered. “I still don’t think she was completely honest with us. No loss if they get her.

Trunch shot him a look. “Tufulla’s sending a group of guards to bring her safely to Dawnsheart. Yun volunteered to go with them.

So we don’t need to worry about her,” Carrie said. “Just the others.

You want to find them?” I asked. “Why?

Knowledge,” Day replied. “Survivors of Castle Ieyoch. They’ve seen what the Court was capable of. They may know something.

I set my quill down. Raised my hands. “Hold on. If the White Ravens sent Yun’s group to scout, wouldn’t they have been debriefed when they got back?

Apparently they were,” Day said. “Yun told us they gave the Ravens everything they could remember.

Trunch took a sip of his ale. His eyes flicked to the shattered windows. His voice dropped. “Each of them had memory gaps. Foggy spots. The White Ravens kept asking about the fifth member of their group—but none of them could remember what happened to her.

You think the Court messed with their memories?” I asked. “That’s why they’re targets?

The group nodded.

The Ravens called it trauma. Collective PTSD,” Carrie whispered. “But I think something happened at that castle. Something the Dan’del’ion Court doesn’t want remembered.

I picked up my quill and started scribbling.

Okay, but what about Tufulla? Why is he on the list?

Position,” Trunch said, without hesitation. “The church. The White Ravens. Access to power and records. He’s a threat in a different way.

So what’s your plan?

We find the others,” Din said. “Warn them. Protect them.

I looked around the table. “So… you brought me here to tell me all this. In case you don’t come back?

No,” Yak grinned. 

You’re coming with us.” Day said almost tauntingly. “Tufulla told us to fill you in. Said we’d need your expertise—your knowledge of the valley and the people.

I looked up at their faces. Their infuriating, unpredictable, entirely lovable faces. Then sighed.

Of course he did. Can’t have me getting comfortable in my dorm, can we?

That’s the spirit,” Carrie said, slapping me on the back.

Welcome back, chronicler!” Umberto slid a fresh mug across the table. The ale sloshed and left a foamy puddle.

I smiled, uncapped my inkwell, and dipped my quill.

Here we go again.

Surprise!

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter XXI


There’s a peculiar phenomenon that occurs when a group recounts a shared event—particularly when they’re a few mugs deep before the telling even begins. Certain voices rise. Others drift.
Arguments flare over the inconsequential: what color someone’s socks were, whether it was raining, or who tripped over the barstool. But there’s always a shared certainty when it comes to the crucial parts: who threw the first mug, which chair was sacrificed, and the role the skeletal cat played.

So it was with this lot, as they described what happened after Jonath revealed himself to be very much… not Jonath.

As a scribe, I have spent years recording a large number of recounted events.
Some were miraculous. Others, less so.
I once documented a farmer’s sworn testimony that his barnyard animals had begun speaking fluent Dwarvish at dawn. Another time, I transcribed no fewer than seven witness accounts of a berry crop that bore the unmistakable smiling likeness of Jovian, the god of merriment and mischief.

But none of those stories involved quite so much flying furniture, secondhand bravado, or fire.

This is what happens when the man unconscious on your bar turns out not to be the man you thought he was.

He was fast,” Umberto cut in, standing and nearly toppling his chair. “Like really fast. One second he’s clapping like a smug prick, next, bam!, Tufulla’s about to get his throat rearranged.

He mimed the lunge, tipping over a stool in the process.

Furniture went flying,” Carrie added, hand to her chest like she was giving testimony at a murder trial. “I leapt over the table and threw a candleholder at him. Saved Tufulla’s life.

You tripped on the stool,” Day corrected. “The candleholder missed.

But it drew his attention away from Tufulla” Carrie retorted.

Wikis winced. “He moved like he knew where every piece of cover was. Slid behind the bar, rolled across the table, flipped a stool in Umberto’s path.

I’m not sure he was ever really unconscious” Trunch countered, “He seemed to have a pretty good understanding of each of us, and of the place. I think he’d been awake and listening.

Yak stood suddenly. “I was here,” he said, dramatically stepping onto a nearby bench. “He was there.” He pointed at nothing. “The air was thick with tension. The molotovs hadn’t even…

No molotovs yet,” Din interrupted.

Right. No fireball cocktails. But the energy was electric.” Yak leapt down, spun, mimed drawing twin daggers. “I vaulted the bar, caught the edge, swung around, landed silently behind him…

Molotov cocktails?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

Not yet” Din replied flatly

Anyway, I vaulted the bar, caught the edge, swung around, landed behind him and…

You fell on him,” Day said. 

It was a strategic and well considered attack. I keep forgetting that bar isn’t regulation height.” He looked at it with a mixture of pride and betrayal.

I raised a hand in interjection, quill poised above the page. “Did someone try and burn down the bar? Where did the molotovs…?” 

Not. Yet.” Din and Trunch chorused in unison. 

He kicked a mug into my face,” Wikis said, rubbing her nose. “My mug. I was still drinking from it.

I got him with a barstool,” Umberto said proudly, miming the swing. “Full overhead. BAM.

You shouted, ‘SURPRISE, BASTARD!’” Trunch grinned. “To be fair, the bastard was surprised.

Umberto raised his glass in triumph. 

I shook my head and rubbed my temples, “And Tufulla? What was he doing in all of this?

There was a beat of silence.

Day leaned forward. “Dodged the first blow. Barely. Got clipped in the ribs and stumbled into a table. Trunch pulled him out of the way while the rest of us tried to keep ‘Jonath’ occupied.

Carrie bolted upright and gasped “Not Jonath, that’s what we’ll call him.

Yak nodded. “Not Jonath, or whatever his real name was, had caught us off guard.” He said. “He used the furniture to his advantage, making sure we couldn’t all try and attack at once.

But we didn’t want him breaking any of the furniture,” Umberto added, chest puffed up.  

I looked toward the pile of broken barstools, tables and chairs recently stacked on the stage area then looked back at Umberto. 

You said you hit him with a barstool?

Umberto placed one hand on the table and leaned in, pointing to his own chest with his thumb. “I said we didn’t want him breaking the furniture. We can break as much as we want, it’s our tavern.

The group nodded in collective agreement.

Anyway,” Umberto continued, “we worked together to keep him away from Tufulla and draw him away from furniture.

Trunch pointed around the room as he explained. “We started moving like a pack, slowly herding him toward the far corner. Limiting his options. He was very well trained, able to take us all on.

I saw Redmond and Osman hiding under a table with the grace and usefulness of two decorative ferns” Day added, “So I quietly shepherded them out the door.

Yak looked at Din, who nodded approvingly, and then looked at me with a wide smile. “Moments later, the molotovs came.

Thrown from outside, through the windows.” Umberto scowled. “They were accompanied by a voice saying ‘Thornstar sends his regards!’. I knew we should’ve properly taken down that scumbag in the fight earlier.” he spat on the floor in disgust.

Not Jonath took the chaos as an opportunity.” Wikis added. “He grabbed a full bottle of spirits and lobbed it low toward a growing flame on the floor, right near where Tufulla had ducked.

At first I thought Tufulla had started dancing” Carrie giggled, “but then I realized it had ignited and caught his robe.

I paused to picture the scene: the group, still wounded from the forest battle the day before. Redmond and Osman, once again, cowering behind something inanimate. The bar rapidly filling with flames. Tufulla flailing, trying to smother his burning robes. And in the middle of it all, a smiling master assassin, toying with them.

Wikis placed a hand on my arm “Tufulla managed to put out his robes” she said reassuringly, “And then Din put himself between the two of them.

He wasn’t getting past me,” Din thumped the table with a fist. “Not while I still had a beard on my face and spells left in my fingers.

Wikis raised a finger. “There was a moment, though. Just before the fire started. When they were face to face.” She frowned. “He said something. Whispered, cool, calm, like a cat toying with a trapped mouse.

Din didn’t look up. “It wasn’t how he said it.

He shifted in his seat, eyes dark and distant.

It was what he said.

A beat passed.

He looked right at me,” Din said. “Smiling. And he said he’d never expected to see one of my kind again.

Silence.

He said he thought they’d wiped us all out.

He meant Sparkwhiskers,” Yak whispered to me.

Din nodded once, his jaw tight. “After that, I stopped trying to kill him. I needed him conscious. I needed answers.

But while all the fighting was going on I heard something upstairs.” Wikis hissed, “Someone else.

Carrie fluttered dramatically onto the table. “Wikis and I bolted upstairs,” she said, miming the dash mid-air. “There was someone else. She was poking about in the rooms upstairs, like she was looking for someone. She was wearing these unflattering long, dark robes.  The slouch didn’t help. Terrible posture for someone of her figure.

I threw a dagger at her, but somehow it missed” Wikis scowled, “And then she started running toward the stairs.”

Day rose from his chair and headed behind the bar. He poured a round of ales and returned to the table, hands filled with handles, and slid one over to me. I’d barely touched the first, listening and writing as they laid it all out for me.

Bones chose that exact moment to dash out from behind the bar and head for the stairs.” He said calmly, as if a skeletal cat dashing across the room was a normal occurrence in a tavern.

Not Jonath saw Bones and hesitated.”

The look on his face! He was all … what the? You people are messed up” Yak laughed.

Trunch raised his head. At first it was hard to tell if he’d been sleeping, or just intently listening. “In that moment, when everything else could have gone even more wrong.” He said “Tufulla acted.

He stood up straight, brushed his robes with his hands and shook his wrists like a motherfucker.” Din’s face was full of reverence. “He raised a hand.
Spoke a single word in a voice that cracked through the room like old timber splitting.

And Not Jonath vanished.” Day finished. “Gone. No smoke. No flash. Just gone.

We all fucking panicked” Umberto said.

I didn’t” Carrie replied smugly. “I didn’t see it happen.

Umberto glared at her “We ALL panicked. Thought he’d made a run for it

He hadn’t,” Din added calmly. “Apparently Tufulla just cast a banishment spell. Told us he’d be back. About a minute from then. Right there.

Trunch silently pointed to the corner of the room, we all turned to look. There was an eerie little scuff mark on the floor, as if something had been suddenly pulled away but not without resisting first. 

We sat in reflective silence for a moment before I dared to ask what happened with the intruder upstairs. The woman. 

Trunch caught my eye, a look of candid seriousness in his.

You have to understand, Klept. This all happened so quickly. Choices were made, in the spur of the moment. There wasn’t time to think things through.

I nodded, signaling to the group I was ready for whatever gruesome chaos was about to be delivered.

I was told that the woman, busy trying to avoid Carrie and Wikis, noticed the cat coming up the stairs at the last minute. She recoiled, raising a foot and putting herself off balance.

I saw an opening and shoved,” Carrie said, sending her hand forward with flair. “She tumbled down the stairs in an undignified tangle of limbs.
She bowed and dusted her hands.

A beat of silence followed. The group nodded in unison. 

She landed hard. Didn’t move,” Day rocked his mug in small circles.

Yak raised his mug. “Fires still going.

Plus an unconscious intruder,” Carrie added cheerily, as if checking items off a list.

We had to make sure she really was unconscious first,” Umberto pointed out. Punctuating the point by jabbing his finger into the tabletop. “So I whacked her on the back of the head. Wikis tied her up and threw her into the kitchen.”

Wikis gave a confident thumbs up, paired with a paranoid grin, like she was proud of her handiwork, but also half-expecting the woman to burst out of the pantry at any second.

Which left the fires,” Day said with dry inevitability, “and the potential return of Not Jonath.

Umberto and I ran outside,” Trunch added quickly.

Trying to catch the bastard who set our tavern on fire,” Umberto growled.

But Umberto ran out stark naked,” Carrie giggled, nearly spilling her drink. “He used his loincloth to put out one of the fires on the table near the door – on the way out!

She was practically weeping with laughter by the end of the sentence. I refrained from asking Umberto how often he used his loincloth as fire safety equipment.

All this happened so quickly,” Wikis said, rubbing her forehead. “We almost forgot about Not Jonath.

We had the fires under control, and the mystery woman tied up,” Din said, more to himself than to the group. “For a moment, we let our guard down. We forgot.

He popped back,” Day sighed. “Right where Tufulla said he would. Then he promptly vanished again.

We thought Tufulla had bought us more time,” Carrie said. “That, maybe he’d cast something else to give us a window.

But when we looked at him…” Yak stood, adjusted his posture, and shifted his face into a passable imitation of Tufulla. He shrugged with just the right amount of weary dignity and said, in an unnervingly accurate voice:
I didn’t do that one.

Carrie nodded solemnly, gesturing toward Umberto.
We all panicked,” she said, as if it were an official statement. “Din and Day went to see if he was outside, Yak checked upstairs. Wikis and I stayed here.

