Chronicles of Klept

INTRODUCTION

To whomever finds themselves in possession of this text, whether by choice, misfortune, or as part of an ongoing investigation, let me be clear:

The following pages contain a true account of the adventuring party known, by their own unfortunate insistence, as The Damaged Buttholes.

I was initially assigned to record their endeavors at the behest of High Reader Lorcan Tufulla of the Church of the Prophet. At the time, they had been hired for what was supposed to be a minor, menial task. A task that, in theory, should have had a clear beginning, middle, and end. Unfortunately, things quickly got out of hand. And for reasons that defy logic, self-preservation, and divine intervention, I never stopped recording.

Every absurd, reckless, and morally questionable event herein has been documented with painstaking accuracy. Where I was present, you have my direct observations. Where I was not, the details have been reconstructed through extensive interviews with the individuals involved, as well as eyewitness testimonies from allies, enemies, and the occasional bystander who had the misfortune of surviving the experience.

I must also offer a formal apology in advance for the following:

• The language (included for authenticity).
• The content (included for accuracy).
• The sheer number of laws broken (included because omitting them would be dishonest).

If, by the end of this, you find yourself questioning the nature of heroism, the limits of sanity, or whether a higher power actively curses this group—know that I, too, have spent many sleepless nights pondering the same.

With reluctant admiration and mild regret,

Reader Klept
_{(Chronicler, Scribe, and Unwilling Witness to History)}