And Tufulla poured himself a drink.” Wikis added matter of factly.

Day leaned forward, hand steady on the handle of his mug. “Din I had barely made it through the door before we heard shouting from in the alley.

Trunch began punctuating his points with wide hand gestures, spilling ale across the table and floor. 

Umberto and I had gone out to see if we could catch whoever threw the molotovs. We ran straight into young Iestyn—the boy who’s been hanging around.

I gave a small nod. “Ah yes, Iestyn. Sort of acts as Tufulla’s eyes on the street, him and his little band.

He remarked on Umberto’s lack of attire. Quite astutely, I might add, before telling us the culprits ran off toward the square.

He said, ‘Um, Mr Umberto, Sir. Do you realise you are not wearing any pants?’” Umberto grinned. “I told him I didn’t have time for pants, I needed to catch the bastards who tried to burn down my bar. Then I turned to the window across the way and told that nosy old broad to get an eyeful and mind her own business.

Wikis buried her face in her hands at that part. Carrie went scarlett.

We were about to run after them when we heard the shouts from inside,” Trunch said.

Then, right there in the alley, bampf!” Umberto shouted, slamming his mug on the table. “Jonath reappeared. Right in front of me.

Trunch chuckled. “You surprised him. Again.

It’s my impressive stature,” Umberto said, raising his eyebrows with a cheeky grin. “Like Thistlewick, in Barbara’s All Choked Up.” 

Din groaned. 

Wikis giggled.

Carrie snorted.

Trunch smiled and shook his head. “I think it was more to do with the fact that he didn’t expect us to be there than your physical appearance.” 

That was about when we ran outside.” Din motioned across the table to Day. “He tried to make a run for it. But we were ready.

Eldritch blasts from the left,” Day said, ticking it off on his fingers as Trunch sat back and crossed his arms. “A witchbolt to the ribs.

And this,” Umberto said with relish, miming a full axe swing, “to the spine!

He swung an invisible axe over his head and flung it with a grunt. His drink narrowly avoided disaster.

Din, however, did not look pleased.

I wanted answers,” he grumbled. “Real ones. About who he was, where he came from. About what happened to my people.

There was a pause as Din’s voice lowered. “So I used a little spell to keep him alive.

And that’s when I –” Umberto began.

Beheaded him,” Din finished flatly. “While I was kneeling. Mid-spell. With your entire naked body blocking my vision.

– dangled my nuts in his face and then took off his head,” Umberto declared proudly. “I regret nothing.

That could change later,” Din muttered.

Then, more quietly:
I picked up what I could salvage. Figured the head was all I really needed.

Trunch folded his arms, frowning. “I was more concerned about the corpse in the alley. Public street. Early morning foot traffic. Potential legal issues.

We were all concerned,” Day added, “until Iestyn shrugged and said ‘Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it’.

He winked,” Trunch whispered. “I saw him wink. Normal kids don’t wink like that!

A brief silence followed. Even Umberto nodded slowly at that.

And then?” I asked.
Then we walked back into the Grin,” Din said. “Carrying the head. I set it on the bar while I thought about what to do next.” His beard filtered bread crumbs from his ale as he drank deeply.

I glanced over at the bar. A dark stain lingered in the corner, spatters trailing down the side and onto the floor. Or perhaps it was just the lantern light, playing tricks on my mind.

Trunch cleared his throat. “Just as we crossed the alley, there was a faint gasp.

Oh yeah,” Umberto grinned. “The old busybody.

Blind swung shut like a mousetrap,” Yak added, pleased. “Followed by a thud that I assume was her fainting.

I resisted the urge to peek through the alley window. Some things, I decided, are better left undocumented. I made a final note in the margin, though I wasn’t entirely sure what to label it: ‘Victory?’ ‘Tavern Incident?’ ‘Wednesday?’

Some stories don’t end with answers. Just with slightly less fire.

Of Prophecies and Property Rights

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter X


Day woke us all at first light. There’s something quietly unnerving about Elves. It’s not the pointy ears or the grace, but the way they don’t sleep. Just sit there. Still. Watching. What’s even more unnerving is that I haven’t seen Day make any adjustments to his hair at all and yet it’s still immaculate.

Everyone began to rise – Umberto lay coo-ing and clutching his Dongswallower signed parchment. In this moment, soft and childlike, he was the exact antithesis of the raging destructive force he usually displayed. 

Carrie fluttered above him and muttered ‘he’s so sweet when he sleeps

Trust me, it doesn’t last long,” Din replied. He stoked the embers of last night’s fire and set about cooking a simple breakfast. 

The morning discussion quickly turned to yesterday’s events and the recent discoveries.

Three medallions,” Trunch looked at Wikis who reluctantly removed them from wherever they were being kept in her coat, “and a brick that seems to resurrect the dead” – that was produced wrapped and kept off the ground (just in case).

That’s just what came from the graveyard,” Day added, looking to Yak who, in between mouthfuls of breakfast, produced the small metallic box he had found in the Lenn house. 

There’s two brooches in here, not medallions but the same symbol. The wilted Dandelion flower in a bed of thorns.” Yak spoke with a mouthful of crumbs.

Don’t forget the list” Carrie cried out “There was some kind of list in the box as well.

Inside the box was also a folded piece of parchment paper. It seemed to be a list of some kind but it was written in a language that none of the group could translate. 

It might be a list of people we should try and find or ‘talk to’” Umberto grunted lifting his axe above his head as if it were a dumbbell and he was doing morning reps. 

It could be an old family recipe for cabbage soup for all we know,” Din added forlornly. No one had spoken about his trance – there seemed to be a general agreement that he would talk about it when he was ready, but something was different about him. He had sat, not moving, not making a sound,  in front of that Sparkwhisker gravestone for over an hour.

We should return to Dawnsheart,” I said, with the tone of a man who very much hoped someone responsible would take over soon. I, Klept, had no intention of loitering about like a spare coin at a beggar’s feast. I wanted to see Tufulla, partly to report our findings, but mostly to be officially and ceremoniously relieved of my continued association with this increasingly unpredictable group. “We should inform him of what we’ve uncovered,” I added, hopefully. “Surely the White Ravens have the appropriate personnel, enchanted implements, and overall constitution to deal with… well, this.

The group didn’t agree, or disagree with me. They nodded – items were packed away and we began the slow walk back to Dawnsheart. 

About 25 minutes into our walk, Day spoke up.
Didn’t we make this trip in a cart yesterday?”

There was a moment of silence. Heads turned.

Wait…” Carrie said, fluttering above the group with a piece of breakfast still in her hand. “We did have a cart. And mules. We just… left them back at the graveyard, didn’t we?

She gave a cheerful shrug. “Well, at least they’ll keep the grass down. Brandt doesn’t seem interested in the job anymore.

Umberto stopped walking. Slowly, deliberately, he turned to look at me.

You were there, Klept. You wrote it down, didn’t you? That’s why you’re here isn’t it?” Umberto barked, thrusting one hand out flat like he was offering a target. Then he stabbed his other finger into his palm with the force of someone nailing down a coffin lid, “to write things down, so they are remembered. You do know how to write, don’t you?

I blinked.

The cart. The almost comfortable, not-walking cart. That should’ve been chronicled.

I was focused more on the rising dead and resurrecting bricks, actually,” I replied.

Well, maybe next time, you could scribble ‘TAKE THE CART’ in big letters somewhere between your divine doodles and graveyard haikus,” Umberto muttered, hoisting his axe onto his shoulder and trudging onward. “Unbelievable. After all the undead nonsense and the lack of answers, we’re walking back to town? On foot?

We did also get a box of possibly cursed accessories and a brick that raises the dead.” Din spoke for the first time in a while. 

Oh good. A brick.” Umberto sighed and trudged on, muttering to himself. “I told the old man bringing a chronicler was just asking for disappointment.

I opened my mouth but Trunch just shook his head at me, pleading with me not to say anything.  

That’s when Yak appeared beside me. I hadn’t seen him approach — which is typical, if mildly disconcerting.

Don’t worry too much,” he said quietly, eyes on the path ahead. “He’s always cranky.

He reached into one of the many folds of his robe and, with a magician’s sleight of hand, produced half a sizzlecake — slightly squashed.

For you,” he said, placing it in my hand like a sacred relic.

I stared at it.

Was this…?

Let’s not ask too many questions,” Yak replied, patting me on the shoulder before walking away.

I took a bite.

It was, against all odds, still surprisingly pleasant.

Umberto didn’t speak to me for the next ten minutes. I considered it a gift.


We arrived back in Dawnsheart through the northwest gate around mid-morning.

The town was alive—carts rattling, vendors shouting, boots on stone—but there was a thin layer of unease beneath the bustle, like tension tucked just under the cobblestones. The energy was there, yes—but the cheer had gone missing.

A pair of guards stood at the gate, and one of them, broad-shouldered, breakfast crumbs still on his collar, stepped forward with a hand raised. His eyes narrowed as he took us in.

Wikis, ever subtle, was scanning rooftops like she expected an ambush. Umberto was visibly clenching his fists and radiating barely-contained fury. Din looked tired. Trunch looked like a man mentally budgeting for incoming chaos.

Yak, who had somehow materialized from nowhere, was the first the guard seemed to recognize. A flicker of memory crossed his face.

Then he saw me.

Klept?” he asked, straightening a little. “Reader Klept?

I nodded, perhaps a little more formally than necessary. “In the flesh. Though slightly more bruised than yesterday.

Recognition settled across the guard’s face like dust returning to a shelf. I remembered him now, he’d been stationed in the square yesterday, during the  golem attack in the cathedral. 

He lowered his hand. “Apologies. You lot just… you don’t exactly blend.

I suppose that’s true,” I said, glancing at my travelling companions. “This lot seem to specialize in public disruption and questionable timing.

That earned a tired, wry smile from the guard. Umberto glared at me. Carrie hmpfed.

Then the guard gave a small nod toward the cathedral.

The High Reader gave the prophecy read last evenin’. Didn’t sit well with many folk. Not that the message was bad, just… heavy. Said sometimes prophecy don’t mean what it seems. It’s not about what it says, but how we face it.

He looked out over the streets, where the morning light painted everything in gold and shadow.

Folk are still talking about it. Quiet, like. But it’s sticking. Moods likely to be down for a while

I guess the taverns will do a bit more business then” Day spoke carefully, as if assessing whether a joke would be appropriate or not. 

I ‘spect they will, which likely means a bit more work for us. Just make sure you lot aren’t caught up in it” he cast a wary gaze over the group, lingering on Umberto and Wikis just long enough to imply he knew their type.

We promise to be on our best behavior” Din raised a hand in what may or mat not have been mock respect.

The guard nodded curtly, stepped aside, and waved us through with one hand.

As soon as she was past, Carrie turned and stuck her tongue out at him, careful to make sure he didn’t notice. 

As we passed through the gates, the town unfurled before us — familiar, but quieter. Dawnsheart always had its share of weariness, but now it wore it openly, like a shawl draped too tightly against a coming storm.

The guard’s words lingered. The message isn’t always what it seems.

I remembered the Read. The light on the glyphs. The pattern that emerged.
The mention of the arrival of outsiders.

At the time, I assumed it meant foreign diplomats. A traveling scholar. Perhaps a metaphor.

I did not assume it referred to a gnome who screams at skeletons, a changeling with a pastry pouch, or a halfling who treats valuable relics like spare buttons.

And yet, here they are. Loud. Chaotic.
And just possibly, the beginning of something.

They fought. They bled. They risked their lives for people they didn’t know, against enemies they didn’t understand.

But they also bickered, interrogated a child, and nearly set a graveyard on fire.

Outsiders, certainly. Whether they’re the right ones… that remains to be seen.

I tightened my grip on my journal. The path was lit, yes — but by torchlight or wildfire, I couldn’t yet tell.

As we rounded the bend toward Dawnsheart’s town square, the road widened and the cobbles began to warm up beneath our feet as the sun beamed down. A gentle breeze stirred the smoke rising from hearth chimneys, curling it into lazy spirals above the rooftops.

That’s when we saw them—half a dozen children darting through the street ahead, shrieking with laughter. One had a stick shaped like a wooden sword, another wore a too-big helmet that slipped over his eyes with every step. They raced past us in a flurry of giggles and scuffed boots.

But one boy slowed as he passed. He was barefoot, wild-haired, and gripping a battered broomstick between his legs. He wasn’t galloping like a knight or cackling like a pretend witch. No, he crouched low, face serious with determination, steering his “steed” through invisible waves.

Across the cobblestones, he shouted, “Hold steady, bean! Don’t you dare sink now!”

And then he kicked off again, paddle-miming wildly, skimming around the corner like it were a sacred lake.

Wikis stopped mid-sentence. Din tilted his head.

Trunch kept walking, oblivious, until Yak appeared beside him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Trunch,” he said quietly, nodding toward the scene.

Just then, a girl with a crooked braid and scraped knees glanced up and saw us. Her eyes lingered. First on Din, then on Wikis, then finally on Trunch. A look passed over her face: the kind that knows a story when it sees one.

She didn’t say a word.

But Trunch saw it too. He stepped forward, raised a finger to his lips in a gentle shush, and gave her a single, conspiratorial wink.

The girl giggled, turned on her heel, and bolted after her friends, grinning so wide it might’ve wrapped around her head.

Yak and Umberto stood beside Trunch, one hand each on his shoulders.

“This is how it starts,” Umberto murmured, half-whispering. “A bean. A wink. A game. And soon, your actions become the stuff of legend.”

Yak nodded solemnly. “Next thing you know, they’re naming pies after you.”

Trunch said nothing. But he cleared his throat quietly, and for a moment, the ever-so-slightest tilt of his head made him look taller. Like maybe, just maybe, he was standing a little prouder.

We walked on, the story we carried leaving beginning to take root among the cobbled streets. Until, several steps later, Carrie fluttered around to face Trunch.

Her eyes lit up.

“Oh my gosh,” she gasped, jabbing her finger at him like she’d uncovered a scandal. “You were the guy. On the bean. At the festival.”


We made our way toward the cathedral, because that’s what you do when you have unanswered questions and your backpack is full of cursed heirlooms. You go to the man who wears a fancy robe on purpose.

At least, that was the intention.

What I’ve noticed with this group is that they operate less on a collective focus and more on something that resembles the curiosity of a pack of particularly inquisitive raccoons. All it takes is a flash of light, a wafting odor, or a loud noise and they are drawn to it like drunkards to unattended baked goods. 

We made it as far as the town square.

A commotion had gathered near the community notice board, shouting, scuffling, and the unmistakable tone of someone being publicly humiliated.

“It should be mine by right!” a man’s voice rang out.

“Make him fight for it!” another yelled.

“Sign up for the fight, you pompous prick!” a woman cheered.

The group looked at each other.

Sign up for the fight?” Wikis mouth at them quizzically.

That was all it took.

Umberto surged toward the chaos with the enthusiasm of a man who’d just heard the words “public violence” and “legal loophole” in the same sentence. Wikis followed close behind, eyes already scanning the crowd for opportunity, exits, and pocketable valuables. Din trailed them with the reluctant gait of someone who had seen how these things usually ended—and knew they were going to end that way again.

What’s going on?” Umberto barked, elbowing his way through the throng.

A short, red-faced woman with an apron half-off her shoulder turned to him. “People get to sign up for a fight, winner gets—

She didn’t finish.

By the time she’d managed her second breath, Umberto had already grabbed the charcoal stub from a dangling string and scrawled his name across the sign-up sheet pinned to the board. The handwriting was furious, the letters all uppercase and slightly aggressive, like the parchment had offended him and he was teaching it a lesson.

The rest of the group, swept along in the Umberto-shaped wake, began inspecting the notice as well. Several names already adorned the list, some in elegant, calligraphic flourishes, others with the jagged scrawl of someone trying to spell while mid-punch. None of them, however, had quite the sheer volume of personality as the newly added UMBERTO.

The fight, it seemed, would be held the next morning. Sign-ups closed that afternoon.

A fight’s a fight,” Umberto said with a shrug. “And this one’s legal. That’s practically recreational.

One by one, the others began adding their names to the list.

I suppose maybe we should find out what we’re fighting for?” Trunch offered dryly, his quill hovering just above the parchment.

I don’t need a reason,” Umberto said, rolling his shoulders. “Just a fight. Bit of physical therapy, if you know what I mean.

Din leaned in, squinting at the fine print. “Weaponry permitted if both combatants agree… magic allowed but single-target only—‘no fireballs or area of effect’… reasonable.

Carrie fluttered in front of the board, tracing the list of names with a finger. “Wait, if the matches are random, does that mean we might end up fighting each other?

Oh,” she said brightly, looking at Trunch. “Can I fight you?

I’d rather not,” Trunch replied, calm but already bracing for a future where that was somehow inevitable.

Wikis was still staring at the sign-up sheet like it was hiding something. “Do we know if the prize is cursed?” she asked. “It feels cursed. I just think someone should ask.

Yak, from behind her, silently signed his name upside-down and backwards with a flourish. “If it’s cursed, all the better,” he said.

Trunch finally signed with a sigh, then turned to look at each of us in turn. Not dramatically, not accusingly—just… sizing us up.

His gaze was slow. Measuring. Like a man mentally sorting tools into those that would last in a storm, and those that might snap.

And just beside him, Day stood motionless, arms folded, watching the group with that same unreadable calm he always wore—only this time, his eyes weren’t distant. They were studying.

He didn’t speak. He didn’t need to.

You could feel it. He was running calculations behind those eyes. Not just strategy—but probabilities. Weaknesses. Openings.

That’s when it hit me.

A sudden, quiet understanding clicked into place, like a blade slipping into its sheath. Clean. Unsettling.

At the core of it, this group—this party, this gloriously disjointed collection of chaos—was still made up of strangers. They had fought side by side, yes. Shared meals, near-deaths, occasional goats. But under all that, there were still vast unknowns between them.

Fighting alongside someone is one thing. Knowing what they’ll do when you’re in their way… that’s something else entirely.

Trunch was already thinking about it.

Day already knew.

Because this tournament wasn’t about strangers anymore.

It was about what happens when allies become opponents.

And there was a very real possibility that someone in this group might actually win.

I swallowed.

Now, more than ever, I wanted to ensure that my connection to them—this assignment as chronicler—would end. And soon. Before I got pulled even deeper into something I was already beginning to regret more thoroughly than most of my theological education.

That’s when the crowd parted—literally.

A massive orc muscled his way through the square with the slow, unstoppable confidence of a glacier wearing boots. He didn’t shout. He didn’t growl. He didn’t need to.

People moved.

He stepped up to the sign-up sheet like it owed him money.

Someone had just finished signing up. They turned, looked up and stood frozen with the stub still in hand. The orc loomed silently at his side, a living monument to muscle and menace. The poor fellow looked up, wide-eyed, then slowly—trembling—extended the charcoal like an offering. The orc didn’t look at anyone. Didn’t ask if it was his turn. Just grabbed the charcoal and started writing—if you could call it that.

Two letters. Big ones.

AZ

They swallowed three names whole and took a solid bite out of a fourth. The strokes were thick, messy, and somehow aggressively earnest. The kind of letters you’d expect from a toddler discovering uppercase for the first time—and winning. The letters were thick and clumsy, but the way he formed them? That took effort. Focus. Pride.

And it wasn’t just the writing. I clocked the way he held that charcoal. Like it meant something. Like it was more than a tool.

Then, just as silently, he turned and walked away. No words. No threat. Just the echo of his footsteps and the lingering scent of muscle oil and oh no.

The pompous man from earlier—the one shouting about inheritance rights and tradition—simply nodded as the orc passed. The nod of a man who had just outsourced his fistfight.

The silence that followed was thick enough to chew. One or two names on the list were quickly and quietly crossed off by their respective owners—no fuss, no comment, just a sudden and profound change of heart.

Carrie cleared her throat and turned to Wikis.

Okay,” she said. “We really need to find out what we’re fighting for. Especially if it means fighting him. Or…” she glanced sideways at Day and Trunch, who were still eyeing each other with quiet calculation, “each other.

Wikis slowly nodded, still staring after the orc.

It’s a property dispute,” one woman explained leaning in, arms crossed, eyes fixed on the growing list of contenders. “Fights are drawn at random from those who sign up. Winner moves on to the next round. Last fighter standing at the end of the day wins the deed.

The fancy-looking fellow over there”, she gestured with her chin toward a well-dressed gentleman who was gesturing animatedly to what looked like a city official, “he thinks it ought to be his. Says his father owned it.

But!” piped up an older man in an enormous hat, stepping in like he was sharing state secrets, “his father’s will says the property has to be won. That’s how he got it, years back. Won it in a card game.”

Trunch and Day had stopped sizing the group up and had begun to listen. Umberto stood, arms crossed watching the orc lumber across the square.

I heard it was a chicken race,” someone added.

Pie-eating contest,” another insisted. “Four rounds. Crust was the tiebreaker.”

Oh, what kind of pie?” Yak was suddenly more interested in the conversation than the crowd’s coat pockets.

Don’t matter what kind. Neither pie nor competition,” said the woman again. “It’s the tradition that matters. Has to be won—fair and public. Apparently, Thornstar, the previous owner,  loved a good fistfight. Said it revealed true character. Traditions are important ‘round these parts.” She gave the group a steely once-over as if to say ‘I know you lot ain’t from ‘round ‘ere’. She lingered on Trunch just long enough to mean his face was filed in a box somewhere in her mind, but not long enough for her to pull out a pile of boxes and sort through them. Somehow she seemed to come to the conclusion they weren’t problematic.

Carrie leaned in, eyes gleaming like she’d just heard the prelude to a juicy scandal. “So… what kind of property are we talking about?

Is it a warehouse?” Trunch asked, straight-faced. “That would be a good place for unsanctioned fistfights.

The old man’s house?” Wikis asked suspiciously, already scowling like it might be haunted and full of breakable valuables.

No, no—nothing like that,” the old gentleman said, practically twinkling now. “It’s a wee tavern.

There was a beat.

Then Umberto and Din turned to each other, eyes wide.

It was the kind of look usually reserved for children who’d discovered the candy stall at the festival had no supervision and an honesty box system.

Did he say tavern?” Umberto whispered, breathless.

Din nodded, solemn as a priest. “He did.

And then it happened.

They grinned. Wide, unfiltered, dangerously joyous grins. The kind of grins that suggested two men already fantasizing about custom tankards, a beef jerky wall, and permanent discounts for anyone who could out head-butt a ram.

Oh,” Umberto said, cracking his knuckles, “I’m winning this.

I’m gonna sleep under the bar,” Yak added. “On purpose.

That’s when a nearby bystander leaned in—a sharp-eyed woman with a fraying bonnet and a voice like cracked gravel.

To be fair,” she muttered, “The Goblin’s Grin’s a run-down shit hole. Roof leaks. Floor sinks. Pretty sure the back room is full of mushrooms that bite.

The Goblin’s Grin” Din let the words linger on his tongue like a particularly sweet candy.

Half the folks signed up just to knock the place down,” added a lanky man with one eyebrow and a sack of turnips. “It’s a dark, poky little hole. Smells like damp socks and something best left unfound.

Umberto turned slowly to face him.

It sounds perfect,” he said, eyes gleaming.

Carrie gave a satisfied exhale. “Sounds like it’s got character.

Is it stocked?” Day had a sparkle in his eyes I hadn’t seen before.

At that point that I, the one with the functioning long-term memory, made the executive decision to leave the group discussing property details and battle plans and make my way to Tufulla, to debrief him  on our Nelb discoveries as was the original plan this morning. 

I slipped away toward the cathedral, journal under one arm and the beginnings of a stress headache forming behind my left eye. The mayor’s office, I noticed, was shuttered with a hand-scrawled sign in the window: TEMPORARILY CLOSED. ARREST PENDING. A rather elegant euphemism for Roddrick finally got caught doing something too obvious to weasel out of.

As the bells of the cathedral chimed the quarter-hour, I adjusted my robes, steadied my breath, and prepared to find High Reader Tufulla. I had information to deliver, a prophecy to report on, and, if the gods were truly kind, an opportunity to be officially and ceremoniously released from my ongoing involvement with the chaotic group causing a ruckus around the town board.

The doors to the cathedral were open, technically so was the window next to them. The glass shards had been swept up and there was some scaffolding erected but it was just still an empty space where a beautiful stained glass window had once been. A few townsfolk sat scattered across the pews, heads bowed, not praying so much as lingering near holiness in the hope it would rub off.

Tufulla was near the pulpit, speaking in low tones with an individual I didn’t recognize. When he saw me, the High Reader raised one hand. Not in blessing. In pause.

He finished his conversation, nodded gravely, and dismissed the mystery individual. Then he turned toward me, his expression tired, but, much to my surprise, relieved.

You returned,” he said. “And the rest of our interesting little group are?” he looked past me as if to expect them to come crashing through the door on the back of an angry dragon.

Signing up for some kind of street brawl” I replied “Is that sort of thing actually legal?

Probably,” Tufulla replied, unfazed. “Who knows what kind of things Roddrick signed into law? The man had no clue what he was doing. But, I assume there’s a pile of paperwork involved and things to sign, and, if they are consenting individuals then…” he waved his hand as if to clear this thought from his space “what did you find? In Nelb. I see you came back in one piece.

I gave a slight shrug. “We found… things. Enough to suggest your theory about the Dan’del’ion Court isn’t incorrect.

Tufulla’s gaze sharpened, but he simply nodded. “Come. Walk with me.

He turned, and I followed him down the central aisle. The cathedral’s stained-glass windows threw fractured light across the stone floor—sunbeams filtered through saints, symbols, and stories long forgotten by most.

Outside, the world carried on. Inside, it felt like time held its breath.

You’re certain?” Tufulla asked softly.

As certain as one can be when traveling with a group like this,” I replied. “The dead were rising in the Graveyard.

That was mentioned in the report from Brandt. Was he much help?

They knocked him out. Well, Umberto did. He was drunk.”

Tufulla looked confused.

Brandt. Brandt was drunk. He seemed to have given up. Wasn’t helpful. The group decided to get information in their own … special way.”

We left the calm of the cathedral behind, just in time to hear shouting from across the square.

Din was using all his strength to hold Umberto back. 

Umberto was yelling at a young gentleman with the fury of a held back hurricane. “Barbara Dongswallower is the greatest literary artist in history

Oh, please – it’s obvious she uses a ghost-writer. Her prose is awful.

Day and Trunch had joined Din in holding Umberto back and yet Umberto was still slowly moving toward the young man. Wikis had drawn her bow and was using it to keep the crowd at bay. Carrie pressed a finger into the man’s chest.

If you’re really that smart,” she said with a bite “you’d recognize now as a good time to walk away.

Yak sat cross legged on a nearby table, watching it all unfold with pastry in hand. I thought I could see a smile in the dark recesses of his hood even from across the square.

The group, it seemed, were thriving.

Tufulla exhaled slowly.

You know,” he said, “I’m impressed you made it back completely unscathed.”

I straightened my robes with mock pride. “Oh, I wouldn’t say completely unscathed. But most of the damage is emotional.

Tufulla paused, hand resting lightly on my shoulder.

I see. It sounds like we have some things to discuss. How about a pint?

Oh, Gods. Please.

The Subtle Art of Extracting Information

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter IX


Brandt’s door rattled when Trunch knocked. Then again when Umberto pounded on it with his fist.

From inside: silence.

Then, eventually, the shuffling of reluctant feet. A click. A creak.

The door cracked open, and Brandt Ulfornd peered out like a man deeply disappointed that he was still alive. He smelled like the unmistakable scent of disappointment soaked in alcohol. His robe was inside out. His eyes were bloodshot. His general aura was that of a man who’d found rock bottom, bought property there, and was currently renting out the basement.

“...You again,” he mumbled, blinking slowly. “Didn’t I already give you a key or… a goat… or something?

The key. Yes,” Trunch said gently. “About twenty minutes ago.

Right. Good key. Worked fine?

Perfectly,” Umberto said, stepping forward. “Now we have follow-up questions. About the Lenn family

Brandt blinked again, swaying slightly. 

The Lenns?” he repeated, squinting at us like we were a particularly unwelcome hangover. “They were… fine. Good folk. Kept to themselves. Generous. Rich, of course.

He leaned against the doorframe, bottle still in hand, and waved vaguely toward the hill.

Built that big house up there. Put up the mausoleum down here. Paid for the flower beds before the weeds won. Didn’t cause trouble. Didn’t attract trouble.” 

He took another swig, winced like the drink had punched him back. “Look, if this is about the dead in the graveyard—they’re handled now, right? You sorted that. Lovely work, truly. Very brave. You have my thanks”. He gestured weakly toward the cemetery behind us, as if sealing it shut with a flick of his fingers. “So if it’s all the same to you…kindly bugger off and leave me be

He started to close the door, but Umberto stuck a foot in the frame.

Look, old man,” he said, trying very hard to be patient and failing miserably, “we’ve got skeletons literally clawing their way out of the ground and your name on the caretaker’s ledger. So unless you want to join them—

You don’t scare me,” Brandt snapped. “You think you’re the first thug come knockin’? I kept this place in order long before any of you were—hic—playing dress-up with swords!

He shoved the door. Umberto shoved back.

There was a brief scuffle, which ended with Brandt sprawled unconscious on the porch, snoring like someone trying to breathe through gravel.

Problem solved,” Umberto said, dusting his hands. “Let’s search the house.

You can’t just knock people unconscious because they’re uncooperative!” I protested.

He started it! Would you have preferred I set him on fire?

I would have preferred a conversation!

That was a conversation,” he said.

Wikis, naturally, had already let themselves in.

The house was a disaster. Papers everywhere, dishes stacked in odd places, furniture that hadn’t been moved in years. But amidst the chaos, a strange kind of order: shelves stacked with carefully labeled books, maps, records, family trees—drawn and redrawn in painstaking detail.

The fairy flitted across the ceiling beams, peeking into boxes and scroll tubes, occasionally dusting things with the hem of their coat.

Messy house,” she said, “but mostly meticulous records. Something changed recently though.”

Something broke,” Wikis said, flipping through a massive leather-bound volume. “This man catalogued births, deaths, and dental appointments going back decades. And then… nothing. About eighteen months ago. Everything stops.”

They laid the book flat.

L-E-N-N,” Wikis read. “Markus and Lilly. Arrived from out of town years ago. No listed origin. Very wealthy. Buried in the mausoleum.

And their daughter?” I asked, already peeking out the dusty window.

Still alive. Brenne Lenn,” the fairy said. 

Lives alone in the family homestead” She and I spoke at the said time. Her reading from the ledger, me pulling from memory.

There was a pause.

How do you know that?” Day asked suddenly, his voice cool but not unkind.

I turned, surprised—and was immediately reminded that Yak exists in a constant state of surprise appearances.

He emerged from behind a stack of crates like a theatrical specter and pressed a dagger gently—yet meaningfully—against my throat.

What else do you know that you’re not telling us, Chronicler?

I’m a Church historian,” I said, carefully. “Tufulla didn’t bring me along for my swordplay. He sent me because I know the valley.

Yak’s eyes narrowed. The dagger didn’t waver.

The Lenns were prominent,” I continued. “Not just in Nelb. In Dawnsheart too. Wealthy, generous. Contributed to civic works, charity funds, temple restorations. Always smelled faintly of lavender. Their family name is carved on a bench in the cathedral’s west wing, next to the donation box that leaks.

The dagger lowered.

You could’ve told us this earlier,” Umberto said, leaning against the doorframe with arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “Y’know—before we got here. Before the graveyard. Before Brandt went night-night.”

I blinked at him.

You didn’t ask. You all just… ran off with weapons drawn and a vague plan involving improvised violence.

That does sound like us,” Day mused.

Carrie floated past with a ledger under one arm. “So… where’s this mysterious house, then?

I pointed out the window. Through the mist, the Lenn estate sat atop a modest hill—looming just enough to be foreboding, picturesque enough to be tragic.

There,” I said. “Two stories, slightly crooked roof, probably haunted. You can’t miss it.

Trunch leaned under my shoulder and nodded.

Think we should talk to her?

Yes,” I said. “But maybe not with the same tact you used on Brandt.”

I nodded toward the porch, where our gravekeeper lay in a heap—snoring, twitching, and absolutely unhelpful.

Let’s try knocking with words this time.

We left Brandt snoring on the porch, surrounded by broken bottles, scattered papers, and the lingering aroma of disappointment.

Let him sleep it off,” Umberto said, waving a hand like he’d just performed a mercy. “He’ll be fine. Or not. Either way, quieter.

I didn’t argue. At this point, I was saving my energy for more important things. Like regret.

The hill that led to the Lenn house was soft underfoot—overgrown grass, patches of wild onion, the occasional cabbage stalk creeping too close to the path. The house loomed above us like it had grown out of the hill rather than been built into it. Two stories, weathered shutters, and an uneasy stillness that made the air feel thicker the closer we got.

I took the lead. Not because I wanted to, but because if I left it to the others, we’d arrive by battering ram.

Behind me, Umberto was stomping up the path like the very concept of hills had personally insulted him.

He was… louder than usual. Angrier, if that was even possible. His jaw was tight, his eyes sharper than they needed to be, and he kept muttering about “rich people’s secrets” and “shady hilltop bastards” under his breath. If Din had been here, he might’ve offered a calming word. A logical argument. A steady hand.

Instead,the hand on Umberto’s shoulder belonged to Carrie.

Imagine, if you will, a fairy bard at the height of her powers—if those powers included an unshakable need for attention, the color palette of a gemstone heist, and an instrument that sounds like it’s been possessed by a musically gifted banshee with stage presence.

Carrie is barely three feet tall, though she somehow radiates tall. Her wings shimmer like stained glass windows mid-mutiny—flashes of violet, teal, and emerald that could either dazzle a crowd or distract a charging owlbear, depending on the lighting. Her hair is a riotous shade of sunset orange, styled in a way that suggests either careful intention or magical accidents she pretends were on purpose. She pins the more rebellious strands back with glittering clips shaped like musical notes. Of course she does.

Her clothing is what happens when someone says “travel light” and she hears “travel fabulously.” A velvety purple bodice embroidered in golden swirls wraps around her like a melody about to burst into song. From the waist down, she’s draped in a cascade of jewel-toned silks—sapphire, ruby, emerald, amethyst—like a patchwork tapestry that sings when she walks. The sleeves don’t match, obviously. One is snug with braidwork, the other is pure drama.

Strapped across her chest, like a knight’s sword or a mage’s staff, is a set of bagpipes. And not just any bagpipes—no, these are polished mahogany, inlaid with silver vines, the bag itself a forest-green leather etched with arcane musical symbols that pulse faintly when she plays. It’s all very subtle. If you’re blind.

She also carries a satchel full of sheet music, shiny things she’s ‘collected’ (read: definitely not stolen), and an alarming number of polished stones that she insists are ‘emotionally resonant.’

Her boots, laced with crimson ribbon, are technically for travel, though one suspects she judges every village by the acoustics of its town square. A small pendant shaped like a swirling gust of wind hangs around her neck—enchanted, of course—to ensure her solos arrive with appropriate drama.

And when she plays? It’s impossible to ignore. The sound is somewhere between a battle cry and a love letter, fierce and haunting, like someone casting Bardic Inspiration through a parade.

She’s dazzling. She’s maddening. She will absolutely make you a theme song before asking your name and she seemed to almost enjoy egging Umberto on.

We should demand answers! You won’t get the right results if you’re charming about it.” She was hovering just next to him, wings beating furiously to keep up. I’m sure she would have used less energy if she just walked alongside him.

I’m not here to be charming,” Umberto growled.

Exactly!” Carrie beamed. “That’s your charm.”

Wonderful, I thought. I’m leading a powder keg. And someone’s giggling while holding the match.

As the house grew closer, I stepped a little faster, trying to subtly put myself between Umberto and the front door before he kicked it open and demanded someone’s inheritance.

Listen,” I said, holding out a hand as the porch came into view. “I think I should do the knocking. I don’t know Brenne all that well, but we have met before, and I can use the Church as a legitimate reason for our visit.

Trunch nodded, a hint of shared concern in his expression.

That sounds wise. Maybe… introduce us, ask a few church-related questions, and we’ll try to steer it naturally toward the important stuff as we go.”

Church business is important,” I reminded him “To some people.”

I stepped up onto the creaking porch—slightly warped boards, paint peeling in gentle surrender—and raised a hand to knock.

Three firm taps.

The sound of footsteps approached. Then the door opened.

Brenne Lenn stood in the doorway.

She took one look at me—specifically, at my robes—and her expression softened.

Good Afternoon, Reader,” she said, with a small, reserved smile.

You may not remember me,” I began, giving my most diplomatic bow, “but I’m Reader Klept from the Church of the Prophet, in Dawnsheart.

She looked at me, and for a moment—just a flicker—there was something in her gaze. Recognition, certainly. Possibly… something else?

I missed it entirely. Carrie did not. Hovering just behind me, she leaned toward Wikis and whispered—not quietly—

Oh, honey. She apparently remembers, alright

Wikis didn’t respond, but I heard a quiet snort.

I do apologize for the intrusion,” I began, adopting the careful tone of someone trying to ease open a wary conversation. “We wouldn’t normally arrive unannounced, but given the circumstances—”

Which is, of course, when Umberto blew past me like a storm through a library.

This is taking too long,” he barked, brushing against my shoulder and storming through the door as if he owned the place. “I’ve got questions, and I want answers. Preferably before the next corpse gets back up and asks me something.

Brenne took a startled step back. “Wait—what is—?

Umberto,” Trunch called out, sighing mid-apology as he followed after him. “He means well. I think. Sometimes. Sorry.”

Her eyes darted from the increasingly crowded entryway to me. I offered my most disarming smile. “As I was saying… Church business.

She didn’t look convinced. Which was fair, considering one of our group had just let himself in like an angry relative come to dispute a will.

From behind me, Carrie’s voice piped up brightly.

Oh, I like this energy,” she said.

Trunch attempted to smooth things over the way only someone flanked by an armed lunatic and a church scribe could.

Brenne,” he said gently, “you’re safe. We’re not here to hurt you, and this really won’t take long.

It better not,” Umberto added, already pacing across her sitting room like he was preparing to interrogate a ghost.

I hadn’t even made it fully into the house before Trunch turned to me.

Klept, be a dear and make some tea, would you?”

Which, of course, is exactly what you ask the chronicler to do during an investigation. Tea. Vital stuff. History can wait.

I retreated to the kitchen in search of something approximating a kettle. Behind me, Umberto’s boots thudded across the floorboards as he muttered about ‘secrets in the wallpaper’ and ‘something off about the upholstery.’

Wikis loitered in the doorway like a highly strung cat—eyes darting, fingers twitching, absolutely radiating “don’t trust anything that breathes or doesn’t.”

Day, ever the minimalist, simply said:

I’ll wait outside.”

Then sat on the porch like he was awaiting the world’s slowest apocalypse. The afternoon sun caught the edge of his braid—an infuriatingly perfect thing, all smooth angles and quiet menace—and lit it up like a ribbon spun from bronze.

I would have hated him, if he wasn’t so consistently right about everything.

Also—and I cannot stress this enough—we just fought skeletons. In a graveyard. Right after surviving a golem attack. This morning. By the gods, that was only this morning. And somehow, his hair still looks like he conditioned it with elven moonlight and braided it using the whispers of forest spirits. I tried to remember if he had been brushing it on the cart ride over here but couldn’t. Which somehow made it worse.

Yak leaned on the doorframe, looking so casual I knew he was about to do something reckless. And Carrie—of course—had taken to fluttering about the garden like she was choosing centerpieces for an impending duel.

In the parlour, Trunch began the questioning with the steady tone of someone trying to be respectful.

Brenne, we’re not here to accuse. We’re simply trying to understand if your parents ever mentioned any association with the Dan’del’ion Court—any names, visits, oddities. Anything that might help us piece this together.

Umberto did not share this approach.

Let’s stop pretending,” he said, voice low and sharp. “Your parents were in it. Maybe you are too. If you want this to go well, start telling the truth.

I winced into the teacups.

Halfway through the questioning, I caught movement—Carrie, descending gracefully from above, as though she hadn’t just been spying through an upper window. She whispered to Yak, who turned and whispered to Day, who didn’t react at all… aside from the faintest nod.

Yak slipped silently inside like a shadow that had been invited in by accident.

Wikis, catching the cue, turned to Brenne with a sweetness I did not trust.

Is there a restroom I could use?” she asked, blinking innocently.

Brenne hesitated, clearly frazzled.

It’s… upstairs.”

Thank you,” Wikis said, already moving.

There was no stopping it now. The stealth team had deployed. The interrogation was underway. The tea was steeping.

And I was standing in a stranger’s kitchen with the growing suspicion that this was all going to end with shouting, broken furniture, and an official complaint to the Church.

A couple of minutes later I watched as Yak slipped back outside like nothing had happened, and Wikis re-entered the parlour just in time for the conversation to explode.

Because of course it did.

Trunch was doing his best.

Which is to say, he was carefully and calmly attempting to explain to a grieving young woman that her parents’ final resting place had recently failed to live up to its promise.

We discovered their sarcophagi open,” he said gently. “There are… signs of necromantic interference. We believe someone may be trying to—well—stir the past.

Brenne, understandably, was already pale and trembling.

Then Umberto decided to help.

Yeah,” he cut in, “your parents got back up. All skeleton, no soul. Attacked us. I put them down.

There was a silence. The kind that has weight to it.

Trunch looked like he’d swallowed a tack.

Just to clarify,” he said quickly, “we did not kill them the first time. They were already… post-mortem. What Umberto means is, they reanimated, and we were forced to—

Smash them,” Umberto added with a joyful malice “Again.”

Brenne’s eyes welled, then flared with a different kind of fire.

Get. Out.”

That’s fair,” I muttered.

She stood, trembling, but somehow steady, and pointed at the door with the certainty of someone who’d just had their last shred of comfort torched.

All of you. Now.

And for once, no one argued.

We left as a group—not quite silent, but certainly not speaking. Day rose from the porch without a word, his steps quiet, eyes unreadable. Carrie drifted overhead like a butterfly trying not to laugh, humming a tune that sounded uncomfortably like a funeral march in a major key.

I trudged near the back, notebook in hand, appetite hollow and bitter.

Yak reappeared beside me, chewing on something warm and fragrant. Something unmistakable.

“Well,” Yak added between bites, “that could have gone worse.”

“Yes,” I muttered. “But only if we’d arrived carrying torches and a mariachi band. Where did you even … Is that…?” I asked.

He nodded, mouth full. “Sizzlecake. Still warm.”

I stared at it like a man watching a ship sail away with everything he ever loved.”

He pointed off to the side.

Trunch stood beside a roadside stall, handing a few coins to an old woman who was packing things up. He had one more sizzlecake in his hand, the other already gone. A bag of onions dangled from his elbow like some cruel joke. He didn’t look back.

I felt something wither inside me.

“Move it, Chronicler,” Umberto barked from up ahead. “We don’t have time to dawdle.”

Carrie twirled lazily in the air, her humming now drifting into the second verse—bright, chipper, and completely inappropriate.

I hadn’t had a single bite. Not one. 

We made our way back down the hill—toward the graveyard, and whatever regrettable plan would emerge next.

Din was nowhere in sight.

We called his name a few times, scattered and uncertain, until Carrie’s voice floated out from a corner of the cemetery.

He’s over here!” she called, half-curious, half-concerned.

He was sitting cross-legged in the grass, completely still, positioned in front of a headstone that looked like it had been on the losing side of a decades-long argument with the surrounding flora.

We slowed. Approached cautiously.

Din?” Trunch called out, wiping the last remnants of the last sizzlecake on his shirt.

No response.

Umberto clomped closer and waved a hand in front of his face.

Still nothing.

Should we… poke him?” Yak asked, already halfway committed to the idea.

Maybe, don’t,” Trunch said. “Not yet, anyway

I looked down and noticed the grass, weeds, and moss had been cleared—carefully—from around the base of the headstone. Din had done it, that much was clear. Not in a trance, then. Not entirely. Something deliberate had led him here.

The stone beneath was worn, but not unreadable. Moss clung to the corners of carved lettering, but just enough had been exposed for the name to flicker into view.

D.A.V.O.S.

Beneath it, a carved face—undeniably Dwarven. The beard was rendered in curling, masterful strokes, rising up off the stone like it was caught mid-flow, or charged with static. It shimmered faintly, even without sunlight.

I stepped back.

Sparkwhiskers?” I breathed.

The group went quiet.

Carrie landed lightly beside me and studied the headstone. 

What’s it mean?” She asked.

I think it’s best he tells you, when he’s ready”.

What’s wrong with him?” Wikis asked, circling slowly, eyes narrowed. “He’s not dead, right?

No,” I said. “But he’s… elsewhere.

Trunch knelt beside Din and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder.

Din?” he said again, softly.

Din didn’t blink. Didn’t move.

He was looking at the grave like it had spoken. And maybe, in a way, it had.

Well, this is fucking great” Umberto spat “little miss skeleton parents up there didn’t give us anything” he gestured towards Brenne’s house “and now Din’s catatonic.

“And I didn’t get any sizzlecake” I mumbled. 

“What did you say?” Barked Umberto.

I said, I’m sure we’ll figure out a way to snap him out of it” I offered, in a way that I hoped sounded reassuring. 

And I wouldn’t say she gave us nothing,” Yak said. He exchanged a glance with Wikis and she pulled something out from somewhere under her coat.

Trunch’s brow furrowed. “You stole something, from her house?”.

Yak just shrugged his shoulders.

They found it in the bedroom upstairs” Carrie squealed “I saw them through the window

Wikis placed a small box very carefully on the ground and immediately snatched it up again. 

I don’t think this one will raise the dead” Day offered. 

She scowled at him and placed it down again. Black stone—though not quite stone—with delicate silver filigree edging. And on the lid, unmistakably, the symbol: a wilted dandelion head, nestled in a bed of thorns.

It was hidden under a floorboard,” Yak said, casually cleaning his nails with a dagger like he was recounting a walk through a flower garden. “Room smelled like lavender.

He glanced at me and nodded.

Told you,” I muttered.

And secrets,” Wikis added, sniffing the air like she could catch one mid-sentence. “Definitely smelled like secrets. He accidentally set the trap off” Wikis added nodding towards Yak “but then caught the dart without even looking. It was so cool

Didn’t even blink” Yak added

Oh, you definitely blinked” Carrie huffed.

So she was lying” Umberto was still waving in Din’s face “I knew it”.

I don’t think she knew it was there” Yak offered. “The floorboard hadn’t been touched in decades.”

It’s definitely Dan’del’ion.” Day was holding a medallion next to the box, comparing symbols. “Think we should open it?”

Not here, not now” Trunch added. 

The sound was subtle at first—a sharp breath drawn through clenched teeth.

Every weapon in the vicinity was suddenly out.

Swords unsheathed. A dagger appeared in Yak’s hand. Trunch’s fingers twitched with a spell half-formed. Umberto was halfway into a combat roll he didn’t need to commit to.

Even Day, who had spent most of the afternoon embodying “apathetic statue,” stood with one hand on his blade, expression unchanged but definitely more murder-ready than usual.

Another one?” Wikis hissed, already stepping back and scanning the ground.

But it wasn’t a skeleton.

It was Din.

Blinking slowly, like someone just coming out of a deep, unwanted nap. He looked around at the very armed, very tense circle of friends now surrounding him, and let out a long, groggy exhale. He looked down at the headstone in front of him, the one he’d uncovered by hand, though I don’t think he remembered doing it. The carved Dwarven face looked back at him with a knowing kind of stillness, the spark-threaded beard catching the light.

I don’t know how long we stood there. Nobody said much. Even Umberto didn’t shout, which was unsettling in the way a silent forge is unsettling—you know the heat’s still in there somewhere, waiting to erupt.

Din didn’t move. Didn’t blink. Didn’t acknowledge us at all.

And here’s the thing: I’ve seen people grieve. I’ve seen people break. This wasn’t either.

This was something older. Deeper.

I’m going to need time to unpack that, …what did I miss?” he rasped.

No one answered at first. They were all too busy trying to look like they hadn’t just prepared to decapitate him.

I closed my notebook and sighed.

Should I start with the groundskeeper, or the poor woman up the hill,” I began, before Umberto clapped a hand on his shoulder with all the grace of a falling anvil.

You didn’t miss anything important,” he said. “We still don’t have answers.

And with that, he turned and began stomping back down the path toward the hamlet.

Where are you going?” Trunch called after him.

To get some,” Umberto barked. “One way or another. Someone in this shithole has to know something

Carrie hovered a little higher, clearly thrilled.

Ooooh, he’s doing the dramatic striding thing again,” she whispered to no one and everyone.

Wikis rolled her eyes and glanced at Din.

“He means well,” he said “In his own special way

I tucked my notes back into my coat.

Debatable,” I muttered. “But at least he’s consistent.”

And so, like some half-coordinated theatre troupe at the end of a very strange matinee, we gathered our things and followed Umberto up the dusty path. 

As we moved uphill through the village, doors clicked shut. Curtains twitched. Someone, somewhere, dropped a stack of cabbages in alarm.

Friendly place,” Umberto growled.

His frustration simmered with every step, like a kettle left too long on the fire.

Wikis, ever the pragmatist (and possibly a little desperate for attention), climbed onto a dry patch of fence post and called out into the square:

Five gold for anyone willing to answer a few questions!

It was a good offer. Generous, even.

It was met with silence.

Except, eventually, for a small voice.

A girl—no more than eight years old—emerged from behind a leaning rain barrel, barefoot, bright-eyed, and utterly fearless.

I’ll talk,” she said, sticking out her hand.

Gold changed hands. Questions were asked.

The results were… disappointing.

The girl knew nothing about the skeletons. Nothing about the Dan’del’ion Court. She giggled when Wikis used the word “necromancy” and asked if it was like hide-and-seek but with dirt.

The group’s patience, already thin, wore to tatters.

Their questions sharpened, voices rose, and then—because of course it was Umberto—there was a moment where the air shifted. A tension. A sharp glint in his eye that suggested, if she didn’t start providing better answers soon, he was genuinely considering extracting them by less-than-legal means.

Trunch, ever the diplomat, shifted tactics.

He crouched down, softened his voice, and asked heavier, more difficult questions—about the graveyard, about anything strange the girl might have seen or heard.

But somewhere along the way, something was lost.

She seemed to think this was still a game. That all we wanted were simple, cheerful facts—her name (Petra), her parents’ occupation (cabbage farmers, of course), the number of cats she had at home (three, but two were “mostly wild”).

She answered with the bright sincerity of a child proudly reciting her alphabet, completely missing the tension creeping into every corner of the conversation.

Each earnest answer was another pebble in the growing mountain of frustration.

Wikis, ever the opportunist, crouched down and showed the child the Dan’del’ion medallion.

My mum’s got one a bit like that,” she said brightly.

And then, as if she had just solved a riddle no one else could see, she skipped away down the road.

Everyone exchanged glances and began to follow. 

Not openly. That would have been too reasonable.

Instead, Umberto lurked behind a row of exceptionally large cabbages, scowling like a man who suspected the vegetables of conspiracy. Yak, meanwhile, melted into the shadows and returned moments later—face, height, and general demeanor now uncannily that of young Brenne Lenn.

He approached the house, knocked once.

The door opened. A woman—worn, cautious, and clearly surprised to see ‘Brenne’ on her porch, stared in confusion.

Yak pressed her. Gently at first, then with the casual confidence of someone who had learned to lie before learning to walk.

The medallion came out at last.

It wasn’t a Dan’del’ion relic.

It was a simple pendant. Cheap, tarnished—a red rose cast in tin. There were similarities in the shape but that was about it.  A parting gift, the woman said. From her husband. Before he ran off with a woman from ‘the Briars’. 

Not a great lead.

Not a lead at all, really.

Yak returned to us.

Dead end,” he said “husband left her – bought her a cheap rose medallion as a parting gift. She doesn’t know anything.”

Frustrated, the group fanned out through the village one last time—hoping, pleading, even demanding answers from shuttered windows and locked doors.

They found none.

Nelb had retreated into itself, and whatever secrets it held, it seemed determined to take them to bed early with the setting sun.

With no better options and tempers wearing thin, they made the practical decision to camp for the evening—just off the main road, within sight of the cemetery’s crumbling walls.

It wasn’t ideal.
But nothing about this day had been.

We set up in a crooked circle on a patch of uneven ground where the grass was too stubborn to grow properly and the stones were just ambitious enough to bruise your spine if you laid the wrong way.

I hadn’t eaten all day. The sizzlecakes were long gone, the leads colder than the grave, and the only thing drifting down from the fields now was the bitter stink of onions.

I pulled my robes tighter, laid down on a stone that hated my back, and tried not to think about everything we didn’t get.We would return to Dawnsheart at first light – hopefully to have a better day.

A Fistful of Dandelions

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter VIII


We left Dawnsheart just after noon. Battered and bruised, but they had been paid, at least. Smoke rose behind us as the cart rolled on, and Wikis muttered curses while picking glass from her hair.

The road to Nelb isn’t long. An hour by cart, less if you’re on horseback and don’t stop for existential dread. But it’s enough time for questions. And, unfortunately, answers.

Alright,” Din said, adjusting the hammer at his back, “someone explain to me why we’re terrified of flowers again.

The Dan’del’ion Court,” Trunch added, from the front of the cart, “Klept, you said something about vampires. Rulers of the valley. But that’s centuries past, isn’t it?

Day didn’t say anything. But he looked at me in that calculating way of his, the one that felt like a silent “Go on.”

I sighed, and my stomach, unhelpfully, chose that moment to growl like a caged dire weasel.

Before I could say anything, Yak wordlessly reached into his coat and produced a semi-squashed pie, as if he’d been waiting for exactly this moment.

Stole it from the onion-and-thyme stall at the festival” he said, proudly. “Still flakey.

He handed it over without ceremony, and I accepted it like it was a sacred offering.

You’re a delinquent,” I said. “But a useful one.

And as I bit into the soft, flaky pastry, something warm and nostalgic sparked at the back of my throat.

Sulkin’s Sizzlecake,” I murmured. “Can’t wait.

What?” Din asked.

It’s Nelb’s pride and joy,” I said, already drifting into lecture mode. “A pan-fried patty made of pickled cabbage, caramelized onion, root veg, and dried bread. Crisped in vegetable oil. Topped with smokey mash. Best thing to come out of that hamlet besides quiet and topsoil.”

Sounds like a dare,” Din said.

Sounds like home,” I replied.

Sounds… mushy,” Carrie offered, gliding overhead.

You don’t understand,” I said, more animated than I intended. “Sulkin’s Sizzlecake is heritage. It’s tradition. It’s breakfast, lunch, pleasure and remorse all in one bite.

I’ll try anything once,” Yak said with his mouth full of stolen pie.

Trunch, of course, brought us gently back to the actual problem.

The Court, Klept. What else should we know?

I took another bite of the pie. It was fine. Flakey, savoury, unexpectedly nostalgic.

The Dan’del’ion Court,” I began, brushing crumbs from my lap, “ruled the Humbledoewn Valley and much of central Elandaru for centuries. Tyrants. Vampires. The kind of aristocracy that doesn’t just bleed the people dry—they drink it, bottle it, and sell it as vintage.

I reached into my satchel and tossed something small and heavy toward Din. He caught it instinctively, blinking at the object in his palm.

A medallion. Dark metal, circular, etched with the sigil of the Court—a wilted dandelion head amongst a bed of thorns, full moon in the sky above.

Tufulla gave it to me,” I said. “Told me to show you. Pulled it off one of the festival attackers before the guards carted him off. Possession of Dan’del’ion relics is technically illegal, so please pretend I didn’t just toss you an arrestable offense.

Charming,” said Trunch, turning the medallion over in his hand.

What is it?” Din asked.

A badge. A mark of allegiance. Back in the day, members of the Court—or their loyalists—wore these when attending ceremonies, performing rituals, or, you know, casually oppressing peasants.

And now they’re back,” Day said quietly.

Or someone wants us to think they are,” I replied.

The medallion made its way around the cart, passed from hand to hand like a cursed trinket in a travelling show.

Yak flicked it like a coin, listening for something only he could hear. Umberto raised it to his mouth, clearly intending to bite it—then paused, wrinkled his nose, and seemed to reconsider the taste of ancient vampiric symbolism.

Trunch held it up to the sun, watching the silver inlay catch the light, like he was trying to read a prophecy in tarnish.

It never made its way back to me.

I suspect, though I can’t prove, that it took a detour somewhere between Wikis’ hands and her many, many coat pockets.

That quiet settled over us again—the kind that rides alongside prophecy and dread.

Up ahead, the first fields of Nelb crept into view. Rows of cabbage and onions stretched to the horizon, and beyond them, a cluster of rooftops huddled under grey skies.

The first thing you notice about Nelb is the smell.

Not a bad smell, exactly—just a very committed one. A heady blend of damp soil, root vegetables, and the kind of onion-forward honesty you only get from a town that’s truly proud of its produce.

The second thing you notice is Brandt Ulfornd.

He must have seen us coming. As we began to get closer to the hamlet he came strolling down the road. He met us just past the crooked signpost marking the edge of the hamlet—an older man with wind-chapped skin, ink-stained fingers, and the perpetual squint of someone who’d spent most of his life both reading bad handwriting and digging up worse surprises in the midday sun.

You must be the ones Tufulla sent,” he said without preamble. “Good. We’ve got a problem.

That’s our specialty,” Umberto said cheerfully, already loosening his shoulders like the problem might be punchable.

Brandt didn’t laugh.

The dead,” he said. “Some of them are trying to let themselves out.”

That got everyone’s attention.

He gestured down the dirt path toward the cemetery—a modest plot at the far end of the hamlet, ringed by low stone walls. Some sections had clearly collapsed and been patched with whatever the locals could find—wooden doors, chicken wire, two actual wagon wheels, and at least one suspiciously ornate headboard.

We’ve barred the gates and sealed it as best we can,” Brandt continued. “But it won’t hold forever. Whatever’s stirring in there… it’s not resting easy.

He reached into his coat, pulled out a key the size of a halfling’s arm, and handed it to me.

You’ll be needing this. Padlock on the main gate.

Why me?” I asked.

You look like the responsible one,” he said. Then, after a beat, “Or at least the one least likely to throw it at something.” Looking down, I realized I was still in my church robes. Among a group of people armed like a small militia, I was the sensible choice.

With that, he turned and began the slow walk up the hill toward his cottage, which sat perched above the cemetery like a very tired sentinel.

The wind shifted.

Somewhere beyond the gate, something rattled.

The gate hadn’t even finished squeaking when Umberto raised his axe.

One swing.
Two.
The padlock exploded into two distinct and equally surprised pieces.

Could’ve used the key,” I offered, half-heartedly.

Where’s the drama in that?” he grinned, already kicking open the gate like he was storming a wedding.

Inside, the cemetery was unnervingly still—until it wasn’t. 

Two skeletons stood from behind opposite gravestones, all clatter and menace and the unmistakable body language of creatures that had just remembered they hate the living.

There’s two,” Trunch noted. “But not for long,” he added, unleashing a blast of violet fire that scorched the first skeleton into aggressively motivated confetti.

One down!” he called. “Minimal paperwork!

Wikis dashed past him, sending an arrow flying. It went clean through a ribcage and stuck harmlessly into a grave marker behind it.

What the fuck? I don’t miss!” Wikis shouted, watching another arrow sail cleanly through a skeleton’s ribcage and thud uselessly into a headstone. “The old man gave us useless weapons. I knew we shouldn’t have trusted him”

We are fighting mostly bones,” Din grunted, dodging a swinging femur. “You might want to aim for something less hollow.

I was aiming for his chest!” Wikis snapped, stringing another arrow with the stubborn intensity of someone blaming physics for betrayal

Maybe try using something more ‘hitty’ and less ‘pointy’,’” Din muttered, just before taking a rusty shortsword to the thigh.

Ow—WHY do skeletons get swords?!”

It’s historical accuracy!” I called helpfully from behind a
It’s stupid,” he snarled, swinging his hammer hard enough to turn the offender into soup bones.

Trunch’s first blast hit true, but his second scorched the moss off a statue instead of a skeleton.

Too far left!” someone yelled.
“No, that was a warning shot!” Trunch insisted. “It was—AH!

A bony hand had grabbed his shoulder from behind.

Day took it out with a flick of the wrist, but not before Trunch got a jagged elbow to the ribs.

Still alive?” Day asked, deadpan. “Don’t warn, just shoot.”

Carrie, mid-glide, waved a hand over the party, casting a wave of supportive magic.

You’re doing amazing, sweeties! Except you! You need to duck-

Clonk.

Yak, not used to working with aerial support, caught the butt of a skeleton’s sword across the temple while trying to flank.

I’m fine!” he said, stumbling behind a gravestone and disappearing into the shadow.

Another skeleton shoved Wikis backwards—hard—sending her sprawling into a pile of loose headstones.

Okay, rude!” she snapped, springing back up and stabbing it in the pelvis.

Aim for the skull!” Umberto shouted.
I am! It just keeps moving!

Day was the only one untouched, blades whirling with unnerving grace—but even he was forced to retreat a half-step when three of the skeletons converged at once.

For a moment, it looked like the undead had the upper hand.

And then Umberto tackled one into a grave, shouting:

I’VE GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU

And then Day whistled? a whisper of magic and rhythm suddenly wrapped around him like wind through silk.

In seconds, he was a blur. Steel flashed. Bones cracked. One skeleton looked down to realize its legs were no longer part of the conversation.

Look at that. Dead and downsized.” Day murmured, not breaking stride before launching the skull toward Din. “Head’s up!

Din spun around, a cloud of dust appeared as his massive hammer caught the skull mid-flight. “That was intentional” he called out to no-one in particular 

That’s four!” someone called.

And that’s when the fifth skeleton popped up like a badly timed sequel.

You know,” I said, backing up behind a moderately sturdy mausoleum, “it would be great if we could not wake up the entire graveyard.”

Yeah, but that’s not as much fun,” Yak shouted mid-somersault.

Umberto, mid-swing, grinned and shouted,

Hey, Klept. Chronicle this!

Then he heaved the final skeleton into a crumbling headstone near my position

It exploded in a spray of bones and pulverized granite. The largest chunk landed directly at my feet.

Consider it chronicled,” I muttered, brushing cemetery dust from my robe and rethinking all my life choices.

The graveyard had gone quiet.

The kind of quiet that settles in after chaos, when the adrenaline begins to seep out and you’re left standing in the middle of a mess that’s only mostly finished.

Trunch was examining one of the shattered skeletons with the grim focus of someone hoping it wasn’t magical. He flicked something metallic to Day who caught it without hesitation. Din was cleaning a smear of something unpleasant off his hammer. Wikis was pacing, turning in circles like a cat that suspects the furniture is conspiring against it.

Five skeletons,” Day muttered, wiping his hands. “Three medallions,” he held out his arm and three metallic discs hung from his fist..

What are you suggesting?” Trunch asked, rubbing one of the discs between his fingers.

That someone’s missing. Or hiding.

It was Carrie who spotted it first – the mausoleum.

Larger than the others. Less weathered. Door cracked open just enough to imply it hadn’t been forced from outside.

Ooooh,” Carrie said with a delighted gasp. “Big spooky house for dead people. And the door’s open.

Din and Trunch approached with caution. They knelt by the threshold, examined the crumbled stonework and rusted hinges. Din’s brow furrowed.

This door wasn’t broken down. It was broken out.

The engraving above the doorway read simply: LENN.

Inside, the mausoleum was cool and dry. Two sarcophagi dominated the chamber—elaborate stone coffins, their lids pushed aside just enough to suggest recent movement.

Carrie flitted toward the back wall and traced a finger along the stone.

There’s something behind here,” they said, brushing away years of dust. “A brick. Different mortar. A seam.

Din stepped in, tools already in hand. He worked quickly—carefully— and the brick came free.

It was smooth, weighty, and marked with a familiar symbol: the wilted dandelion seed head, the thorns, the pale full moon.

Wikis took it immediately. No one was surprised.

Don’t eat it,” Yak warned, a little late.

I’m not eating it,” she snapped. “I’m looking at it.

She turned it over, sniffed it, tapped it, held it up to the light like it might whisper secrets if angled just right.

It didn’t.

Well?” Umberto asked.

It’s… just a brick,” she said finally, squinting. “But it looks like one of those medallion things might be inside it. It’s hard to tell.” 

With an exaggerated sigh, she sat down next to a slightly raised patch of earth and set the brick beside her.

There was a pause.

The ground shifted.

Then a skeletal hand broke through the soil where Wikis had just placed the brick on top of a grave.

She froze.

Then, with grim efficiency and a slightly wild look in her eye, she stabbed it. Not once. Not twice. Repeatedly. As if the skeleton had insulted her boots, her haircut, and her entire bloodline in one sentence.

Oh no you don’t,” she hissed. “You stay dead!

The torso wriggled up, ribs gleaming in the afternoon light.

Umberto sighed—long and theatrical.

I am so done with this.”

He stepped forward and, without ceremony, stomped the skeleton’s skull into the ground with the flat of his boot.

There was a satisfying crunch.

There,” he said.

Wikis didn’t stop stabbing for another two seconds.

I, from a safe distance, made a note:

“Post-mortem vengeance, if executed decisively, can be quite therapeutic. Possibly contagious.”

Trunch stepped forward, eyeing the brick still resting beside the grave like it might sprout legs.

“Don’t leave that lying around,” he said evenly. “Put it in a bag. Deep in a bag. Preferably under something heavy. And preferably not next to anything we might value, trust, or be fond of.

Wikis scooped it up reluctantly and shoved it into her coat, muttering something about everyone being dramatic.

“We should probably have Tufulla take a look at it,” Din said, matter-of-factly.

Umberto grunted. “Or we smash it now and save ourselves the trouble.”


Wikis said nothing—just slipped it into an inner pocket and patted it once, like it might bite.

Like three old stones weathered by different storms, Trunch, Day, and Din gathered near the mausoleum—one stern, one silent, one searching. Together, they watched the ground as if it might still hold answers.

Five skeletons,” Trunch said, rubbing a smear of bone dust between his fingers. “Three medallions. That bothered me at first.

And now?” Day asked, arms folded.

Now I think the brick explains the rest.” He gestured vaguely toward Wikis’ coat, as if the cursed object might start rattling at any moment. “It was placed directly between the sarcophagi. It could be another trigger.

Day considered that for a moment, then tilted his head slightly.

You think the medallions raise the dead?

Maybe,” Trunch said. “Three of the skeletons had medallions. Two didn’t. There are two empty sarcophagi, which would account for the extra skeletons.

Din knelt beside a patch of disturbed earth, glancing back toward the mausoleum.

The brick was placed precisely,” he said. “Dead center. The sarcophagi weren’t even sealed properly. Whoever put it there either expected the dead to rise… or wanted them to.

So, the mystery skeletons are Mr. and Mrs. Lenn then?” Carrie called out, not looking up from where she was cheerfully doing rubbings of a headstone. “Rude of them not to wear name tags.”

Day, ignoring her, nodded slowly.

Normally,” he said, “another skeleton rising in the middle of a graveyard fight wouldn’t be strange.

Skeletons rising is strange by nature,” Carrie called from somewhere among the headstones..

Stranger then,” he clarified. “Because it didn’t just happen. It happened right after she put the brick down. That’s not a coincidence. That’s a connection.

The group gathered together at the graveyard entrance. 

This seems too specific to be random,” Trunch said 

We could go back,” Wikis offered, scanning the graves again. “Tell Tufulla what we saw – give him his stupid bow back” holding the bow out at arms length and giving it a look as if it had just embarrassed her in front of royalty. 

We could,” Carrie said, drifting gently above the cracked headstones, “but wouldn’t that be boring?

I was quietly leaning toward ‘sizzlecake,’ but no one asked me.

We should find out more about the LENN family,” Trunch said. “If there’s a bloodline still here, it might explain the activity. Someone’s stirring the old blood.

Agreed” Din was looking at the mausoleum “That brick had to be there for a reason.”

“Brandt!” Carrie declared, beaming with the pride of someone who thinks they’ve just discovered butter goes on hot corn cobs. “He’d probably know.

I did not sigh. Not audibly. But internally? There was a whole opera.

Yes, by all means, let’s consult the man whose graveyard looks like it was curated by neglect and possibly raccoons. Don’t ask the chronicler who spent two winters mapping the valley’s family lines by candlelight and spite. No no. Ask the man whose house looks like it’s been losing an argument with the wind since the last harvest.

Brandt’s house sat crookedly on the hill, leaning slightly to the left like it was thinking of giving up. Shingles missing, porch half-collapsed, chimney held together by prayer and moss. It matched the graveyard perfectly—headstones toppled, names obscured, weeds tall enough to qualify as wildlife. Nothing in this place looked cared for. Not recently. Not passionately.

The others started up the worn path.

Then Din stopped.

He squinted into a far corner of the cemetery—dense brush and ivy-choked stone, wild even by Nelb’s relaxed standards.

What is it?” Umberto called, his tone part concern, part boredom.

Din didn’t answer immediately. Then, without turning:

I’ll catch up in a moment.”

Umberto cupped his hands around his mouth.
If something else decides it doesn’t want to be dead anymore—try a battle cry this time, not one of those startled little screams.

Din raised a single finger in reply, not stopping, not turning, he just kept walking into the overgrowth, eyes fixed on something none of us could see.

The rest of us paused, then moved on. No shouting. No urgency.

Just that lingering feeling that something hadn’t quite finished.

Of Saints, Secrets, and Suspicious Accounting

Chronicles of Klept: Chapter VII


For reasons that I’m still not sure of, I followed the group as they sought the previously promised payment from the mayor.

When they returned to Roddrick’s office, they found him hunched in a corner, visibly sweating, while a glittering, furious fairy paced across his desk like a litigious stormcloud.

Evidently, sometime during the cathedral attack, this winged individual had stormed their way into his office seeking compensation for past services rendered.

Unfortunately for Roddrick, today was a spectacularly poor time to forget where he put the city’s coin.

Roddrick’s office is not designed to accommodate high drama. It is a space meant for hushed civic whispers, quiet corruption, and the delicate art of losing money in increasingly creative ways. It is not, and I cannot stress this enough, meant to host a shouting match between a magical debt collector, several injured mercenaries, and a gnome in the throes of romantic euphoria.

Which is precisely what was happening.

By the time Din arrived, the volume in the room had reached ‘tavern on fire’ levels.

—you promised five hundred gold each!
This is exactly why I stopped doing guild work!
You don’t understand fairy contract law, sweetheart, and you do not want to!
My bow is broken and my wallet is empty!
I will hex your ancestors so hard your childhood gets repossessed!

Roddrick sat hunched behind his desk, a man rapidly attempting to dissolve into paperwork. His mouth flapped ineffectually as insults flew like enchanted daggers. I’m fairly certain someone threw an actual dagger at one point. It missed. Barely.

The fairy, who I feel compelled to note had not stopped hovering on his desk this entire time, was brandishing what appeared to be a glittering invoice.

Din entered with Umberto slung over his shoulder. The gnome was clutching a piece of parchment to his chest with the sacred reverence usually reserved for holy relics. There was sincerity in the gesture, along with the unmistakable expression of someone who was absolutely going to show it to everyone at the earliest inconvenient moment. 

Din, to his credit, simply looked up and muttered, “What did I miss, apart from the Fairy?”

Everything,” Wikis snapped.

Trunch gestured vaguely. “Roddrick doesn’t have the money.

Din blinked. “You mean on him?” He gently placed Umberto on the floor. The gnome stirred, as if the sheer volume of irritation in the room had finally reached a frequency only a barbarian could hear. His eyelids fluttered, lips parting in a soft groan that somehow managed to sound both confused and indignant. I watched, half-curious, half-concerned, as the aura of rising tension acted like smelling salts to his subconscious. Anger, it seemed, was his natural habitat—and it was calling to him.

No,” said Day. “We mean at all. He doesn’t have any money

Umberto moved with the startled grace of a sleeping cat beside a dropped pot—jolting upright, eyes wide, muscles tensed for a fight that hadn’t started yet but surely would. The parchment, previously cradled in his grip, was shoved without ceremony or clear spatial logic into the folds of his loincloth. And just like that, he was part of the argument, shouting as if he’d never fainted.

I was about to lose track of who had threatened Roddrick with what bodily curse or overly large weapon, when the side door creaked open.

And in stepped Tufulla.

His robes were slightly damp from where he’d cleaned himself up after his earlier, urn-bound breakfast expulsion. His expression was unreadable. His walk was slow, careful, deliberate—like a priest returning to find his congregation had redecorated with explosives.

He didn’t say anything at first. He just surveyed the room.

The bloodied adventurers.
The shrieking fairy.
The cowering Roddrick, who had just blurted, “Look, I may have moved a few emergency funds into discretionary non-vital initiatives, but that’s just local governance!

And that was it.

Tufulla raised one hand and the room went quiet. Not magically, not with a spell, but with the kind of heavy silence that only falls when someone enters with absolute moral authority.

He stepped fully into the room. Then, with the same calm resolve he used when walking across the water during the festival, he pointed to me.

Klept,” he said. “Record this.

I nodded, slid to the corner, sat cross-legged, and did as instructed.

Tufulla turned to Roddrick.

Lord … Mayor Roddrick… I hereby place you under citizen’s arrest, on charges of embezzlement, misappropriation of city funds, and gross dereliction of civic responsibility.

Roddrick’s jaw wobbled. “You can’t…

I can,” Tufulla said, and turned to the guards. “Remove him.

The guards, to their credit, didn’t wait for further clarification. One of them actually smiled.

Roddrick barely got out a “This is highly irregular!” before the fairy, still hovering at chest height, raised a hand and said:

Oh, sweetheart.”

She plucked a tiny set of bagpipes from seemingly nowhere, inflated them with a single breath, and with a shrill, glorious wheeze played a painfully dissonant chord and then sang. 

You walk like your father didn’t stick around and your tailor actively hates you.” 

The taunt slid from her tongue like a dagger, and something invisible hit him a heartbeat later. His eyes blinked hard, as though the insult had struck behind them instead of in front. He let out a wounded squawk.

As he was dragged out, red-faced, and visibly lower on the self-worth scale, the fairy slowly floated down onto the desk, re-folded her bagpipes, and looked around.

Tufulla turned to the group clustered in Roddrick’s office..

“I believe you are owed payment,” he said simply. “And while the city apparently cannot provide it, the Church can. You’ve earned that at least. How much were you promised?”

Three hundred,” The fairy answered brightly, beaming with the self-assured charm of someone who knew they were the favorite.
Five hundred,” replied Umberto, Din, and Wikis in near-perfect unison.

The fairy’s smile grew…

Five hundred each,” Day added, without looking up.

…until it didn’t. The smile wilted. She turned to them, blinking.

Wait—you’re getting how much?

There was a pause. Then Yak, from somewhere behind the group,

Hold up. We’re getting paid for this?

Tufulla did not respond.
A small, slow sigh escaped him—less breath, more financial grief made audible.

Then, “I believe the church will be able to compensate you. You’ve already done more than anyone could have asked. You’re under no obligation to continue. But…” 

Well, I’ve got nothing else going on this week,” the fairy said to the room at large, and with a dramatic twirl, a small curtsy mid-air, and a name delivered like it should already be famous introduced herself “My name’s Carrie, by the way. Carrie the Fairy.

Only Trunch responded.

He bowed his head, smiled, and said something polite, possibly poetic. 

The rest of the group offered varying degrees of noncommittal acknowledgement: a grunt from Din, a vague nod from Day, Umberto, simply pulled out his piece of parchment and sighed. Yak blinked, which might have been a greeting. Wikis started checking her own pockets.

Carrie didn’t seem to mind. If anything, she appeared delighted to have an audience too stunned to respond properly.

Tufulla glanced back through the doorway to the cathedral, his voice softer now. “As I was saying, if you’re willing… we could still use your help.” He gestured for them to follow him as he made his way back into the recently defiled sacred space. “This way. I’ll get the money you are owed.” 

There’s a certain weight to being asked for help. A quiet gravity, like you’ve just been handed a sacred relic, or a baby, or a bomb with a very slow fuse. In this case, it was all three, disguised as an offer from a kindly priest with the faint smell of bile still clinging to his robes.

Tufulla walked to the middle of the cathedral, face lit by the sunlight filtered through the surviving panes of stained glass. Nearby, the altar stood cracked (a misguided eldritch blast from Trunch) and a large window next to the main door stood shattered. He had already moved the bodies of my fellow Readers off to one side, covered them with cloth and presumably, said a prayer.  

Should I come back when you’ve finished redecorating?” Carrie asked 

There was an attack,” Tufulla said

Yak leaned casually against a broken column and flicked a chip of stone with a dagger.

We took care of it.

Carrie gave an impressed little gasp and clapped her hands together in a way that managed to be both sincere and faintly alarming.

Tufulla’s voice was steady, measured—his words the kind that usually made people listen whether they wanted to or not.

On top of that, there’s been a concerning report,” he began. “From Nelb.

My eyebrows raised. The cabbage capital of the valley wasn’t exactly known for its political intrigue or magical warfare. Vegetables, yes. Trouble? Less so.

Tufulla continued, “I believe it may be connected to this” he gestured around the room, “and to the festival attack. I believe the Dan’del’ion Court is behind it. Their sudden reemergence, the recent events, it can’t be coincidence. I believe the Dan’del’ion Court seeks to regain power again

A pause followed. The kind of pause that usually leads into a hush of realization. A shared gasp. Perhaps even a dropped mug in the distance.

Instead, the group exchanged glances.

Not alarm. Not dread.

Just a series of furrowed brows, sideways looks, and subtle head-tilts. 

It hit me then.
They had no idea what Tufulla was talking about.

No context. No history. Not even the courtesy of a vague sense of unease. Just six battle-worn strangers and a fairy suddenly faced with a name that meant as much to them as a particularly obscure salad dressing.

Or at least are trying to” he continued almost dismissively. “You’re under no obligation,” he added. “Truly. You’ve already done more than could have been asked of you. But your… unconventional methods may be precisely what is needed.

There was another pause.

Then, 

Define ‘connected’, Wikis said flatly. She was sharpening something that was already unnecessarily sharp.

I agree,” said Trunch. “We need to understand the scale of the risk. What exactly do you suspect, High Reader?

Tufulla nodded. “I believe the Dan’del’ion Court has once again grown in  numbers. Perhaps someone with a distant claim to leadership has come out from the shadows. It seems like they are testing boundaries, and about to make a much larger play. I think the festival was just the beginning, and unfortunately, I think the entire Humbledoewn Valley and in time, all of Elandaru, is about to be drawn into something unpleasant.

Great,” Din muttered. “So more danger. More questions. Probably some running.

He glanced sideways at Umberto, who was adjusting his loincloth with the serene confidence of someone who would absolutely flirt with a banshee just to see if it worked.

Almost certainly,” Umberto grinned. 

“Say we help” Wikis had put the sharp thing away, for now, “How will you help us help you?”

“Some encouragement wouldn’t hurt,” Yak added helpfully. “Money?, Up front as a gesture of good faith.”

“Potions,” Day said simply.

“Something specific,” Trunch said, “to counter the threat we’re being asked to face.

Tufulla didn’t hesitate.

Follow me”, He moved behind the pulpit. Pressed a panel.

And with all the drama of a divine stage production, a trap door creaked open.

Oh, great,” Wikis muttered. “A hidden stairwell. That’s definitely how I wanted today to end.

Tufulla just smiled and started down. 

Stone gave way to older stone as we descended the old stairs. The air grew cooler, and the smell shifted from incense and old parchment to something metallic and oiled. 

And then the chamber opened before us.

Tufulla gestured for everyone to enter “Hopefully you’ll find something here that will suffice?’

It was a vault—not gaudy, not opulent—but meticulously maintained. Walls lined with racks of weapons, armor, potions in neatly labeled crates, scrolls bound with wax seals, and one long shelf full of very serious-looking things in velvet-lined boxes. A private armory. Hidden beneath a church. I’d been down here before, of course. Let’s just say Tufulla and I have shared enough midnight conversations and grim hypotheticals to justify me knowing where the sharp things are kept. Tufulla headed across the room to a large wooden chest against the far wall while the others stood, staring. 

Oh,” Din breathed. Then, louder: “Oh, yes. This is very good.
He moved immediately to the wall of weapons, reverently running a hand along the haft of a massive hammer like it was a holy relic and he’d just found a new religion.

So. Many. Shiny. Things.” Wikis blinked, eyes wide. 

I saw her gaze snag on a small, gleaming pendant half-tucked beneath a folded cloth. She didn’t move toward it, but her fingers flexed slightly at her sides.
Everything’s so shiny.” Her voice was hushed with awe, but her hand had already gone to the dagger on her belt, as if expecting this to be some kind of deeply convincing trap.

Umberto stood motionless, eyes wide, lip trembling. “It’s fucking beautiful,” he said, voice cracking slightly. 

Trunch didn’t step forward. He just looked at Tufulla, brow furrowed.
This is a considerable collection, for a priest,” he said carefully.

Tufulla didn’t respond immediately.

For protection,” he said at last, crossing back across the room with a pile of small leather pouches in hand.

Carrie floated a lazy circle around the room, gave a low, impressed whistle, and clapped twice. “Finally,” she said,  “I was worried this would be boring..

Yak was already testing daggers. One in each hand, flipping them lightly, checking their weight, balance, and the satisfying ‘shk’ they made going into and out of their sheaths.
Ooooh, this one sings,” he said, grinning. “And this one” he spun it in his fingers “this one purrs.

Then, Day.

He stood at the threshold, looking around slowly. At the weapons, at the structure, the lighting, then asked quietly.

Protection from what? You want to tell us what this is all really for?

Tufulla met his gaze.

I suppose you’ve earned that—along with this.

He handed each of them a small leather pouch, the quiet clink of coin inside punctuating the moment. 

You’ve already risked your lives helping… and now I’m asking you to potentially do more. There’s something I need to confess.

You’re not really a priest,” Yak blurted out from a rack of daggers

You’re in love with me,” said Carrie at the exact same time, beaming.

I am a member of a group called the White Ravens. We were originally founded centuries ago as part of the rebellion against the Dan’del’ion Court. After their demise, we sought out scattered, remaining members, doing what we could to ensure they didn’t return. We still exist, not many of us, but still hoping to ensure they never return.” Tufulla responded. 

Lame. My idea was better” Carrie sighed as she went back to casually observing a collection of oddly shaped blades. 

You keep talking about these dandelion folk” Umberto grunted as he swung a large double headed axe, “what’s so scary about a bunch of people who named themselves after a puffy flower?”

“Dan’del’ion. Dan – Del – Leon” Tufulla pronounced the word, gently, as if uttering it would immediately summon them “A past nobel house who ruled the valley and neighbouring regions for hundreds of years through tyranny and fear. The darkest period of their rule coincided with the rise of the vampiric Lord Ieyoch”

“And you’re worried they have returned” Trunch ws trying on a piece of leather armor, soft wisps of smoke curled up from the pauldrons as he clipped the final buckle into place.

“Yes – the festival attackers all had Dan’del’ion medallions on their person. Klept will fill in in more on the history of the Dan’del’ion Court and their rule on the way to Nelb.”

I blinked.

Pardon?

You’ll accompany them of course. You’ll record what they find. What they face. Your knowledge of history, the Court, and of the Valley, may prove invaluable. You’ll serve as the Church’s official Chronicler of Events for this investigation.

I opened my mouth to protest.

Umberto groaned audibly.

“You’re assigning us a chronicler?” he said, as if Tufulla had just handed him a newborn. “Do you know how much danger I personally attract? Do you want this poor man exploded before he even finishes a foreword?

I don’t explode easily,” I offered, though this was an untested theory.

Great,” Umberto muttered. “Now I have to worry about the narrative getting cut short.

Then, under his breath:

Come along then, Chronicler. Try not to die while taking notes.” Each of them had taken something from the shelves and racks adorning the walls of the room. 

So. An investigation. You want us to check out Nelb and see what’s going on?” Trunch looked at Tufulla. 

Tufulla surveyed the collection of people in front of him “Poke around, see if my suspicions are correct. Gather whatever evidence you can. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it,” he glanced nervously at Umberto. 

Wikis’ eyes narrowed. “What if they do deserve it?” She was testing the tension of a bow.

Get what information you can from them and deal with them the way you think necessary.”

My favorite kind of investigation” came a voice from the shadows. I flinched, almost forgetting Yak was there.

Tufulla turned to me “When you arrive, take them up to Brandt’s house – he’ll fill you in with more details.” I looked at him pleadingly, quietly begging him to reconsider leaving my life in the hands of this lot.

I’m sure they’ll keep you safe,” Tufulla said, casting his eyes around the room. “Probably.

I’ve heard more convincing reassurances from cheese merchants.

So, can I assume you’ll accept?” Tufulla asked them with a raised eyebrow.

There was another moment of silence. I looked around. This was it, I thought. This was where they said no. Thanked the priest, put their new toys back on the shelves, and went somewhere less fatal.

But no.

They agreed. One by one, without drama. No fanfare. No oaths.

Just that quiet, strange energy they all carry—the kind that makes you think maybe destiny is less about fate, and more about who’s too stubborn to walk away.

We climbed the stairs from the cathedral basement in silence, boots echoing off stone.

No one said it aloud, but we all felt it: the shift. Whatever this had started as, it was something else now.

Outside, morning had settled into itself. Dawnsheart bustled in the distance with the ignorant cheer of a town not yet caught up to the chaos inside its most sacred walls.

We exited the cathedral, one by one.

I followed last, with the kind of reluctance that wasn’t about fear of injury, but of inevitability. I’d seen enough in the past day to know what followed this group wasn’t just danger.

It was chaos. Messy, relentless, inconvenient chaos.

And I wasn’t ready for it.

Tufulla remained behind, already crossing the nave with quiet determination, moving through fractured light and fractured things. Broken glass scattered across the floor. Cracked pews leaning like wounded men. The deep, red marks that no scrubbing would fully erase. And the bodies of two fallen Readers, still shrouded in silence and duty.

There would be rituals. There would be questions.

But not yet.

We turned toward the stables. The plan was simple: hire a cart. Head to Nelb.

It didn’t feel like much of a plan.

But it was something.

Halfway across the town square, Umberto, nudged Yak with the subtlety of a falling brick.

Who’s the fairy?” he muttered, eyes narrowing.

Yak shrugged without looking up, hands tucked casually into his sleeves.

Not really sure,” he said, as if it weren’t worth investigating further.

Then, without ceremony, he produced a pastry from one of those same sleeves and took a thoughtful bite.

And honestly?

That felt about right.

She had appeared in the middle of a crisis, brandishing bagpipes and biting insults, and somehow never left. Like a song that had started playing during a fight and inexplicably became the theme tune.

She was, by all appearances, chaos given wings.
And for this particular group?

She fit perfectly.